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Old 09-29-2012, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
2,444 posts, read 2,232,278 times
Reputation: 5848

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I am so sorry for your losses. I know how hard that is. I lost my Mom, then my husband, then my Dad. I have my kids, but they are living their own lives while helping me (I am disabled due a bad back surgery, so walking is difficult) I know about the feeling cranky, not wanting to socialize, or even explain to people why not, when they have NO IDEA....you will find many great people on this forum who will quickly become friends....VENT AWAY! My prayers and thoughts are with you as well.
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Old 09-29-2012, 10:09 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,639,111 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
A few years ago my older son passed away when he was only 37...Then my husband passed away and my younger son just passed away recently. Sad!...My whole family is gone now. I'm the only one "left" here...Been working through my grief in my "own way" bit by bit. I called some friends soon after my son died and waited awhile to tell other friends. I needed a good amount of time alone so I'd feel free to cry when need be...And sometimes I feel "cranky" too!.. I don't want to feel obligated to be "nicey-nice" all the time. (Because other people are around.)..Grief involves such a "mixed-bag" of emotions! Don't you think?..I'm sorry for everyone here who has lost loved ones. It's can sure be rough!
I can't imagine your loss. I experience the same feelings, the same emotions and "cranky" I can identify with. I lost my husband, my only family. Being all alone in this world is quite the adjustment.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
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Old 09-29-2012, 11:06 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,738 posts, read 21,787,854 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Thanks to everyone for your caring posts. I'm sorry about the losses (and grief) you've gone through too...Asheville Native asked me what my husband and sons might want for me if they knew I'd end up as the sole survivor of my family. (Good question!)...To be honest I think they'd tell me to trust myself and do what feels best and right for me...What do you think your loved ones would tell you? Or want for you?...I think my family would tell me that I'm handling my grief pretty well...I don't think they'd be disappointed in me...I try to "play it by ear" and take each day as it comes. I agree with purehuman (and others) that we all need to handle our grief in our own way...Sometimes I need a lot of space and privacy. But at other times I know I need to get out and join the human race a little bit more. (In one way or another.).. Posting on the forum and making friends here has sure helped me a lot.. Thanks for sharing your life and your stories and your coping strategies with me! Thanks for caring!!
Oh, a few months after a personal loss I start to hide. I can't continue to answer the ongoing questions about housing, finances, etc. I know that people meant well when they asked if my mom could continue to live in that house alone after my dad died - could she afford it, what about snow removal, what if she got sick? I didn't know. I didn't know. Can we please talk about the weather or the upcoming town event?
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Old 09-29-2012, 11:50 PM
 
Location: Southern California
748 posts, read 985,339 times
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I am sorry for your losses, I can not even imagine if my child was to pass before I did. I have lost both my parents many years ago, and it is still painful to be without my mother.

A friend told me her views on life after somebody we love is no longer with us. She had lost her son to cancer at a young age. She said "When my son died, part of me died as well. I have grieved and grieved, the pain did not go away. It did not become easier. I kept praying for my life to be normal again. I wanted to be able to deal with it. I learned that my life will never be the same as it was before. It is like my leg was amputated. Part of me is gone and will never return, my life will never be the same, but in time, I can learn to live a happy life, without that leg, without that big part of me that is missing." It takes time. Be cranky. Allow yourself to heal and soon the new you will emerge and you can find happiness. But your life will never be the same.

Hugs from a stranger.
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Old 09-30-2012, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,179,053 times
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SocalPitgal...Thanks for your caring post and hug...I think I've been going through "hug-deprivation." My son was a big bear-hugger! It wasn't easy for him to give me big, big hugs at the end but he sure tried!...I'm sorry you lost your parents. Sorry about your friend who lost her son. (Sad!)...From the time he was born I used to call my younger son (who just passed away) my "spark of life!" He always had a way of making simple little things fun and exciting!...He held on to his sense of humor and playful side and positive attitude despite all he went through during the past year and a half...Of course he had some "down moments" too but he always found a way to pick himself back up before too long...Anyway I can definitely relate to how your friend felt after losing her son. (And still feels.)...A big "chunk" of me is definitely missing now too. But I'm trying to go on.. Know it will take awhile to get back on my feet a little better...Thanks again for writing and caring.
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Old 09-30-2012, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,179,053 times
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Gerania...Sorry about your losses too. Thanks for writing and caring. Your post helped me understand my crankiness a little better. Thanks...It is hard to answer lots of questions and act "perfectly normal" when our whole life has been turned "upside-down." Maybe this is why I don't call people all the time or see my few local friends alot...People who "grill me" (but "mean well") are at the bottom of my list...I let a little time pass without crying and it took a toll on me. I started slipping into a depression and walked around like a "zombie." But I finally pushed myself to cry again and I feel better...Anyway thanks again for writing and caring!
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Old 09-30-2012, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,179,053 times
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Jrsygrl51...Sorry that you lost your husband and parents. Sorry about your back problems too...You're right. It is hard to "explain things." And have to socialize....I just want to talk or go out when it feels right to me. (Or write etc.)...No "debt, duty and obligation" for me right now! No pressure...No pushing...Nada!...Just taking it a day at a time and trying to "play it by ear." Maybe this is all part of the "coming into my own" process. What do you think? Thanks again for writing and caring. Hope your back starts to feel better soon.
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Old 09-30-2012, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
2,444 posts, read 2,232,278 times
Reputation: 5848
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Jrsygrl51...Sorry that you lost your husband and parents. Sorry about your back problems too...You're right. It is hard to "explain things." And have to socialize....I just want to talk or go out when it feels right to me. (Or write etc.)...No "debt, duty and obligation" for me right now! No pressure...No pushing...Nada!...Just taking it a day at a time and trying to "play it by ear." Maybe this is all part of the "coming into my own" process. What do you think? Thanks again for writing and caring. Hope your back starts to feel better soon.
Thanks, I appreciate it. My back will never be right, the Docs have pretty much said it will be pain killers and muscle relaxers to keep me comfortable, and so I deal with it, the best way I can. And you will come into your own, when you are ready. No one will be able to tell you when that will be....just know, it will happen. Big hugs, Jrsy
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Old 09-30-2012, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,179,053 times
Reputation: 3514
smilinpretty...Thanks for writing. I'm sorry you lost your husband. How long have you been alone? I'm so sorry!...I think I am starting to "get it" that I am all alone now. (Bit by bit anyway.)...I've told a few friends that they may not recognize me down the road. And not to expect me to be exactly the "same." I feel the "rumblings" of "change" going on inside of me right now.. Did you feel this way and go through some changes too? Thanks again for writing.
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Old 09-30-2012, 05:52 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,475,967 times
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Wow. Sorry for your loss. Yes, maybe change would be good for you. Don't do what I did, ten years lost in a haze of depression. I still struggle with it. What did help me was a change to be around people who no longer knew my tragedy. It helped to not have daily reminders, even by nice caring people.
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