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Old 08-11-2012, 01:29 PM
 
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...regarding someone you detest, and the person sending it knew you detested this person, instead of sending a condolence card, is it ok to instead send a brief letter telling them what you candidly thought of this person? (This piggybacks onto the "when someone you don't like dies" thread).
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Old 08-11-2012, 01:32 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
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No it's not appropriate to write a letter. Ignore the notice, don't even send a condolence card unless the person who sent the notice to you orginally is important to you (I'm assuming the notice sender sent it to inform you and not to push your buttons).
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Old 08-11-2012, 01:43 PM
 
2,737 posts, read 4,065,982 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
...regarding someone you detest, and the person sending it knew you detested this person, instead of sending a condolence card, is it ok to instead send a brief letter telling them what you candidly thought of this person? (This piggybacks onto the "when someone you don't like dies" thread).
No, that is not okay. Furthermore, it is almost certain to come back and bite you in the butt. What you put in print becomes available for everyone to see, forever.

Say nothing.
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
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It might make YOU feel better to write and send such a letter, but what would be the point? (Why not write it but not send it, if you want to get your feelings out?)

I think this falls in the life-is-too-short-to-do-mean-things category.
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:07 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,421 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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IF the sender is close to you, I'd send a condolence card to be polite but if not, nada. Just sign the card and let it go at that, no further writing on the card.
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:15 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,513,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Big George View Post
No, that is not okay. Furthermore, it is almost certain to come back and bite you in the butt. What you put in print becomes available for everyone to see, forever.

Say nothing.
George, I'm not singling out your post, but you sound like one of my parents regarding this, who made the comment about the "forever" factor. Since this communication is between two people, how would it come back and bite me? Just looking for an example. I live about 1,000 miles away from this "friend" and will never see him again. I'm sure all the condolences he receives will counterbalance such a letter.
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Duluth, Minnesota, USA
7,653 posts, read 14,747,741 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
...regarding someone you detest, and the person sending it knew you detested this person, instead of sending a condolence card, is it ok to instead send a brief letter telling them what you candidly thought of this person? (This piggybacks onto the "when someone you don't like dies" thread).
Absolutely not. The person writing the funeral notice is likely somebody very close to the deceased, and in a state of intense bereavement. You would be taking out your anger or contempt for the deceased on a person who is likely suffering very acutely. That would be a very good way to make enemies.
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:25 PM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,074,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
...regarding someone you detest, and the person sending it knew you detested this person, instead of sending a condolence card, is it ok to instead send a brief letter telling them what you candidly thought of this person? (This piggybacks onto the "when someone you don't like dies" thread).
No, there's no moral high ground in creating ill-will. If the person who sent the notice to you is important to you, then a perfunctory condolence is appropriate, and this is one of the few occasions upon which I think those canned sentiments from the card shop are suitable.
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:27 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,421 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
George, I'm not singling out your post, but you sound like one of my parents regarding this, who made the comment about the "forever" factor. Since this communication is between two people, how would it come back and bite me? Just looking for an example. I live about 1,000 miles away from this "friend" and will never see him again. I'm sure all the condolences he receives will counterbalance such a letter.


Then why bother sending such a letter except to make you feel better to have been able to say what you always wanted to say? Let it go. The person is dead, let that be your "victory". Why cause someone needless bad feelings? When my mother died, I called all her old friends and they told me what they had really thought of my mother and I was devestated even more! So please don't go there. Let the person RIP and let the relative go on about their life clueless.
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Old 08-11-2012, 02:34 PM
 
2,737 posts, read 4,065,982 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
George, I'm not singling out your post, but you sound like one of my parents regarding this, who made the comment about the "forever" factor. Since this communication is between two people, how would it come back and bite me? Just looking for an example. I live about 1,000 miles away from this "friend" and will never see him again. I'm sure all the condolences he receives will counterbalance such a letter.
I understand, and no personal offense taken.

What I'm saying is multi-faceted...

First of all, if you have nothing good to say about a deceased person, just say nothing. It costs you nothing, and doesn't cause anybody any pain.

Second, I have written things that I later regretted. I had a private letter I wrote, photocopied and handed out to people. All hell broke loose. It's personal experience that you can't really explain until it has happened to you.
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