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Nope. My (step)Grandfather died and I didn't shed a single tear. He was a horrible man when it came to how he dealt with children, just mean and hateful. All of my memories of him were negative and I didn't allow him around my own children for the same reason.
Now, he was good to my Grandmother and I attended the funeral to show support for her and comfort her but the only reason I had any regret that he was dead was because it made her sad.
I also loathe the tendency to "re-create" someone after death. My father was what he was, and I mourned him, but others in the family tried to paint him out to be something totally different, a different man by making him out to be pious, loving, and kind, which I felt was disrespectful and dishonest and I wanted no part of.
My great grandfather died a few years ago and I can't say I lost any sleep over it. He did some really mean things in his life, even to his own family. It was very surreal hearing the preacher talk about what a great man he was. I think most of us were thinking...yeah not so much, but I guess that's just what you have to say when someone dies. You can't get up there and say riddance you old b@st@rd. And my grandmother was very sad, so of course I was sad that she was sad.
My mom is going through end stage cancer right now. She did a lot of things that most sane people would consider downright cruel. Her record for motherhood is a very mixed one, and I always swore that when the time came, I wouldn't look back nor care what happened to her.
This has turned out to be a load of crap. I cried like a baby when I heard her diagnosis and rushed to see her as soon as I was able. Though I have not yet lost her, I am finding that watching her suffer is more than I can bear, and I will absolutely mourn her when she goes. She keeps saying "I did the best I could" and I know that this is her way of acknowledging that she hurt me. I tell her that I know she did-- she was the victim of her own terrible childhood, and she was arrested developmentally somewhere in her youth. She didn't have the maturity to be a good parent.
I mourn her because, no matter what, she was my mom and I love her. I wish I didn't. A lot of my grievances will never be addressed and they are mine to work out now, as an adult in full possesion of her own life. There won't be a Hallmark moment when we come to understand one another. And I turned out okay, despite the abuse I suffered. Apparently, I even turned out to be someone who can forgive a great deal. That's got to be worth something.
Your story could be my story exactly...but my story has had its ending.
My Mom did a lot of apologies about her mothering qualities. I knew however that she came from having a wicked stepmother, and a demanding father.
You seem to understand where that bad parenting came from.
Love her now while you can. You'll feel so much better during the days ahead.
I miss my Mom a big bunch I wish she were here today and everyday.
She did the best she could with what she knew from her upbringing. She learned late in life
that parenting was more pure and sincere, loving and kind.
It's encouraging that so many here understand that most people who are mean spirited are at least in part shaped by their life experiences. The trick is, I suppose, not to allow their influence on us make us also defensive and mean to others.
Wow. I seem to remember, way back in my college days, that Freud said that some of the negative influences of our parents often do not diminish until their death, and then sometimes not. There is no way that we can have crappy parents without part of our own beings being crappy, as well - at least if we are not introspective during our lives.
I did not marry early because I noticed that I kept being attracted to men who reminded me of my father, and I never really got along with him. So I find someone, years later who seems to have his act together and now it startles me how much, at times, he is like my mother. Fortunately, it's the good parts of mom.
There seems to have been a lot of parents who should not have had children. Maybe things will change for future generations.
My mother sometimes told me she should have had a second child as a companion for me, growing up. She was obviously clueless concerning some of the things that she did and how that and her dysfunctional marriage affected me. I was aghast that she would visit that on another child. It was only for the very few months at the end of her life that she changed so wonderfully. I think she was seeing a therapist secretly and did not tell me. I felt badly when she died because we were on our way towards a really meaningful relationship then.
I am really asking, if someone who had a physically and emotionally abusive parent, if they mourned when they died?
My mother died when I was 24, and I felt relieved at not having to deal with her and her crazy-making behavior anymore. But I still mourned - for the relationship we never had. My own son is now almost the same age I was when my mother died, and he and I have always had a wonderful relationship, which sometimes makes me sad all over again that she and I didn't.
My mother died when I was 24, and I felt relieved at not having to deal with her and her crazy-making behavior anymore. But I still mourned - for the relationship we never had. My own son is now almost the same age I was when my mother died, and he and I have always had a wonderful relationship, which sometimes makes me sad all over again that she and I didn't.
I, too, felt relief. I lived with my mother. I hate to appear soapy, but although I am not a member of a religion I do believe that we transcend the death of the body. Part of my emotions were involved in knowing that she's in a better place, a place where the issues visited upon her by her parents will alleviate and that she's happier now.
Really, a lot of my mourning - for the relationship we did not have - sort of took place while she lived, in my trying to understand what was motivating her drinking and inconsistent behavoirs.
I do believe that we will see each other again, but that she will not have such issues. I think we will like each other and will understand a lot more about our relationship dynamics.
I don't feel guilty about feeling relief. I think we are what we are and tend to do the best that we know how at the moment.
I don't have children, so there is not that to frequently remind me of our relationship.
My father was an abusive alcoholic...he didn't abuse me, but he beat the crap out of my Stepmother for years...he's been dead 25 years and I still hate him.
I didn't cry when he died.
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Fortunately, it's the good parts of mom. 
