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Old 04-02-2013, 07:37 PM
 
607 posts, read 1,108,112 times
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I had a great uncle who died about a year ago and he was the meanest, most cold-hearted old man that I'd ever known. He never had anything nice to say to anybody. He never liked any of us family members. He treated his friends like gold, yet his family members like crap. He had a daughter that he refused to ever acknowledge was his, although she most certainly was. In general, he was just a really bitter, terrible old man who lived a miserable life and did a lot of terrible things in his life. I went to his funeral when he died and there were less than 20 people there. Not surprising, considering the way he chose to live his life and how terrible he treated people. I heard from my grandmother that he had a painful death and I was sorry to hear that. But I never did mourn over his death. It was just hard to mourn over somebody who I had very little emotional attachment to and who treated myself and my fellow family members like crap.
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Old 04-02-2013, 09:39 PM
 
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Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that you may meet up with some of these miserable people in heaven/afterlife/ whatever? and they haunt you all over again? or do we just assume they were redirected uhmm... elsewhere?
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Old 04-02-2013, 11:22 PM
 
Location: Warren, OH
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that you may meet up with some of these miserable people in heaven/afterlife/ whatever? and they haunt you all over again? or do we just assume they were redirected uhmm... elsewhere?
No. I don't think I will meet up with these people. If I did, I'd tell them what I thought.

Yes. I think that they are - redirected.
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Old 04-03-2013, 02:04 AM
 
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My bio mom left us when I was 10. She just disappeared and we didn't know where she was, just knew that she left with another man. I didn't see or hear from her again until I was in my 20s when she showed up again with no explanation. We all (me and siblings) pretty much had nothing to do with her for the next 20 years she was alive. In my mind I was punishing her for abandoning me.

I'm not angry anymore and in retrospect I wish I had talked to her before she died. She wasn't very forthcoming and I don't think she would have offered an explanation, but now I wish I'd tried to talk to her about it instead of just shutting her out. I still don't understand why she did what she did, but obviously there was something going on with her that she probably didn't understand either. Maybe something in her childhood made her the way she was. I have wondered if she was an abused child and therefore couldn't develop normal mother/child bond with her own children. Except before she left, I felt very bonded with her. Obviously she didn't have the normal maternal instinct, though, because what mother walks off and leaves her children and never looks back? I can't see leaving my children for any man (and the man she left with was no prize anyway). I can't begin to understand; I know I could never have done that to my kids.
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Old 04-03-2013, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,411 posts, read 15,939,671 times
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Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that you may meet up with some of these miserable people in heaven/afterlife/ whatever? and they haunt you all over again? or do we just assume they were redirected uhmm... elsewhere?
I believe in an afterlife, and I definitely believe in reincarnation. I think anyone with whom I have had a strong emotional attachment, good or bad, I will meet with again until we resolve any issues we may have had or help each other out of the cr@p that we've created.

I don't think issues are ever left unresolved. If we cannot look at these people in a neutral manner, able to assess their and our situation without feeling emotional angst, we are still tied to them. I believe that there is a good possibility that people who irrationally cause me harm in this life had been harmed by me in a prior lifetime. I think the best way to handle it is to realize that their feelings - that they may not even rationally understand - probably come from an area of pain, and that I should not hate them in return, but try to understand as best I can.

Don't forget, as well, that there are some problems that have very little to do with you, issues that the nasty person had created for themselves, to live through. These may be totally gone when you see them again and there will be no animosity between us.

It is almost always best for you and they to forgive each other.
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Old 04-03-2013, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,411 posts, read 15,939,671 times
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Originally Posted by luzianne View Post
My bio mom left us when I was 10. She just disappeared and we didn't know where she was, just knew that she left with another man. I didn't see or hear from her again until I was in my 20s when she showed up again with no explanation. We all (me and siblings) pretty much had nothing to do with her for the next 20 years she was alive. In my mind I was punishing her for abandoning me.

I'm not angry anymore and in retrospect I wish I had talked to her before she died. She wasn't very forthcoming and I don't think she would have offered an explanation, but now I wish I'd tried to talk to her about it instead of just shutting her out. I still don't understand why she did what she did, but obviously there was something going on with her that she probably didn't understand either. Maybe something in her childhood made her the way she was. I have wondered if she was an abused child and therefore couldn't develop normal mother/child bond with her own children. Except before she left, I felt very bonded with her. Obviously she didn't have the normal maternal instinct, though, because what mother walks off and leaves her children and never looks back? I can't see leaving my children for any man (and the man she left with was no prize anyway). I can't begin to understand; I know I could never have done that to my kids.
I don't understand the situation with your mother, but I think this motherhood link with the children is not natural to all women. Even in nature you will sometimes see animals rejecting their young. When certain populations get too thick many animals have fewer offspring. Maybe there is something similar that happens with some humans when our population gets too numerous.

My mom left us, but she did come back. She left for love. The guy was dying and she wanted to be with him and tend to his needs as he had no one. I did not know about that at the time and this is all I knew except that she and my dad did not have a great marriage and I think she would have turned out not to have drank so much and might have been much better off if that guy had survived. Of course, I would not have, and not my father, either.

I don't know your mother's story, but my mother was not from a wealthy family. She did not finish high school. Her mother was a nasty piece of work, but young ladies at the time stayed home, even if they were working, until they married. My mother married the first nice, steady, man she met, I think. She married and had me way too young to know who she was as a person. She just loved country music and my dad was from a ranch in the midwest. They went to John Wayne movies together. (Ugh!) My parents, mentally, were not much more than children. They really were not suited to each other.

Looking back, seeing how hard she worked all her life, I don't begrudge her the love she must have had with that man at all.

Not all women wrap their entire lives around their children. If they are too young when they have kids, they sometimes grow up and discover that this is not what they wanted at all. I can understand it if my mother resented me. I held her in that impossible situation.

I got married much, much, later in life, and its turned out fine, so maybe I learned her lesson.
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Old 04-03-2013, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Penna
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Saying goodbye in death is final. Whatever transpired between you and the other can no longer be addressed in physical/emotional terms; so I think ones mourns on many levels.
When my mother passed I mourned for her or maybe myself. Mourned the mother I didn't have, the mother who did everything at every turn to undermind my efforts regardless of who they may benifit.

Of course, even then, I didn't realize the long tern effects her influence would have on other family members, and how they would take up the torch she left vacant.

In my heart I think she loved as much as she was able. Living with her was like living in a warring Greek-city State. She maintained power and control by pitting everyone against the other. I would not play those games thus she turned them all on me.

I no longer mourn her. Time has opened my eyes and healed my heart. I would not wish to know her again, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, (which I believe there is), so forgiveness is essential, forgetting, however, is not. And the same goes for the living members of my family.

I am free at last! Thank GOD almighty! I am free at last!
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Old 04-03-2013, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Southern NC
1,917 posts, read 4,225,788 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that you may meet up with some of these miserable people in heaven/afterlife/ whatever? and they haunt you all over again? or do we just assume they were redirected uhmm... elsewhere?
I don't believe in an afterlife.
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