U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-24-2013, 10:04 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,439 posts, read 18,159,189 times
Reputation: 18824

Advertisements

Gee, smilin', IDK if I should answer you or not here. I think we are being too "light and fluffy". We can't talk to each other in whatever thread we are in but I will say "Thank you so much, hon." Being that "my whole family is gone", I think this is just self preservation at work and God watching over me.

HE is my strength to get my act together or I will sink bigtime and land on the streets. It wasn't until "I broke" that I was able to start the healing process. That was the most amazing day in my life. I woke up that morning with my heart "whole" again. The blood had stopped gushing out of it. The wound was healed. It was, IMO, a miracle. One day to be on the edge of suicide, the next being okay with what had happened. Like I've said before, I beseeched God to help me that night and HE answered.

(((smilin')))
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-24-2013, 03:05 PM
 
4,454 posts, read 5,491,935 times
Reputation: 2153
I am very sorry for your loss. Anyway if you have not don't already I really recommend you to attend a support group. You stated you live in Arizona.
Well there is a meetup group for widowers in Phoenix area:
Widowed-to-Widowed Grief Support Group (Tempe, AZ) - Meetup

In addition there is a another meetup for widowers in Phoenix area: Friendship Gathering of Fabulous Widows 45+ (Chandler, AZ) - Meetup

More links to different support groups:
Grief: Where To Get Help | University of Arizona Life and Work Connections
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2013, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,178,045 times
Reputation: 3514
Tami...How are things going with the house now? How are you doing?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2013, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,178,045 times
Reputation: 3514
other99...Thanks for the links...I live in a rural area of AZ far away from Phoenix and the suburbs..Thanks for caring. I'm doing okay on my own. Just taking things day by day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2013, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,178,045 times
Reputation: 3514
I miss the culture that I shared with my husband and sons... Sometimes I feel like a weirdo and misfit (and "ugly duckling") out in the world by myself...Everyone has their very own culture and ways and set of norms etc. And I try to adapt...But I sure miss being surrounded by people who "get me" and understand me. (Right off the bat.)...Has anyone else felt this way?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-01-2015, 02:49 PM
 
3 posts, read 1,793 times
Reputation: 21
This really helped me understand why no calls, from friends or relatives after my triple loss in a 13 month period of time. I cant believe people just disappeared. I kept saying if they only call & say 4 words. How are you doing? Nope, nada, nothing. 13 months since my dad, 3 months mom, two weeks 16 year old cat. No cards, no calls, complete avoidance. 2 coworkers, one neighbor of my parents, one cousins wife, one cousin. Thats it. I cant wrap my head around it. I come from a background where you step up and help. When my mom passed, i had to go pack up her room at the care facility. Emotionally difficult., My older brother and aunt were no where to be found. Dont these people even wonder how business is being taken care of?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-02-2015, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,169 posts, read 2,817,749 times
Reputation: 10000
Default Hello

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith4future View Post
This really helped me understand why no calls, from friends or relatives after my triple loss in a 13 month period of time. I cant believe people just disappeared. I kept saying if they only call & say 4 words. How are you doing? Nope, nada, nothing. 13 months since my dad, 3 months mom, two weeks 16 year old cat. No cards, no calls, complete avoidance. 2 coworkers, one neighbor of my parents, one cousins wife, one cousin. Thats it. I cant wrap my head around it. I come from a background where you step up and help. When my mom passed, i had to go pack up her room at the care facility. Emotionally difficult., My older brother and aunt were no where to be found. Dont these people even wonder how business is being taken care of?

I am very sorry for your many losses. I would bet losing your 16 year old cat was a tough one because if you are anything like me, you got great comfort from your cat. When your Dad and then Mom passed, you no doubt went home and held your little fur-ball close and cried into his/her furry body Funny how we can always count on our 4-legged friends to do for us what our 2-legged friends either don't or won't do.

Take all the time you need to grieve. Do not give up. Time does help us to get through the really sharp pain of loss.

God bless you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2015, 06:35 PM
 
9,288 posts, read 7,305,429 times
Reputation: 22791
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith4future View Post
This really helped me understand why no calls, from friends or relatives after my triple loss in a 13 month period of time. I cant believe people just disappeared. I kept saying if they only call & say 4 words. How are you doing? Nope, nada, nothing. 13 months since my dad, 3 months mom, two weeks 16 year old cat. No cards, no calls, complete avoidance. 2 coworkers, one neighbor of my parents, one cousins wife, one cousin. Thats it. I cant wrap my head around it. I come from a background where you step up and help. When my mom passed, i had to go pack up her room at the care facility. Emotionally difficult., My older brother and aunt were no where to be found. Dont these people even wonder how business is being taken care of?
No offense but those mourning (I am mourning also) cannot expect our friends and family to be mind readers. I'm sure you've had friends and family say "if you needs anything, let me know."

If you are hurting and need some contact, then reach out to some of your friends and family. It makes no sense to 1) stay in your pain all alone and 2) create a "root of bitterness" where you create something to hold against other people.

I came in this thread because, like the OP, I'm the only one left. I recently lost my last sister. With her loss, everyone who lived in my home while growing up (all siblings and parents) are now gone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-09-2015, 07:10 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,585 posts, read 42,755,715 times
Reputation: 57267
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
No offense but those mourning (I am mourning also) cannot expect our friends and family to be mind readers. I'm sure you've had friends and family say "if you needs anything, let me know."

If you are hurting and need some contact, then reach out to some of your friends and family. It makes no sense to 1) stay in your pain all alone and 2) create a "root of bitterness" where you create something to hold against other people.

I came in this thread because, like the OP, I'm the only one left. I recently lost my last sister. With her loss, everyone who lived in my home while growing up (all siblings and parents) are now gone.
You are right. I have not experienced the kind of losses that you and the OP have, but I can tell you that when people ask you to tell them if you need anything, they REALLY MEAN IT. So if you tell them you're fine, or that you will let them know if you need something, then it is on you if you do not.

If a friend or relative asked me for something, I would be glad to fulfill their request.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-09-2015, 04:17 PM
 
Location: In a house
21,902 posts, read 20,907,098 times
Reputation: 14822
It's all to often we, the grievers, do not say what we "need". I think some of it is pride (I know for me some of it is) but also we just don't really know what it is we need. I need friends, someone to hold me to go do things with but how do you say that? Especially when most people have their own lives going on. It's really hard and extremely difficult so I get what charlygal and the others are saying----sometimes demographics plays a huge role in asking for help as well. There is so much more to it all then just asking for help. You have to be in the situation to understand it fully I think. I may be wrong but that is what I have noticed in my personal situation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top