U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-19-2012, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,024 times
Reputation: 699

Advertisements

My husband and I had discussed our desire(s) to be cremated and our ashes scattered. Since he was in poor health, we thought he would probably go before me. I asked him where he would like his ashes scattered, and he left it up to me. I often thought about where the perfect place would be to do that. Would it be in southern Mississippi, where he grew up and spent every summer at his grandmother's? Or on a small stretch of Hwy. 30 in Idaho, where we travelled often in our trucking days and was one of his favorite drives? Or a host of other beautiful places that our trucking travels took us?

When he passed away 4-1-12, and I was pretty much in shock and on auto-pilot so to speak, I was not thinking about scattering those ashes, when I went to the funeral home to make the arrangements the next day. We discussed his desire to be cremated. Then, much to my surprise, the funeral director told me that he thought my husband would qualify to be buried in a Veteran's National Cemetery (he was in the National Guard). I hadn't even thought about that, and neither had my husband in all our previous discussions. He told me that there are 2 military cemeteries in Tennessee, Nashville and Chattanooga, and in all his 30 plus years as funeral director, he had not seen a more beautiful facility as the one in Chattanooga.

I thought it would be such an honor for my husband to buried there. I only wish we had known about it before he passed away so he could have gone to visit the facility. I know in my heart that I did the right thing by burying his cremated remains there, and he would have approved of that decision.

And the best thing about it, when I die and have my remains cremated, I can be placed in the same plot as he is. Together again.

I've seen military funerals on TV but never in person, until his funeral. It was emotionally draining, incredibly beautiful and inspiring, and the best decision I could have made. The cemetery is only 75 miles from home and is a beautiful, scenic drive. I can visit often and find such peace there for him as well as myself. As it turned out, he was buried across the road from the only lake at the facility, and he loved fishing. I don't believe it was coincidence, just the good Lord telling me I made the right decision.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-19-2012, 08:19 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
Reputation: 15406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam I Am View Post
I want cremation because I'm a land conservation freak and because I don't want anyplace that my family feels they have to go and check on things or pay homage.

I'm an organ donor - my spouse and I have both arranged to have what is left of our bodies after harvesting transported to an orthopaedics teaching lab in Memphis (at their cost), where they teach new techniques in surgery to physicians. I was in the medical field for almost 19 years and spouse is a pharmacist - it seems fitting. After 1 year we are cremated (at their cost) and our remains are returned to the family (at their cost) or can be buried in a garden at the facility (at their cost). One call after our death sets the wheels in motion. My sons are fine with this.

If my family chooses to receive my ashes, I want part of them scattered in the Caribbean - vacation's on me for that one - and part spread in the Mississippi delta, the only place I ever really felt at home and a place I miss with all my heart. I don't figure my ashes will take up much room there :-)

This is no cost for the family, and one call does it all. I just don't want to put the burden of a funeral on the family, even a pre-planned one....we all feel the same way.
Sure it does...unless it doesn't. How can it be enforced from beyond the grave? Sounds like you are leaving a quagmire for your family to wade through. One call to the funeral home did it all for us when my parents died. That's what life insurance is for. Personally, I plan to get a pre-paid plan, if my kids got ahold of $$$$ from a life insurance policy, they wouldn't give my carcass a second thought! Look, the dead have to be disposed of somehow
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2012, 12:30 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,696 posts, read 21,741,083 times
Reputation: 27747
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Sure it does...unless it doesn't. How can it be enforced from beyond the grave? Sounds like you are leaving a quagmire for your family to wade through. One call to the funeral home did it all for us when my parents died. That's what life insurance is for. Personally, I plan to get a pre-paid plan, if my kids got ahold of $$$$ from a life insurance policy, they wouldn't give my carcass a second thought! Look, the dead have to be disposed of somehow
Did you have a bad day?

Of course, no one can control anything after their death. I suppose that most of us hope that someone will love or respect us enough to consider our wishes. I'm not worried about it and I'm not counting on it.

I don't have to prepay anything because my plan, wishes are quite simple and will cost very little. I've made my wishes known. I recently made a new Will and spelled it out.

Someone may very well decide to embalm me, buy a casket, have all the usual suspects gawk then plant me. There's not a thing that I could possibly do about it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-20-2012, 04:10 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 15,895,915 times
Reputation: 7531
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Sure it does...unless it doesn't. How can it be enforced from beyond the grave? Sounds like you are leaving a quagmire for your family to wade through. One call to the funeral home did it all for us when my parents died. That's what life insurance is for. Personally, I plan to get a pre-paid plan, if my kids got ahold of $$$$ from a life insurance policy, they wouldn't give my carcass a second thought! Look, the dead have to be disposed of somehow
Marylee, I've missed your point somehow. Yes, one call does it all - my family, knowing my wishes (which include donation of my body to the facility and subsequent cremation) calls this organization upon my death. The hospital (should I die there) will call the organ donation place and that will be accomplished; my family and/or the hospital will call the facility, they start a transport - my body is held and used for medical experimentation for up to one year, then I am cremated and my ashes are returned to my family. There is nothing confusing or convoluted about this....it's one step in between hospital to crematorium, or hospital to grave. I don't understand the "quagmire". The papers are signed and sealed and notarized. It costs no one a penny - I surely would rather spend my current money on something other than my death. For me personally it makes no sense to be buried - I have prearranged, just not in the traditional sense of burial or wake and cremation, etc.

I guess it's enforced beyond the grave somewhat like a will is enforced - but more importantly, my family knows my wishes - my spouse and one son have also made the same arrangements, so I seriously doubt there will be an uprising from them.

Life insurance? Not happening. I have a small amount of insurance, but I'm older and have had cancer. The insurance companies aren't exactly fighting for my business, although should I choose to go that route I'm fairly sure I could initiate a premium war.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-10-2012, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Texas
25 posts, read 26,432 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by skel1977 View Post
Id presonally rather be cremated. I'd rather not be buried in the ground with worms and bugs stuck in a box in the dark. Im claustrophobic. Yeah I realize I probably wont care when im dead but who really knows. My soul might be screaming for the rest of eternity because im locked in a box. No, cremate me and scatter me to the wind.
I couldn't agree more!! I told my family years ago I want to be cremated when I died. My dad was cremated and so my mom, my bother, myself, our spouses and all six grandkids spread his ashes at his favorite lake and golf course. It was suprisingly a natural and peaceful experience for every one of us. It was actually a beautiful memory I'll never forget.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-10-2012, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Florida
260 posts, read 293,147 times
Reputation: 213
Cremation beats bloating from anaerobic gases and parisites( (maggets) followed by a gelatinous stew of rotten organs and flesh the smell that I remember from Nam is something hard to remove from your nostrils. Instant dust to
dust my little saints!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-10-2012, 05:15 PM
 
2,890 posts, read 5,152,172 times
Reputation: 4585
My Dad wanted to be cremated as he didn't want us to feel obligated to visit him somewhere. We buried my Dad's ashes beneath a tree at my Mom's house. A few years later, she sold her house! She asked us kids if we wanted to bring him and the tree to the her new place and we declined. The buyers were aware his ashes are buried there.

I think my Dad would have laughed his butt off thinking about being scattered all over the state!

We are trying to make arrangements to have my Mom's ashes buried at the old house, when her time comes. It was their last home together and it would be nice to have them together again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-10-2012, 11:40 PM
 
Location: SWUS
5,414 posts, read 7,625,544 times
Reputation: 5781
I want to be cremated because I really don't want to be in a box in the ground, unless I can be in a natural coffin (made without preservatives or varnish or lacquer or stain or whatever) in a plain old hole in the ground (without a concrete pad or sarcophagus or whatever.) I feel that burials are no longer a "natural" way to do things.

Hopefully when I'm cremated, I can be burned on a funeral pyre instead of in a stove. That way, there will be plenty of ashes to scatter, anyone who wants can take some. My last wishes are that part of me is scattered at our ranch, part of me is scattered at my favorite beach, and the last part of me is packed into a cannon/mortar shell so I can literally go out with a bang (and contribute to the global pollution problem. )
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 05:36 PM
 
1,406 posts, read 2,739,836 times
Reputation: 1080
Quote:
Originally Posted by skel1977 View Post
Id presonally rather be cremated. I'd rather not be buried in the ground with worms and bugs stuck in a box in the dark. Im claustrophobic. Yeah I realize I probably wont care when im dead but who really knows. My soul might be screaming for the rest of eternity because im locked in a box. No, cremate me and scatter me to the wind.
I've already purchased a plot, which is next to my father. I bought it to comfort my mom. But, like you, I'm concerned that my soul will be trapped in the coffin for eternity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-12-2012, 01:37 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
Reputation: 18811
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJ2MDdude View Post
I've already purchased a plot, which is next to my father. I bought it to comfort my mom. But, like you, I'm concerned that my soul will be trapped in the coffin for eternity.
You can be cremated and the urn placed in that plot, NJ2M.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top