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Old 09-23-2012, 07:19 PM
 
Location: California / Maryland / Cape May
1,548 posts, read 2,422,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
SunnyTXsmile...Thanks for your great post. I'm sorry you lost so many loved ones all in a row. (Rough!) Good luck in your new life out on the West Coast! I need to make a move soon too. (When I feel better!)...The feelings I have now are different than what I felt after my older son and my husband passed away because there's no running-away from the fact that I'm totally alone and on my own now...And this definitely affects me...Thanks for sharing how you felt about some of your friendships. I thought about this when I had to decide who to call after my son died...I realized that it was all up to me. I didn't have anyone else around to help me make the calls. (Or anyone else around to really help with anything!)...As I mentioned in an earlier post I waited 7 to 10 days to call some friends. I kept asking myself why I had trouble calling these friends. Where was my "resistance" coming from?...Yet I called some other friends several times because the conversations seemed helpful and "rewarding."....I "get it" that I have choices and options now. When I feel better I'm going to "reinvent myself" and "redesign" my life too. (Probably bit by bit!) But who knows? I might feel like taking some "giant leaps!" (Not sure quite yet!)...P/S: Thanks to everyone who posted! I have some stuff to do but I'll come back later and post more.
Oh my goodness, I know the feeling, exactly. I resisted telling people, too, but did confide in a few (which, oddly enough, wasn't who I imagined I'd tell when this day came) and I still don't know why. The only thing I can come up with so far is that since I'm such a tight family person, it wasn't natural for me to turn to girlfriends with this type of news. But with my entire immediate family gone, I'm having to learn to rely on non-familial relationships now. I'm still getting used to the idea. I'm still working on creating tighter bonds with distant family, too.

No one will be able to replace what I've lost, but I'm hoping that with time I'll feel like I have an extremely close family again, whether that family consists of distant relatives or friends. Friends remind me that my family was unusually close, and that I'm lucky to have experienced that because most don't. I try to remind myself of that. Perhaps being grateful for the relationships and time we did have is a better way of focusing our thoughts. Easier said than done, I know.
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Old 09-26-2012, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,164 posts, read 57,288,199 times
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CArizona, I'm sorry to hear about your son. I know the past couple of years have been rough on you. Go ahead and be cranky for awhile -- you've earned it -- but I wish you nothing but peace in the days to come.
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Old 09-26-2012, 10:41 AM
 
3,735 posts, read 3,818,040 times
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CArizona,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your family. I am so sorry that you've had to experience so much heartache. Please continue to give yourself time to heal. I hope and pray that you will meet people near you who will become good, kind, understanding, and faithful friends.
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Old 09-27-2012, 03:40 PM
 
662 posts, read 739,706 times
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Dear CArizona,

I am a only child who loved my parents dearly & deeply and they loved me the same as well. In my mid 30's I lost my dad to cancer, though I knew he was going to die I just didn't want accept it cause you never want to lose a loved one no matter what. That was on April 5th, then 2 yrs later on Apr 25th my mom dropped dead from a massive heart attack, well that came as a terrible shock, I had just talked to her the day before & she was fine. Needless to say I was quite devastated, still morning my dad's death now the shock & trauma of my mothers'. This was 20 yrs ago & guess what........it still hurts when I think of them. For years I couldn't think too hard about them or I'd break down & cry, looking at pictures comforted me yet made me grieve. My husband offered much support for he loved them as well yet no one feels the pain as deeply as you. But I got thru it, mostly from leaning on the everlasting arms of Christ. I had to ask almighty God to send The Holy Ghost to comfort me in which He did, but I had to mean what I said, so when I got tired of suffering I finally asked God to take this grief away & He did. But understand this, I asked God to heal the pain I felt for losing my mother 2 weeks after she passed cause I was tired of trembling & having my heart beating out of time, when my dad died I think I waited a whole month. So the moral of my story is that I realize their memory will always haunt me for the rest of my life, but I no longer feel the horendous pain I did when they died thanks be to God, I have learned to live with my loss, but my greatest comfort is that I believe in the resurrection in Jesus Christ, because He promised us eternal life if we believe in Him & I knew that my parents were saved by Christ. It is my hope you believe in God cause He can & will comfort you like no others can. If you are not a member of a church then join one, a good one where you will look forward to going to church & get involved in your church, join 1 of it's missionaries, it'll open doors for you to meet new & godly good friends who will be of great comfort to you. God bless you, remember you can always come here anytime of day & be amongst friends.
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Old 09-28-2012, 04:58 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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What a wonderful testimony post, Sassy. God is the only reason I am able to cope as well as I am. I give HIM all the praise to everyone who asks how I'm doing.
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:17 PM
 
16,301 posts, read 24,228,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
A few years ago my older son passed away when he was only 37...Then my husband passed away and my younger son just passed away recently. Sad!...My whole family is gone now. I'm the only one "left" here...Been working through my grief in my "own way" bit by bit. I called some friends soon after my son died and waited awhile to tell other friends. I needed a good amount of time alone so I'd feel free to cry when need be...And sometimes I feel "cranky" too!.. I don't want to feel obligated to be "nicey-nice" all the time. (Because other people are around.)..Grief involves such a "mixed-bag" of emotions! Don't you think?..I'm sorry for everyone here who has lost loved ones. It's can sure be rough!
First is to change the mindset that your are "left" here. You are "still" here.

And since you are "still" here, get on with your life. Volunteer, try new things, do things you normally wouldn't do, go to a festival or other local events, even if it isn't your thing (you might find a new thing you like).

If your sons and husband could have known their fate, what advice would they have given to you as the sole survivor of the family? I suspect they would have wanted you to survive, and thrive.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:03 PM
 
12,422 posts, read 14,547,993 times
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CArizona...Hello...so sorry you have to go through such grief, I've been through some myself so I know how much it hurts...physically as much as mentally....hang in there, it may sound callous, but it's true, time does eease the pain...I think with your very sensible and bubbly personality, when you're ready CArizona new friends will welcome you to them...when I grieved I chose to keep pretty well keep to myself, and really didn't want to face others... everyone will grieve in the way that's best for them...there is no right or wrong way...my hopes for you are that you'll embrace the rest of your life, and cherish your wonderful memories...take care my friend....and know that you have already a lot of cyber friends, even if that's the next best.
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Old 09-29-2012, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Islip,NY
16,929 posts, read 19,666,757 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
A few years ago my older son passed away when he was only 37...Then my husband passed away and my younger son just passed away recently. Sad!...My whole family is gone now. I'm the only one "left" here...Been working through my grief in my "own way" bit by bit. I called some friends soon after my son died and waited awhile to tell other friends. I needed a good amount of time alone so I'd feel free to cry when need be...And sometimes I feel "cranky" too!.. I don't want to feel obligated to be "nicey-nice" all the time. (Because other people are around.)..Grief involves such a "mixed-bag" of emotions! Don't you think?..I'm sorry for everyone here who has lost loved ones. It's can sure be rough!
OMG! I am so sorry to hear that your other son passed away too. My prayers are with you during this difficult time.
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Old 09-29-2012, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,172,988 times
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Thanks to everyone for your caring posts. I'm sorry about the losses (and grief) you've gone through too...Asheville Native asked me what my husband and sons might want for me if they knew I'd end up as the sole survivor of my family. (Good question!)...To be honest I think they'd tell me to trust myself and do what feels best and right for me...What do you think your loved ones would tell you? Or want for you?...I think my family would tell me that I'm handling my grief pretty well...I don't think they'd be disappointed in me...I try to "play it by ear" and take each day as it comes. I agree with purehuman (and others) that we all need to handle our grief in our own way...Sometimes I need a lot of space and privacy. But at other times I know I need to get out and join the human race a little bit more. (In one way or another.).. Posting on the forum and making friends here has sure helped me a lot.. Thanks for sharing your life and your stories and your coping strategies with me! Thanks for caring!!
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Old 09-29-2012, 02:44 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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I KNOW what my hubby wants for me because he told me. He wanted me to go on with my life and if I should happen to find another man and love, go for it! Not to feel guilty. That gives me great comfort to know he didn't want me to stop living just because he had. I have his blessings to love again. Have I happened to mention what a wonderful guy he was??
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