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Old 10-02-2012, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
Reputation: 3514

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Grief isn't limited to the death of loved ones...Any disappointment in life can lead to a sense of loss. Don't you think?..For instance I remember how sad my sons felt when their dad (my first husband) had to cancel seeing them on a weekend...I felt sad when my parents decided to buy a new house in a neighboring town because this meant I wouldn't live right down the street from my grandma anymore. And I had to say "goodbye" to my longtime friends in the neighborhood and my friends in school...If we "pin" our hopes on getting a certain job (or a job promotion) and it doesn't "come through" for us of course we're going to be disappointed...Society seems to expect us to "roll with the punches" and get over things fast! And we don't want to be viewed as a "baby" who can't cope with life very well. So we act like things don't bother us very much and keep moving on without taking time to grieve over our disappointments in life. Or our multitude of losses. (Big and small.)...And they can really start to "add-up" over time. Don't you think?.. We can end-up with layers and layers of "unprocessed grief" inside of us. With no understanding about why we've become unhappy or "negative" (or angry) so much of the time.. How do you feel about all of it? Thanks.
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Old 10-02-2012, 11:50 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,642,383 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Grief isn't limited to the death of loved ones...Any disappointment in life can lead to a sense of loss. Don't you think?..For instance I remember how sad my sons felt when their dad (my first husband) had to cancel seeing them on a weekend...I felt sad when my parents decided to buy a new house in a neighboring town because this meant I wouldn't live right down the street from my grandma anymore. And I had to say "goodbye" to my longtime friends in the neighborhood and my friends in school...If we "pin" our hopes on getting a certain job (or a job promotion) and it doesn't "come through" for us of course we're going to be disappointed...Society seems to expect us to "roll with the punches" and get over things fast! And we don't want to be viewed as a "baby" who can't cope with life very well. So we act like things don't bother us very much and keep moving on without taking time to grieve over our disappointments in life. Or our multitude of losses. (Big and small.)...And they can really start to "add-up" over time. Don't you think?.. We can end-up with layers and layers of "unprocessed grief" inside of us. With no understanding about why we've become unhappy or "negative" (or angry) so much of the time.. How do you feel about all of it? Thanks.
I centainly identify with what you say, CArizona. So much of the time, I am misunderstood for reasons I more than likely know but I have to take my own path in life, to make what works for me and not all times is that the right path for me, but to learn is to grow. For 34 years of our time together, my husband and I would discuss together what our plans were and input on it. Gee, it is like I am thrown out to the wolves and it is called, survival of the fittest. I am learning to be fit and I am grateful for suggestions but ultimately, it comes down to my decision, may it be right or wrong. I have to find ways that are healthy and nurturing for me to heal and it is a learning process. May the spirit within us all, direct us on the path that will heal us and bring us comfort. Nameste, from my heart to yours. Hugs!!
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
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smilinpretty...Thanks for writing. I can relate to all you wrote. Sometimes I feel like a chicken who just "hatched!" (And just stepped out of my protective "shell!")...I never really thought in terms of being alone at this age and this stage in my life. Do you feel this way too?...My husband and I both seemed so youthful and limber and healthy! There was no way to predict that he would end-up with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and die 13 months after his diagnosis...It still seems crazy and "unthinkable" to me! But yet it's my reality!...And I have to come to terms with losing both my sons too. It's a lot to process and "digest!"...I feel like you do. I have to work on finding my own path and "way" in life. I feel like an adolescent again even though I'm 63! Go figure!...Anyway I can relate to all you wrote. Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry you lost your husband and best friend too. Good luck to you on your new "path." Maybe we need a couple of butterflies or a hummingbird or a rainbow to "light" the "way" for us once in awhile. What do you think? Thanks again!
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:27 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,642,383 times
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I think whatever brings forth to us comfort. I was watching a video last night of people retiring. There are 10K people who are retiring per day. This one woman was saying that she is widowed and now retiring and we all I believe have the desire to achieve happiness and contentment. This is so true.

My journey from here on in is to honor myself. I am so tired and exhausted taking care of my husband all through the years and the grieving and emotional discontent of watching him change and people slamming the door in my face. I will not take it personally, as I know they are only protecting theirselves and it comes down to me and what i do to make me whole.

I know from here on in my journey is to seek peace, contentment, love and happiness. Life brings to us many gifts if we are open to receive them. I have to let go and let God/Spirit direct me to a life full of whatever my whims and desires are. It got to the point, I was so confused, so discontent, so much grieving, I was complaining and found fault with everyone and everything, I made myself miserable and I made others miserable. Egads!!!

I feel my purpose in life is to achieve the ultimate acceptance of myself and others. Stress free life. Do what I want to do, be who I want to be and laugh and seek joy and comfort.

May my journey begin and along the way, may I follow my path of the least resistance and honor myself in a loving and healing way. All is GOOD!!! CArizona, I wish you healing, love and peace, you are a wonderful human being. xxxoo
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Old 10-03-2012, 09:36 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,542 posts, read 18,200,837 times
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I am learning to accept this "oneness" and be as content as I can be. I don't think "why me?", I don't curse God, I don't want to die myself anymore. That hasn't made me stop smoking though! I will just accept what will be, will be. I'm looking forward to moving back to "our" house and start cooking again on my new stove! If I've cooked a dozen times since January 19th, I may be exagerating! I'm being a hermit but I'm happy. I'm very used to being "alone" all my life since no siblings and now that the shock is wearing off, I'm content most of the time. I don't feel too alone either, I can come "talk" with you guys! I sometimes just miss the sound of my hubby's voice.
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:23 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,743 posts, read 6,184,983 times
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loss of friendship or a marriage gone bad is a form of death, it can bring out feelings of grief...
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
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tamiznluv...Have fun cooking on your new stove! When I feel up to it I'm going to shop for some new casserole type dishes and storage containers that "fit me." (And my style of cooking and storing etc.)...The first Christmas after my husband died (2 years ago) my son and I decided to treat ourselves to a new set of dishes. My son didn't live with me but he came over to "share meals" with me a lot. And we both enjoyed the new set of dishes...Now my son is "gone" (too) but the dishes "live on." I am definitely surrounded with reminders of my life with my husband and son!...I haven't bought much on my own yet except for a fan! I live in the desert and we had an especially hot spring and summer this year. I wanted a "better fan" to help the air-conditioner circulate air a little better in the living room...It's hard to know "what do do" at times! Have you felt this way too? I guess things are still pretty "fresh" for me...I am so sick of my own cooking! YUK! Gross! Too many things end-up tasting like "cardboard" no matter how I try to vary what I eat or spice things up!...Maybe I do need to buy myself some new "kitchen stuff" and even a new set of dishes too. (In time.)...My husband loved to cook and cooked a good 60% of the time. (Or more!) So everything in the kitchen reminds me of my husband!
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:43 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,542 posts, read 18,200,837 times
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CA, I'm not sure about the "what to do" thing. I think I was on auto-pilot for a long time and I seriously don't know how or what I did the first few months. I actually don't recall most of them anymore. I think now I know what I HAVE to do most times. I use fans to help circulate the a/c too. I saw the other day when I was down the "old" "new" house that hubby had bought some new bake pans that aren't even opened. That made me so sad. He loved to make brownies so I will christen the new pans in memory of him and bake brownies for my neighbors. (I hate to bake!)
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,185,519 times
Reputation: 3514
tamiznluv...Thanks for sharing. I guess I must be on "auto-pilot" right now too!.. I have four cats. (Two that were always "mine" and now I have my son's two cats too.)...One of my cats acts depressed and is going through grief too. (Like me!) But the other three cats seem anxious to bring me back to "life!"...Anyway I hope you have some enjoyment when you bake brownies for neighbors in your husband's "surprise" baking pans...My husband was the baker in our family too! I sure miss his breads and "sweet treats!"...Now I have to buy bread in the store and I buy pastry once in awhile..It's all on the "blah-side!"...I guess I have to go through stages of "feeling sorry" for myself and get it all out of my system...I just wrote about my Dad's death in another thread. I didn't want my Dad to "go" but I accepted that he missed my Mom and longed to be with her. I didn't take his "leaving" so personally...I knew that he loved me even though we had some "rough patches" in our relationship in the past...But it's different with my husband and son. (Especially since I'm the only one left in my family now.) Guess I still have a lot of feelings left to "own" and "work through" during my grief process...Thanks for taking the time to write and "share!" I bet your brownies will taste great! Wish I was one of your neighbors! (And not just for the brownies!)
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Old 10-05-2012, 01:07 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,542 posts, read 18,200,837 times
Reputation: 18903
I'm going down to "our" house later today and spend the night. I'm taking my dog with me. He's never lived there before like the rest of the animals have. I hope the smell of "Daddy" doesn't confuse him too much. No tv, no puter, I am taking a couple of books with me, "No Easy Day" and J K Rowling's new adult book, "Casual Vacancy". I'm hoping I can sleep tonight but just in case I can't, I'll have plenty of reading material.
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