Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
tamiznluv...I hope your night in the new house went okay. Did you end-up doing a lot of reading?...I'm "forcing myself" to go through some boxes today. (Boxes of my son's things and some of my husband's things etc.) I'm going to donate clothes and other stuff to a local thrift store....I guess life has to "go on" whether our loved ones are here with us or not. Right? Thanks for your posts.
tamiznluv...I hope your night in the new house went okay. Did you end-up doing a lot of reading?...I'm "forcing myself" to go through some boxes today. (Boxes of my son's things and some of my husband's things etc.) I'm going to donate clothes and other stuff to a local thrift store....I guess life has to "go on" whether our loved ones are here with us or not. Right? Thanks for your posts.
Yep, the night went okay except I couldn't sleep again and I just could not go sleep in his bed! I ended up sleeping on the floor with my dog, Mickey! I fell asleep like a rock! I can't believe that hard floor felt so good and I was not sore when the alarm woke me up 4 hours later! I thought for sure I'd fall asleep in the recliner but no go.
Oh yes, I finished my first book and I may start the other one tonight if I go down tonight. ( I think I wrote on one thread my "stove story" of what happened the next day.) ) If not tonight, I'll be going down tomorrow morning.
Yes, as long as we survivors continue to breathe, life must go on. I'm wondering now how poor people did "it" (hang on) before the invention of the PC. We live in a great time that we can share our saddness with each other and help the pain we have inside. It must have been near to impossible back in "the old days". I know people survived but how? I guess lots didn't make it either. I recall reading that some societies buried the widows alive with the husband! Egyptians come to mind as one of them. Man, we are lucky to live in this and last century!
Grief isn't limited to the death of loved ones...Any disappointment in life can lead to a sense of loss. Don't you think?..For instance I remember how sad my sons felt when their dad (my first husband) had to cancel seeing them on a weekend...I felt sad when my parents decided to buy a new house in a neighboring town because this meant I wouldn't live right down the street from my grandma anymore. And I had to say "goodbye" to my longtime friends in the neighborhood and my friends in school...If we "pin" our hopes on getting a certain job (or a job promotion) and it doesn't "come through" for us of course we're going to be disappointed...Society seems to expect us to "roll with the punches" and get over things fast! And we don't want to be viewed as a "baby" who can't cope with life very well. So we act like things don't bother us very much and keep moving on without taking time to grieve over our disappointments in life. Or our multitude of losses. (Big and small.)...And they can really start to "add-up" over time. Don't you think?.. We can end-up with layers and layers of "unprocessed grief" inside of us. With no understanding about why we've become unhappy or "negative" (or angry) so much of the time.. How do you feel about all of it? Thanks.
CArizona, you are exactly right about the "unprocessed grief" that we accumulate from so many losses and offenses. The pain and grief builds up sometimes without us even noticing it. I fell into depression after my father died four years ago and I was surprised since I knew he was dying and we had discussed it; I thought I was prepared. When he died, it hit me harder than I expected and later I realized that the "neglected grief" I had been ignoring from many other causes (not involving my dad), all came forth demanding attention at once! Grief overload!! Society is wrong in thinking that we should ignore, or "roll with it", when we are hurt, betrayed, abused, or lose something important. We should grieve each loss. You must deal with each hurt as it comes thoroughly or you will end up dealing with it at a later time with other "neglected grief." Remember, it's not a sign of weakness to acknowledge and deal with your hurts and losses; it is a sign of strength, self-preservation and self-love. Good point to bring up!
tikilgore...I'm sorry you lost your Dad and went through "stored" (or as you called it) "neglected grief" about other things in your life too...I used to think that I did pretty well when it came to handling my disappointments in life. But I can see (now) that I did a lot of "stuffing" too! And it's all come back to "haunt me!"...It's never easy to "own" and "feel pain." It's easier to keep a "lid" on painful feelings (or anger) and pretend that we are "fine" and feel "nothing."...But I think it can become like a "chronic infection." At first the "infection" is hidden and "underground." (Like a small cancerous tumor.)..Over time (and without treatment) the "infection" or tumor will grow larger and larger and spread throughout our body. (And "poison" our entire system.)...We might reach a point in life when we're not happy very often but we don't understand why...Or we can slip into a state of "chronic negativity." And become bitter and "hard" and cynical and "burnt-out" on life. (In general)...Or as you mentioned some people "fall" into a deep depression and "perpetual funk" or "slump."..I've been thinking about the old cliche lately: "A stitch in time saves nine!"...I'm trying to avoid "stuffing" my feelings. But sometimes it's hard because we've been programmed to let things "slide." Don't you think?.. Thanks for your great post and "validation!"
tamiznluv...Thanks for writing and sharing your experiences in your "new house."...I sure miss having my husband right by my side to "talk to" and confide in and "turn to" when life throws me "curve balls" etc...I miss my son "like crazy" too!..Maybe I need to do a little more posting about my "everyday life" too! Or the yukky "curve balls" that come my way every so often!...I don't think that people knew how to handle grief very well in the past...As I mentioned in an earlier post my parents bought a house in a neighboring town when I was 10 or so. And this meant moving away from my Grandma...It took me a couple of years to recover and get back on my feet. My parents expected me to be happy about our new house. It was the first house we ever "bought." And I was happy about the house. But it was hard for me to "erase" my sadness and sense of "loss" about no longer living right down the street from my Grandma!..I couldn't snap my fingers and make my grief go away "overnight" like my parents seemed to do!
tikilgore...I'm sorry you lost your Dad and went through "stored" (or as you called it) "neglected grief" about other things in your life too...I used to think that I did pretty well when it came to handling my disappointments in life. But I can see (now) that I did a lot of "stuffing" too! And it's all come back to "haunt me!"...It's never easy to "own" and "feel pain." It's easier to keep a "lid" on painful feelings (or anger) and pretend that we are "fine" and feel "nothing."...But I think it can become like a "chronic infection." At first the "infection" is hidden and "underground." (Like a small cancerous tumor.)..Over time (and without treatment) the "infection" or tumor will grow larger and larger and spread throughout our body. (And "poison" our entire system.)...We might reach a point in life when we're not happy very often but we don't understand why...Or we can slip into a state of "chronic negativity." And become bitter and "hard" and cynical and "burnt-out" on life. (In general)...Or as you mentioned some people "fall" into a deep depression and "perpetual funk" or "slump."..I've been thinking about the old cliche lately: "A stitch in time saves nine!"...I'm trying to avoid "stuffing" my feelings. But sometimes it's hard because we've been programmed to let things "slide." Don't you think?.. Thanks for your great post and "validation!"
CArizona, I DO think "society" programs us to "push things under the rug" and guess what?...We WILL trip over it all someday. Let's encourage others to deal with each hurt as it comes so it doesn't compound into a huge mess for them, like it did for us!
tamiznluv...Thanks for writing and sharing your experiences in your "new house."...I sure miss having my husband right by my side to "talk to" and confide in and "turn to" when life throws me "curve balls" etc...I miss my son "like crazy" too!..Maybe I need to do a little more posting about my "everyday life" too! Or the yukky "curve balls" that come my way every so often!...I don't think that people knew how to handle grief very well in the past...As I mentioned in an earlier post my parents bought a house in a neighboring town when I was 10 or so. And this meant moving away from my Grandma...It took me a couple of years to recover and get back on my feet. My parents expected me to be happy about our new house. It was the first house we ever "bought." And I was happy about the house. But it was hard for me to "erase" my sadness and sense of "loss" about no longer living right down the street from my Grandma!..I couldn't snap my fingers and make my grief go away "overnight" like my parents seemed to do!
CA, I'm sure your mother (?) felt badly about moving away from her mom too but as an adult, she could drive to go see her so that made it easier to deal with. When my parents moved down here to Plymouth it seperated me from my Nana and Bampa like the ocean we now lived on. No public transportation like the "T" or buses that we had in and around Boston. I was sad and felt a loss too.
I'll never forget the time when I was 27 yrs old and I got the call from the doc to tell me my pap smear came back that I had stage one of cervical cancer. I was devestated and in shock. I cried copious tears. I also was living back at home. My mother said to me "It's not like you want anymore children, is it??" in a very nasty tone of voice. Yes, I was single again but had hoped to re-marry and have another child or two sometime. That really hurt. What mother didn't know and never knew, was that I had suffered a misscarriage a few months before. So when I came home from the hospital in Boston, I could not "mourn" the loss of my "womanhood". I became rather promiscuous to make myself feel "loved".
I did re-marry and it turned out that I'm glad to have not been able to have a child because he was a "fertile Myrtyle" and I would not have wanted to be "attatched" to this creep for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I am sad that my late hubby and I could not have children. He would have made a super dad. He had no children or ex-wives. He had been a batchelor! Life has turned out okay though. (for me at least) Can't say the same thing for my poor hubby but that's another story we all know from my posts.
tamiznluv...Sorry your family moved away from your Grandma when you were young too..Sorry your Mom didn't understand your loss and feelings when you found out you had cervical cancer and couldn't have more children...What seems like "nothing" and inconsequential to one person may be "beyond devasting" to someone else...I've been keeping to myself a little more lately because it's too hard to pretend to be normal all the time with friends...I don't want to be a "downer."...Sometimes I do okay but I'm not "chipper" 24/7 and I'm not back to being the way I used to be yet...I wish I could just place myself in the freezer for awhile and stay there until I feel more normal again!...Sometimes it's really hard to live with myself. Have you ever felt this way? Thanks for your posts.
tikilgore...Thanks for your posts and support...Someone did a "hit and run" and scratched and dented the back fender of my car in a parking lot today...YUK!.. This past week has been full of "weird stuff" and "ups" and "downs."...So I'm going to have to process all of it. (As we've been discussing in our posts.)...I think we've been taught to sort of "intellectualize" events in our lives versus "feeling things" on a deep-gut level...What do you think?...We're suppose to go around saying: "It's okay! I'm fine. I'm over all of it now."...Or: "It never really bothered me that much in the first place!"...Or: "No sense crying over spilt milk! What's done is done...It's all in the past now and behind me! Time to move on!"..."Big girls and boys don't cry!" "Grown-ups are suppose to be responsible and above their silly and petty feelings!"...Sorry to get carried away! What cliches stick in your mind the most? Thanks for being my friend!
tamiznluv...Sorry your family moved away from your Grandma when you were young too..Sorry your Mom didn't understand your loss and feelings when you found out you had cervical cancer and couldn't have more children...What seems like "nothing" and inconsequential to one person may be "beyond devasting" to someone else...I've been keeping to myself a little more lately because it's too hard to pretend to be normal all the time with friends...I don't want to be a "downer."...Sometimes I do okay but I'm not "chipper" 24/7 and I'm not back to being the way I used to be yet...I wish I could just place myself in the freezer for awhile and stay there until I feel more normal again!...Sometimes it's really hard to live with myself. Have you ever felt this way? Thanks for your posts.
IDK! Does being upset with myself because I can't get out of my pajamas for days count? Does hating myself for squandering the days upon days I have free and still not getting any packing done count? Then the answer is yes. I don't know how to get myself out of this rut. I take happy pills so depression may not be the problem. Maybe it is. I just have no incentive to get up and move. Maybe when the sherrif is at the door with eviction orders, maybe that will get me moving!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Man, we are lucky to live in this and last century!
