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Old 09-29-2012, 08:19 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,326 times
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My mother in law is extreamyly cruel to me unbealivably to me mentally, socially and much more. She cheated my husband out of 2 mil in bus funds just to keep control of him it was a sick situation tried to break up my marraige and turn my kids against me. She would be so cruel to my husband and try to get him to abuse me so she could get control a sad sad situation. A freacky control freek druged her daughter to keep her mentally ill so she could control her sad sick situation. I got in a wreak once with my daughter and she grabed baby out of my arms lookes at me and said that was all she cared about she would of been happier if I was along side the road in a body bag. Once she told me she would not be happy until me and my children (her only grand kids) were starving and hungry along side the road. My husband and I are fine making it just fine to spite her, our marraige is stronger than ever my kids love me excelent overachiving kids I never told them to stay away from granny but they really don't care for her.. Found out last week she is dying of cancer two older kids have been to see told one of them they are not getting any inheratance. The other one has health issues just went to see her yeterday and granny was cold to her. I don't want to see her and give her a death bed oportunity to be cruel to me Hubby is not making me go. He told me that he is sorry for how she acted that she will be gone soon. The last time I saw her she was cival to me. In spite of it all I still had all the family get toghers at my house she would come make me miserable and leave yet I would still have them over for Holidays with a smile. Hubby is still sad it is his Mom but I have no fellings towards the situation at all. I don't fell sorry for her I don't wish her harm I just really don't care and I am not going to mourn her. I have to keep telling myself I am not a teraiable person. People who know sitiauton do not blame me my Mummy in law from hell is bashing me to all who will listen trying to tell people that hubby and I are sepating that is why I am not there to see her . We are not we are happy and well. I need to have some help on how to handle the funeral in a few weeks. All the people with all the "So Sorry for your loss" and "she was such a wonderful person" (she was to strangers to her own family a *****!) for now I just smile and say "the situation is what it is" but how do I maintain a straight face and be there for my husband when I am not sad about her passing? Help me please
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Old 09-29-2012, 08:32 PM
 
Location: living in OKLA. heart in Alaska
237 posts, read 346,478 times
Reputation: 213
I have had family pass that were unkind to me most of my life and those who were nothing but kind to me,I've never mourned any of them so far.I think the true test will be when my mother passes.I don't see death as all that bad.now I'm not religious in any aspect so it's not oh they went to heaven, it's just most have died of a painful condition and I just think death is a better alternative than life in pain or dementia.
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Old 09-29-2012, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Kirkwood, DE and beautiful SXM!
12,054 posts, read 19,654,413 times
Reputation: 31734
Not only do I not mourn them when they die, I have nothing go do with them when they are alive. Life is too short to have those kinds of people around you. When you are a child, you have no choice, but as soon as you can make the choice, remove them from your life.
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Old 10-02-2012, 10:06 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,469,841 times
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My ex will no doubt, die before me. He has been a good Father, but he was miserable and mean to me. I wonder, should I go to his funeral for my kids? I have no love for him or desire to even attend any ritual where people say what a "great guy" he was...because he was not like that to me. I guess I will figure it out. Not sure what the role of the ex wife is...
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Old 10-03-2012, 01:44 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,670 posts, read 6,744,379 times
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One of my closest friends lost her husband at the end of August to pancreatic cancer. They had a blended family of now adult children. His ex-wife came to the service out of respect for her kids, and because he was the father of her children. My friend even wrote in his obituary that he was survived by his former wife, so-and-so, their children, etc., which I thought was very nice for his kids. On the other hand, I've known couples who had been divorced 20 or 30 years when one of them died, and the survivor had absolutely no interst or desire to attend the service, as the ex had long since been out of their life once the kids were grown. So, I suppose it's however your families have evolved since the divorce, and the ages of the kids.
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Old 10-03-2012, 08:20 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,441 posts, read 18,159,189 times
Reputation: 18824
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
My ex will no doubt, die before me. He has been a good Father, but he was miserable and mean to me. I wonder, should I go to his funeral for my kids? I have no love for him or desire to even attend any ritual where people say what a "great guy" he was...because he was not like that to me. I guess I will figure it out. Not sure what the role of the ex wife is...
Why don't you ask you kids what they would like, Jasper? Years ago I happened to mention something about my ex dying and wondered aloud to hubby I didn't know what I would do about the funeral. Hubby said of course you should go....for your daughter. I doubt I will be able to afford to fly off to Texas now that my financial situation has changed so drastically but if I could, I would go.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Dallas
5,463 posts, read 4,583,254 times
Reputation: 15592
I grew up with a mother whose only interaction with me was criticism, punishment, or neglect. Later in life, when she suffered a stroke, I tried to establish a loving relationship with her and took care of her personal needs. I did this for years but nothing really changed between us. She treated me like a servant who did not meet her expectations. I finally realized that a loving mother/daughter relationship was never going to happen, and I stopped caring. When she was not expected to live beyond a few days I took my phone off the hook. And no, I don't miss her at all.
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Old 10-07-2012, 08:39 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 11 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,301 posts, read 50,558,025 times
Reputation: 60228
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
My ex will no doubt, die before me. He has been a good Father, but he was miserable and mean to me. I wonder, should I go to his funeral for my kids? I have no love for him or desire to even attend any ritual where people say what a "great guy" he was...because he was not like that to me. I guess I will figure it out. Not sure what the role of the ex wife is...

I have wondered the same thing, jasper. And then I wonder if I'm just assuming that he will die before me but that in the end he will get THAT advantage, too. He has gotten away with so much in life and left debt and trouble behind on those whose lives he touched.

I would not want to hear what a great guy he was, either. But, if he does die young (he is 56 now) due to his alcoholism, which is a distinct possibility, our daughter is his only child and his next of kin. I would want to support her through that time--she loves him and they have as good a relationship as one can have with an alkie parent, even though she knows his limitations and gets angry with him sometimes because of his behavior. I also always loved his siblings, who supported me and completely understood when I had to kick him to the curb. As one of them said, "He has turned into our father."
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Old 10-07-2012, 08:45 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 11 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,301 posts, read 50,558,025 times
Reputation: 60228
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
One of my closest friends lost her husband at the end of August to pancreatic cancer. They had a blended family of now adult children. His ex-wife came to the service out of respect for her kids, and because he was the father of her children. My friend even wrote in his obituary that he was survived by his former wife, so-and-so, their children, etc., which I thought was very nice for his kids. On the other hand, I've known couples who had been divorced 20 or 30 years when one of them died, and the survivor had absolutely no interst or desire to attend the service, as the ex had long since been out of their life once the kids were grown. So, I suppose it's however your families have evolved since the divorce, and the ages of the kids.
My late mother-in-law's own mother left her and her four siblings and their father when my MIL was still a child. Her father eventually divorced their mother and remarried, and the kids all loved the stepmother and the half-brothers who eventually came along. Forty-some years later when her father died, she was at the funeral home and this woman walked in, dressed from head to toe in black, hat, veil, the whole nine yards. She said to her oldest sister, "Who is THAT?" and her sister replied, "Mommy".
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Old 10-07-2012, 09:44 AM
 
Location: USA
1,895 posts, read 4,041,277 times
Reputation: 1988
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
My ex will no doubt, die before me. He has been a good Father, but he was miserable and mean to me. I wonder, should I go to his funeral for my kids? I have no love for him or desire to even attend any ritual where people say what a "great guy" he was...because he was not like that to me. I guess I will figure it out. Not sure what the role of the ex wife is...
I would go, because regardless of his personality and/or treatment of you, he did give you your children.

I have looked past many of my ex-husband's shenanigans for this reason.
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