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Old 07-31-2012, 05:49 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,634,355 times
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The 19th anniversary of my first husbands death just passed and it still makes me stop and wonder and it still hurts . Someone was telling me it is because you never get over something like that you move on , but you never get over it . Im wondering if that is true ? what do the rest of you think ? I mean my children barely remember their dad they were just babes when he passed and they never really had a step father cause I remarried my husband a long time after they were out of the house and they have told me they dont really remember him . Oh well was just wondering how the rest of you have dealt with the anniversary of the spouses death ?
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Old 07-31-2012, 06:54 PM
 
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Well I am only coming up on the second anniversary so I am not much help personally but the board I visit for young widows has many people quite a few years out and they say it still makes them sad that day. I also have an aunt that is about 15 years out from losing her husband and those days still get her also.

I do believe that losing a spouse is not something you ever get over. Does that mean you are not moving on or dealing with things as you should or that you are sad and depressed all the time? No, I don't believe it does. Losing something as special as your husband, best friend, father to your children, the hopes and dreams that you had during that life, how could you not think about it and be mournful for the things you have lost?

I remember the early days of this journey and being freaked out by the people who were years out and still needing to talk about those times when they missed their spouse. But being a little farther along and not in the crushing grip of the pain at the beginning, I realize that it will always be there just not as harsh and as painful as it was and it is not as scary (at least most of the time anyway!).
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Old 07-31-2012, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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Every year I remember my husband, father, brother, nephew and a few more. It really does hurt a bit, but I liken it to the pleasure of having known them. I miss them all, terribly, but I am richer because they were a part of my life. It takes a bit of stiff upper lip to look at it that way. We just do what we have to do.

All of my relatives die or are buried on holidays. I don't think that there is one that isn't tainted. Well, I think that Thanksgiving is still OK.
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Old 08-01-2012, 01:43 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,489 posts, read 11,474,558 times
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I think dates and anniversaries always play a part and always will when you've lost someone you cared deeply about...My own mum died on Mothers Day so its special too to me.. and time to reflect.. I dont think it ever goes away but we move on.. part of being human...
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Old 08-01-2012, 12:45 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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Hi, pl. I haven't had an anniversary yet but I'm sure it will be sad and perhaps a little melonchaly (is that the right word?) to know he has been out of his excrusiating fight for life. You NEVER "get over" the death of your spouse. It is tucked away in some corner of your being. As long as you live, he lives in you, somewhere. That's too bad that your kids don't remember their father. (((HUGS)))
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Rivendell
1,387 posts, read 2,109,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
I do believe that losing a spouse is not something you ever get over. Does that mean you are not moving on or dealing with things as you should or that you are sad and depressed all the time? No, I don't believe it does. Losing something as special as your husband, best friend, father to your children, the hopes and dreams that you had during that life, how could you not think about it and be mournful for the things you have lost?
This^^^.

I lost my husband in 2000 and remarried 2 1/2 years later. I am happily married now, but I still think of my late husband every day, and sometimes the memories make me tear up. Our anniversary and his birthday are coming up in the next couple of weeks and I will make a pie in his memory.
I can still hear his voice, hollering across the house, "Woman! Bake me a pie!"
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Old 08-03-2012, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,734 posts, read 6,172,701 times
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you go on living but you still have memories and things to remind you of them, they stay with you in some way. Having a cry or sad moment now and then because you miss them, is normal. It depends on your bond with them. Why would you want to forget them or stop missing them?
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Old 08-03-2012, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,589 posts, read 10,315,657 times
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The first deep love of my life...haunted me through out my life- I pinned over her secretly for well over 30 years..I would look up a a plane pushing it's way through a deep blues sky and think- Is it her - is she coming back? I spoke to her about once a year and there were always tears of regret from both sides..This woman was someone who was so full of life and character...Then one day I was sent a letter...I was notified that she had suddenly died. I was beside myself...It felt similar to the day my father passed away...I took a walk..my face was numb...For the next to days I wept like a baby...This is different than the woman talking about her husband's passing...the death brought relief and a release from what was more of a haunting - that the ghost of the past finally faded into oblivion.

No there is no getting over these things- love is for eternity.
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Old 08-03-2012, 09:46 PM
 
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My Mom, widowed for 10 years, says you never get over it. You just move on like he would want you to do.
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Old 08-03-2012, 09:56 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,589 posts, read 10,315,657 times
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My mother and father fought like cats and dogs...After my dad died she showed little emotion...One day and I was about 18 I was standing on the side of the road in the middle of the night...out of the blue my mother's car stopped and I got in- she wept ....all the way home...."I miss him so much- I was so in love with your father" It was heart breaking....in the end for her to let me know what she felt about my dad...but never mentioned it to him...I see a lot of widows here...."till death do us part" I am kind of surprised to see such devotion in this modern era - Love to all of you....it seems you were all beautiful wives ....and the men were very fortunate to have been with you..
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