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If you have ever had anyone close die in a nursing home, did the nursing home administrator, etc., ever follow up with a call or a card to acknowledge the loss of their patient? I know someone in that situation, and aside from the nurses calling to inform the declining state of the patient and the time of passing, they've never heard anything else from the nursing home. Is this normal, or is it unusual?
My father died in a nursing home on September 12, 2012. He had been living there for almost a year. We kept him at home for as long as my mother, husband, and I could take care of him. He had Alzheimer's Disease. He could not walk, was incontinent, was having choking issues when eating, and it just got to where the three of us could not meet his needs. Placing him in the nursing home was the hardest thing my mother and I had ever done up to that time.
We visited him every day at the home. We knew his two main caretakers there as well as the administrator/owner. We made our presence known. When Dad stopped eating, drinking, and responding, we knew the end was near. (He died six days later.) The staff and the owner, as well as hospice, helped us. Two days after Dad died, the owners sent us a very nice dried flower arrangement and card telling us they were thinking of us.
About a month later, the nursing home sent the refund check for Dad's last month there and another note expressing their thanks for allowing them to take care of Dad. I have since seen Dad's two main caretakers at a store here in town. They ask about Mom and how we are doing. Since then, I have had no contact with the nursing home, and I don't expect any. I really don't even like to drive over to that part of town--too many sad memories.
educator1953, thank you for responding and sharing your personal experience. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like your father's nursing home and hospice were caring even after his death. I can understand why you avoid driving by there. In the case with my OP, I guess time will tell.
No, other than the call about my mom passing, I heard nothing; however, it never occurred to me that I could hear more. She'd been in this assisted living center 16 months and wasn't really close to anyone there. She was deaf during her last months.
Also heard nothing other than the notifying call when my dad passed. He'd only been there 2 weeks. My parents were both very old and all their close friends had died years before.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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My mother-in-law was in a nursing home for about a week before she died (1997) and after she died, the home sent flowers and called about a month later asking if we were okay and if we needed any kind of aftercare counselling. I remember being really impressed. None of my other relatives died in a nursing home, so I have nothing to compare this to.
If you have ever had anyone close die in a nursing home, did the nursing home administrator, etc., ever follow up with a call or a card to acknowledge the loss of their patient? I know someone in that situation, and aside from the nurses calling to inform the declining state of the patient and the time of passing, they've never heard anything else from the nursing home. Is this normal, or is it unusual?
My favourite aunt/surrogate mother was in a home for ten years. There was no card, but several of the staff came to her funeral in a group. They were an interesting mixture. Because almost all of the patients had Alzheimers or some other form of serious mental deterioration, and my aunt did not right up to death at age 95, her room became a respite for some of the workers. They would come in and sit down and chat for a bit, and then get back to work. Most of them were in their twenties and thirties. The ones I remember at her funeral were the maintenance guy, a cleaning woman (older woman), a nurse, a non-medical staff member, the recreation director. The latter had been informed by my aunt in no uncertain terms early on that she had no intention sitting in a circle tossing a teddy bear around for exercise, but this woman used to come on a regular basis and chat with my aunt about life in town, books, etc.
As the home had changed rapidly after she was admitted, taking in more and more mentally deteriorated elderly, the daily social contact with these workers gave her a social life in the home that should could not have with the other patients. She dearly liked them, and used to write to me about them constantly, they had truly become friends...right to the very end.
I didn't receive any cards from my son's acute care facility. Or any cards from the doctors or staff at the big university hospital that had been treating him...Even worse a lot of my son's things were "missing." Most items didn't matter but I would have liked to keep his Pittsburgh Steelers' jersey. (Which meant the world to him.)...The acute care facility didn't seem to care about his "missing items" and acted like they didn't know what I was talking about...Did someone "swoop" right in and "grab" what they wanted as soon as he died?..."Missing items" were a problem at other times too...His cell phone chargers seem to mysteriously "disappear" every so often too...Sad there wasn't more caring. A card or two would have "nice" after he died...But oh well... I didn't receive any cards from the medical staff (or medical facilities) after my husband and parents died either.
Marcy1210, That does sound like a very impressive nursing home staff. It's amazing that they followed-up like that a month later.
kevxu, That's really a great story. She provided something that helped them, and they helped her both physically and emotionally. I don't think it can be much better than that for anyone under those circumstances.
CArizona, I'm beginning to think that this lack of follow-up of any kind, even about the personal items that are left behind, is just the other side of the coin. For some nursing homes it's important to be considerate even after the death of a patient, while for others it seems like it's just "business as usual."
Thank you all for your responses...... it's been very informative.
Rather than waiting for anything from the nursing home or assisted-living, I was like a "grief busy-work" maniac, giving both facilities "funeral packets" with her holy card, obituary and Mass card. They all liked her, and I figured they lose people all the time and they probably don't know much about the life of the deceased, so maybe they'd like seeing that stuff. Whatever...I know it made me feel better at the time and they seemed to appreciate it.
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