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As many of you know, my Mom is 102. She was the pillar of strength in her lifetime, supporting everyone who needed her, a community well known and respected woman who organized events in her village, took on issues, volunteered hours and hours, and now is bedridden. Only at age 100 did she give up the presidency of the senior citizens group numbering over 100 seniors. And that was because no one else wanted that thankless job.
Today she lays in a hospital bed, sleeping, dentures removed, breathing but barely, thin as a twig. They feed her with a syringe to get her to swallow. She calls out for my father occasionally but for the most part, she does not know anyone and her eyes are shut. She is alive, yes. She is living, no. For some reason she clings to life. She refuses to pass, although I know she feels the presence of her relatives passing over and around her. They are beckoning her. Yet, she stays in the hospital bed, unconnected to this earth. She is medicated to keep her comfortable so communication with her has passed by and is now impossible.
I am emotionally spent. Weak with grief. Wishing this could be over for her sake. For my sake. Only child here. No brothers or sisters to share this awful time with. You, my CD people are my support now. Will the phone ring today with news of her passing? Or will another day go by, in this madness. I just don't know.
Barb, I am so sorry for what you're going through. I lost my mother 3 weeks ago and can relate to what you're going through. Perhaps you can take some small solace that it will not be a shock when she passes away, you are already prepared for it and maybe even are in a "pre-grieving" mode. In some ways, this is less traumatic than a sudden and unexpected death, like a heart attack.
My mother also lingered for several weeks, comotose, before she left this life. Every single day was torture waiting for the phone call to tell me she was no more. Barb, when you get this call, in some respects you will probably feel relief, because then your actual grieving can commence. You are nervous, worried, frantic, emotionally spent and waiting for the call. All of these emotions are exhausting. When your dear mother passes, you will feel horrendous pain, but it will get better. Not soon, but it will ease and some day in the future you can think of her without tears and remember all the wonderful memories.
But let no one tell you that grief is easy. Sadly, it's a terrible ordeal for the survivors, if you loved the one who left.
As many of you know, my Mom is 102. She was the pillar of strength in her lifetime, supporting everyone who needed her, a community well known and respected woman who organized events in her village, took on issues, volunteered hours and hours, and now is bedridden. Only at age 100 did she give up the presidency of the senior citizens group numbering over 100 seniors. And that was because no one else wanted that thankless job.
Today she lays in a hospital bed, sleeping, dentures removed, breathing but barely, thin as a twig. They feed her with a syringe to get her to swallow. She calls out for my father occasionally but for the most part, she does not know anyone and her eyes are shut. She is alive, yes. She is living, no. For some reason she clings to life. She refuses to pass, although I know she feels the presence of her relatives passing over and around her. They are beckoning her. Yet, she stays in the hospital bed, unconnected to this earth. She is medicated to keep her comfortable so communication with her has passed by and is now impossible.
I am emotionally spent. Weak with grief. Wishing this could be over for her sake. For my sake. Only child here. No brothers or sisters to share this awful time with. You, my CD people are my support now. Will the phone ring today with news of her passing? Or will another day go by, in this madness. I just don't know.
Barb, thank you so much for sharing with us. I am so deeply sorry for the experience that you are currently going through with your mother. She truly does sound like an extraoridnary and caring woman who's lead an amazing life. I'm sure you feel so blessed to have her as your mother.
I know that it must be so difficult for you right now, but at least you can perhaps find solace in the fact that when your mother does pass, she'll have gone on to a better place and will be at peace.
You're doing an amazing job taking care of things by yourself. Stay strong and keep on doing what you're doing in this uncertain and shaky time, friend.
I'll keep you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh, Barb. I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I know it is heartbreaking and very draining (physically as well as emotionally).
I did want to ask a question that popped into my head as I was reading your description of how your mom is hovering w/ others surely beckoning her on to the next stage.
Do you feel there is someone here on this plane of existence that she is waiting to say good-bye to? Or something unfinished that is propelling her to cling to her life?
If that isn't a possibility . . . then I wondered if you have told her yourself that is alright with you for her to pass on to the next stage and be with those who are waiting for her. Maybe she needs to hear that from you -- that it is alright for her to leave you now? Maybe deep within her somewhere is that mother instinct still trying to "look after" her daughter?
I hope that doesn't sound far-fetched but I have seen family members "give permission" for parents to leave their bodies and within hours, they did just that.
Praying for you to have the strength to get through this without wearing yourself down . . . your mom would not want that . . .
Big hugs and know we are all sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your mom.
Warm thoughts of you tonight - may you feel some healing from prayers sent your way.
Everyone has such beautiful thoughts they've already written above - please know that you DO have people out there who will grieve with you and who hope for your continued strength through whatever time you have left.
We'll light a candle for your mom tonight and ask the universe to give her a gentle passing to the next dimension..
PhxBarb I'm really sorry for what you are going through. It's a tough situation that churns up so many mixed emotions.
I want to back up with anifan said about a family member 'giving permission" for a loved one to pass over. As hard as it was, I did this with my dad. I told him that I loved him and would miss him but I was strong and he didn't need to stay with me any longer. Of course, I couldn't be sure he actually heard me but Hospice says it makes a difference and I have to believe it does and did with my dad.
Thank you so much, all of you for the kind words.
I have told Mom at least 3 times that it would be ok for her to go, that I would miss her but that I am ok and she can go be with "Jimmy" (my dad). They were married 55 years and were always together while he was alive. I know or feel that I know his presence around her bed, and she is now in a deep sleep, so I pray she will go be with him. Thank you so much for the prayers and thoughts. I do believe prayer works like nothing else...
Let me add that as I watched my Dad fight that terrible disease of Parkinson's Disease and Dementia, I truly saw how he handled it with courage and grace. Each day until he passed. Then I knew that if i could be half the 'man' he was, I would be alright in this world. Just saying that our parents always have something to teach us, even at this sad time.
PhxBarb, I am so sorry. As I posted before, I'm an only child, too, and lost my Mom six months ago. She fell and was in a coma for six days before she died. She was on hospice care and just being given comfort measures, like pain meds if she seemed uncomfortable, and an oxygen mask so her breathing wasn't so labored. I remember the nurses telling me on Friday that I would probably want to stay the night, as they could see the signs of imminent death; however, she hung on and was still alive that Mon. I talked to her the whole time, but I didn't want to tell her it was OK to let go, as I feared she'd think I was trying to get rid of her. (I know, it was silly, but who knows what they can hear, and she was pretty feisty about stuff like that!) So I just told her to go whenever she wanted to, and that I didn't care how long it took. I did finally go home (her place) to sleep on Sun. night, as I was so exhausted, and I was surprised that I didn't get a call during the night. I went back Mon. morning and she was still breathing, but her pulse was very weak. She waited until that afternoon when I was on the phone with my cousin to take her last breath. In fact, I had just held the phone up to Mom's ear so my cousin could say hello to her. I felt like she didn't want me to be alone for the moment of her passing. It was all very spiritual. Please keep us posted and know that we are thinking of you.... xxxooo.
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