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Old 10-02-2012, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,163,216 times
Reputation: 3514

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jasper12...Thanks for sharing. Everyone I know right now knows my "history." (Everyone that I know fairly-well does anyway.) ..My one cousin and a few close friends have a way of helping me get back in touch with other "sides" to me...When I talk to them I end-up feeling a little more normal again and even happy and hopeful...They never "push" anything on me or tell me what to do...I guess they just have a spoken (or unspoken) sense of faith and confidence in me that sure makes me feel "good" and more "alive" again...But this is definitely not the case with everybody! I have a lot of "protective walls" up right now and I'm selective about who I let "in!"...And I warn people that I have sure been cranky lately. This is "code" for: "You better not 'mess' with me because I have a short 'fuse' right now!" (And it's true!)...I'm glad that you've had a chance to "start over" and don't run into many people who know your past circumstances. But I'm sorry it's still so painful for you...I don't know I'll feel or "be" a few years down the road. (Or even if I do move away.) I guess time will tell. Right? Thanks for sharing.
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Old 10-05-2012, 09:32 PM
 
13,462 posts, read 9,564,247 times
Reputation: 17416
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
..I still expect some kind of trauma around every corner.
I can relate very well to this statement. It's been coming at me for the last few years. I am very sorry for your losses. Death is a natural part of life, but it sure doesn't feel very natural when it's happening to your loved ones. Blessed be.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:09 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,667 posts, read 6,723,143 times
Reputation: 7068
I sometimes feel that way. After dh died, my older cousin who was like a big brother all my life, passed away from Lymphoma at 61, then my uncle (his dad) died, and this summer I estranged myself from my daughter after she embezzled a lot of my things and sold them on Ebay, making about $30K. I often wonder, "What now?" Sometimes, I feel like one of those inflatable clown punching bag thingys with the weighted bottoms, that stands back up each time it's punched.
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Old 10-08-2012, 02:51 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,315 posts, read 18,082,888 times
Reputation: 18691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
I sometimes feel that way. After dh died, my older cousin who was like a big brother all my life, passed away from Lymphoma at 61, then my uncle (his dad) died, and this summer I estranged myself from my daughter after she embezzled a lot of my things and sold them on Ebay, making about $30K. I often wonder, "What now?" Sometimes, I feel like one of those inflatable clown punching bag thingys with the weighted bottoms, that stands back up each time it's punched.
(((HUGS))) from a C-D friend.
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Old 10-09-2012, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Texas
25 posts, read 26,341 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
A few years ago my older son passed away when he was only 37...Then my husband passed away and my younger son just passed away recently. Sad!...My whole family is gone now. I'm the only one "left" here...Been working through my grief in my "own way" bit by bit. I called some friends soon after my son died and waited awhile to tell other friends. I needed a good amount of time alone so I'd feel free to cry when need be...And sometimes I feel "cranky" too!.. I don't want to feel obligated to be "nicey-nice" all the time. (Because other people are around.)..Grief involves such a "mixed-bag" of emotions! Don't you think?..I'm sorry for everyone here who has lost loved ones. It's can sure be rough!
I truly can't imagine your pain but I just want to offer you some sort of encouragement. There are no words really, it's just a feeling I want to impart to you. Whenever I see your words, I always see a good heart that may be broken, but is also concerned for others. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself during your pain so maybe others can gain strength from YOU, without you even knowing it. You are not alone.
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:44 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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Nice post, tlk. Yes, we are all blessed to have found each other here.
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Old 10-13-2012, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,163,216 times
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Marcy...Sorry you've been through so much! It's hard to "think positive" and hard to imagine "good things happening" after so many losses and traumas and disappointments and "curve balls!" YUK!...Hope you (and all of us) will have a little peace and calm for awhile. (Even though we're going through grief and have to adjust to being without our loved ones.)...Sometimes my nerves really feel "shot" when I run into obstacles or unforseen problems. (Especially all in a row!)...I know that I'm probably making a "mountain" out of a "molehill" when it comes to some things but my "battery" is "low" and I just feel worn-out and tired!...Do you feel like this too? I could use a little more peace and calm and "smooth sailing" for awhile. (Not problems stacked on top of other problems all the time!).. I'm not a "master magician" with the power to solve every problem on the spot just by snapping my fingers!...I'm not "Wonder Woman" or Mother Theresa or Albert Einstein etc...Sorry to go on and on! Guess I've just been feeling overwhelmed lately!.. Everyone views me as "super strong" and "made of steel!" And I'm still strong! I make it through each day...I probably just need some hugs and more fun (and "rewards") in my life to get back in balance. What do you think?
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Old 10-13-2012, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,163,216 times
Reputation: 3514
tikilgore...Thanks for the kind words. I feel lucky to have so many caring friends here! (Like you!)...I think I tried to "go it alone" too much this past week and I sort of "closed-up" a bit...It had a negative effect on me. I felt like a "zombie" or "robot" or "worker bee" or ?? (Someone devoid of feelings.).. It's been a little over a month since my son passed away and my "real life friends" probably expect me to be normal again...Sometimes I feel a little normal. And sometimes I feel "broken" or "lost" or "mixed-up!"...I want to be left alone but it's not healthy to be totally alone all the time!...Ongoing isolation isn't good!...Have you gone through "flip-flop feelings" like this?...Anyway I'm back and I'm going to write more often and read everyone's posts and feel a part of everyone's lives. I need to connect with friends who understand the grief-process...This way I won't feel so darn alone! And I won't feel like a "freak" or "weirdo" because I'm not 100 percent normal yet...Anyway thanks for all you've shared and thanks for listening and caring! Thanks to everyone here!
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Old 10-13-2012, 06:10 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,315 posts, read 18,082,888 times
Reputation: 18691
See?? Don't ever leave us again. CA!! (((HUGS)))
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,163,216 times
Reputation: 3514
One of my son's cats passed away quietly during the night. I found her dead in her favorite cat carrier this morning. Sad!...She was up in years but she always had a cute "spark of life" inside of her. And she got excited over simple little things. (Just like my son did!)...She felt all the cat carriers belonged to her and she had fun going in and out of them and making them her private little "caves" and hide-a-aways...I'll sure miss her! But now she can be with my son. They were always close...Geez! I don't know if I can handle anymore deaths. Too much!
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