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Old 07-24-2012, 10:26 AM
 
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Ulysses, I am so sorry you had to go through this horrible experience. I wish you strength and peace.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Orange County, N.C.
242 posts, read 366,760 times
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From the time my mother was diagnosed with a Cancer til she died was about 2 months. I have two brothers and a sister we sat down in moms home and, some folks would say we did it backwards, we remembered what each of us had the best attachment to, and it went to them. After all bills were paid the money was split up evenly. we didn't go behind each other to see if they were telling the truth, we just knew they were telling the truth. Two days ago I got another check for a bit over $600.00, my sister had found a bit more money in an old account. I have no need to check up on how much she found, I trust that the check she sent me was 25% of what she found, my two brothers got the same amount, I would be willing to bet. I'll not check up on any of it. We trust each other because, over the years we have learned that we can trust each other.
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Old 07-24-2012, 03:54 PM
 
49,044 posts, read 39,492,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
My mother died this morning at 2:15 am, so the question is now moot. She was in a coma the last 4 days and recognized no one. So this has made her passing "easier" (heavy quotations!) for me. I did not see her and Bob made it plain to my brother, who was present the last 7 days, that I was unwelcome.

It is what it is. I will write my mother a heartfelt letter and go to the funeral home before the services and place it in her casket.

I guess in a perfect world "it takes two to maintain a conflict." I emphatically dissent. Did Poland want a conflict with Germany in 1939? Did the US seek war with Japan in 1941? Did Holland want war with Germany in 1940?

The answer to all of these questions is a simple "no." War can be brought to bear on an innocent victim.

In my world, the last 21 years I was always polite to this miserable old bastard and he fought me tooth and nail. When you're up against a psychopath, you're not going to win.
I know some people like this from a distance. I've been fortunate to not have this occur in my immediate family.

Sorry for your loss but quite frankly with this type of illness I consider death a blessing and a time to rejoice and cherish your love. Dwelling on bob and the others is a waste of time and energy, consider what your mom would counsel you, consider having a conversation with her in your head. (I was widowed in my 30's after a long cancer fight, it sucks)

You are now free to visit your mothers grave as much as you like and speak with her whenever you want. You can just move on with the positives that you can control. You were blessed with a wonderful relationship with her, some people never even get such a gift.

Best wishes.
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Old 07-24-2012, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,089 posts, read 6,645,113 times
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Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them. My mom's services are on Friday. I have written the letter and have already arranged with the funeral home that I may visit her coffin before the viewing. I am going to have my husband place my letter under her pillow, as you suggest. I don't think I can gaze upon her a last time. I want to remember her in good health. Thank you again.
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Old 07-24-2012, 08:15 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
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My heart goes out to you, Ulysses. I hope you are able to heal from the hurts that have been done to you.
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Old 07-24-2012, 09:44 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,647 posts, read 21,829,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
Just an update: My mother is within days of death. She is on morphine, comatose and in Hospice. Both of my brothers are physicians, only one is at her side.

No, I have never been "violent" towards my mother. I was as close to her as any two human beings can ever be. I am not some indigent Bozo, I'm a Professor, educated and a "decent" person. I have never used drugs, hurt anyone or commited a crime.

It amazes me that no one here seems to understand that many families are jealousy-ridden, dysfunctional and irrevoably fractured.

I was the youngest of four children. Youngest by 14 years. I was my parents favorite to an almost ludicrous degree. The siblings were/are manically jealous. That's the sum total of it.

I understand and in dysfunctional families the designated out cast is often the most normal.
I really feell for you and I am sending prayers and positive energy your way.
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Old 07-24-2012, 11:19 PM
 
10,382 posts, read 9,477,852 times
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Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I understand and in dysfunctional families the designated out cast is often the most normal.
I really feell for you and I am sending prayers and positive energy your way.
Excellent comment, sheena, and worthy of a thread devoted entirely to that idea. Being the one who was always considered "different and not like us," in my family, this has me breathing a sigh of relief.
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Old 07-25-2012, 10:30 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,647 posts, read 21,829,175 times
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Originally Posted by HereOnMars View Post
Excellent comment, sheena, and worthy of a thread devoted entirely to that idea. Being the one who was always considered "different and not like us," in my family, this has me breathing a sigh of relief.
Same! I am taking you up on your idea and starting a thread today! It is an idea worth exploring!
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Old 07-25-2012, 11:22 AM
 
10,382 posts, read 9,477,852 times
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Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Same! I am taking you up on your idea and starting a thread today! It is an idea worth exploring!
I think so too
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Old 07-25-2012, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,179,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them. My mom's services are on Friday. I have written the letter and have already arranged with the funeral home that I may visit her coffin before the viewing. I am going to have my husband place my letter under her pillow, as you suggest. I don't think I can gaze upon her a last time. I want to remember her in good health. Thank you again.
I'm late to this thread but wanted to extend my sincerest condolenses. The extra heartbreak that man put you thru made it even worse.

Know that you can speak to her anytime you wish now as she's in your heart.
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