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Old 12-05-2012, 05:08 PM
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,710 posts, read 22,756,161 times
Reputation: 17456


Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
Just an update: I am the original person who posted this. I never did see my mother before she passed away, in July. Her husband was stubborn to the end and I gave up the last 4 or 5 days of her life. I knew I wouldn't see her before she passed away and "came to terms with that," or at least tried to. I have a lot of resentment and anger against my mother's husband, but my hate doesn't hurt him, it just brings me down, so I try to let go of it.
My condolences on your loss...

I've read most of your posts in the thread. I come from a family of dysfunction, jealousy and sibling rivalry. Though I steer clear of my family, that includes my mother (who has alzheimers as well), because she fueled the rivalry long before her illness. I do get it, how the dynamic works and what it can do to a family.

The memories of closeness between you and your mom will keep the two of you bonded.
I think Bob felt your relationship with your mom took something away from him. That's really sad if you think about it. Staying angry and resentful.... Bobs getting what he wanted.
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Old 03-26-2016, 03:02 AM
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my mother is on her death bed she is in a locked skilled nursing facility they wont let me in nore tell me anything about my mother because for my mothers husband. he has cut my brother n grand mother and my self from all contact with my mother. i took care of my mother for 7 monthes the past 3 months he has let her go down hill fast what can i do to see her
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Old 03-26-2016, 03:07 AM
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im tring to find some help
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Old 03-26-2016, 05:08 AM
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Ahhhhh good luck my friend!!!

Welcome to city-data,we are glad to have you here
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Old 04-11-2016, 12:48 PM
Status: " ." (set 1 day ago)
548 posts, read 803,033 times
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I'm sorry for your situation felecia carberry. Unfortunately the spouse is given the right to speak for a disabled person. Try http://www.eldercaredirectory.org/state-resources.htm for your state to see if they can help you.
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Old 02-16-2017, 05:34 AM
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Default I am so sorry....

My darling husband is going through a very similar situation as you had to endure. To say his siblings are cruel and wicked does not even begin to describe how he has been treated. They all consider themselves born again 'saved' Christians. My husband and his siblings endured years of physical and at least two of them, including my darling husband also suffered sexual abuse at the hands of their father who was always cruel and controlling & obsessed with both money and matters sexual.

Long story short, my husband avoided any contact whatsoever with his father for many years. His 6 siblings except two, loathed and detested their father and were extremely outspoken about how they wished he were dead etc. however, bizarrely they continued to have contact with him and to all outward appearances all was fine!! Now, in their late 80's and he starts to show symptoms of dementia and admits to having cheated on his wife since just after their marriage and had been having an long term affair since the 1970's. This is the sort of thing my husband had heard about as well over the years...his fathers infidelities were well known to many people outside ..and inside the family (two other siblings also knew).
After hearing his 'deathbed confession' my husband's mother suffered a series of strokes and is now almost at the point of passing over to eternal peace. When my husband and I were visiting her a few days ago my brother in law who is a thug with a history of violence kicked the door open that's the room where we were sitting quietly and peacefully with my mother in law and told us to get out!!
He grabbed at my husband and there was a physical altercation between them with my husband having gotten the better of his violent aggressive thug of a brother. We then returned to the bedroom where this poor woman is laying with so little time left, in order that my husband could spend some precious time with his beloved mother. About 10 minutes or so later there is a knock on the bedroom door and two police officers are standing there informing us that they need to speak to us.
Unbelievably, whilst their mother lay dying after a lifetime of being controlled, manipulated by her husband and this eldest son..he really had sank so low as to call the police to her home. A woman who had never had the police to her home nor any involvement with them in 87 years ..and he does that. The police officers told us that he had said he wanted us to leave and never return, & as he (being the controlling, manipulative bully that he is..just like his father) now had power of attorney he was able to have us escorted from the house without even allowing my husband to see his mother for one last time. Even the police officers were aghast that when they went to ask if my husband could see his mother for the last time that monster refused.
We left and my husband was quiet and dignified and shook hands with the two police officers.
We were stunned, aghast, appalled, shocked to the core and I was unable to process the fact that this was from a person who considers himself to be 'saved'.
This is the very last thing my mother in law would have wanted as my husband is the only one out of the 7 of them who is like his mother, in terms of impeccable character & behaviour as well as personality.
The rest are carbon copies of their wicked, cruel, manipulative father and despite several of them declaring their abhorrence and hatred of him, they carried on his bad work as he resides in a nursing home.

My point in writing this is to let you know that it is not right and just downright wicked for anyone, be it your stepfather or your siblings....for anyone to prevent a loving son to visit his own mother.
Thank God my husband had a very precious, sacred time with his beloved mother at the weekend and got to say his goodbyes to her. But we would both have wanted to continue sitting with her, my husband able to stroke her cheek and hold her hand and he has been denied this by that bully and the rest of his cowardly siblings have supported it as we have heard nothing from any of them since this occurred a few days ago.

I hope that just knowing that other people have been through similar situations as yourself will help you as there is nothing as bad as feeling isolated.

God bless you and I hope you are able to find peace as you have done nothing wrong. Shame on these cruel people.

Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
My mother has been suffering from Alzheimers for several years now and is now in Hospice care. Her time left is very limited. My mother married a man (Bob) I detest when I was grown up and away from home. For the past 20 years, this man has attempted to place every roadblock in the way of me seeing my mother. Still I saw her as often as I could, usually once a month at least. I was always her favorite child and we were extremely close for many years. I called her every day of my life until her deteriorating mental state rendered that impossible.

For the past 6 months my mom's husband, Bob, has barred me from visiting the assisted living facility where they live. He has arranged so that the front desk will not allow me to see my terminally ill mother. She is now basically on her death bed. My sister told me that Bob "doesn't want you at the deathbed or at the funeral and he will enforce that. You'd better stay away from here."

My siblings are useless in this matter and will not run interference for me. They all had jealousy issues because I was the favorite child and they were not. This still resonates negatively with them all.

My heartbreak and anguish is acute. There's no point in phoning because he never picks up the phone and screens all calls. Now I know my mother will die and I will never get a chance to say goodbye to her.

I try not to hate anyone, but the anger and rage I have against Bob is acute, I can't stop thinking of this. I can't imagine keeping a child away from the deathbed of a parent. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Thanks in advance.
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Old 02-22-2017, 06:23 PM
3,263 posts, read 2,838,518 times
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Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Get a lawyer. And fast. What's more, I'd tell the person at the desk that nobody's going to keep you away from seeing your mother and walk on past.
This. Exactly.
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Old 02-23-2017, 05:50 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,202 posts, read 50,480,930 times
Reputation: 60090
Op's mother died four years ago.
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Old 02-23-2017, 06:51 AM
Location: Minnysoda
8,015 posts, read 8,080,914 times
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Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Op's mother died four years ago.

Still an interesting topic for me.
As my fathers Executor and number one son I fully intend to prevent most of my so called siblings from seeing him when the time comes...
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