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Old 02-17-2014, 12:31 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,740,923 times
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Kailua, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents about 8 months apart, so I can understand the feeling of being anchorless. I was an only child, and I had to move my family to my parents' home to clear it out, fix it up and eventually sell it. We lived about 100 miles apart, and my husband lived in our home and came to my parents' house on weekends. It took three years before we settled everything, and only then, was I able to really grieve. The grief never completely goes away. It eases, becomes bearable, then tolerable and finally, it's very manageable, but it's always there. You will move forward and go on with your life, as hard as that is to imagine now, but it will happen. Along the way, you'll cry, scream, yell, throw things, hate them, love them, miss them, and then one day, accept that they're gone, but realize they'll always be with you in your heart, your dreams and your soul. It's a difficult journey, but with the love of friends and family, you'll make it. I wish you peace...
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Old 02-17-2014, 10:30 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,155 posts, read 6,335,940 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
when you were younger, did you ever think that death was 100%sure thing for every one???? Or did you think that because they were YOUR parents that they would be exempt?
I'd venture to say that at least when we're young, most of us think that about our parents....

The reality of death doesn't change the desperation with which we miss our loved ones when they are gone..it's what makes us human.
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Old 02-17-2014, 10:37 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,155 posts, read 6,335,940 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
Kailua, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents about 8 months apart, so I can understand the feeling of being anchorless. I was an only child, and I had to move my family to my parents' home to clear it out, fix it up and eventually sell it. We lived about 100 miles apart, and my husband lived in our home and came to my parents' house on weekends. It took three years before we settled everything, and only then, was I able to really grieve. The grief never completely , angoes away. It eases, becomes bearable, then tolerable and finally, it's very manageable, but it's always there. You will move forward and go on with your life, as hard as that is to imagine now, but it will happen. Along the way, you'll cry, scream, yell, throw things, hate them, love them, miss them, and then one day, accept that they're gone, but realize they'll always be with you in your heart, your dreams and your soul. It's a difficult journey, but with the love of friends and family, you'll make it. I wish you peace...
Beautiful post, and I hope the OP finds comfort in your words, because they are comforting, and so true.

My DH's parents died three weeks apart- in 1984, so a long time ago. His mother died after what should have been a preventable illness, and his father also died of a sudden heart attack 19 days later- talking about his wife to a store owner they had both known.

My DH was also an only child, and he was understandably unconsolable for quite a while. He went through the motions, but I think it took him an entire year just to get back to anything we'd call normal ( he couldn't keep his mind on anything, lost keys, airline tickets, his wallet, went through that year like a zombie. As you say, we think of his parents every day, talk about them, and appreciate what they gave DH in the way of a good life, values and love when he was growing up....
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Old 02-18-2014, 03:02 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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I was brought up by my aunt and uncle who I thought were my real parents until around 15, so yes they were my parents and both died months apart when I was a teenager, losing my mum changed my lfe entirely as I relied on her so much, she couldnt have did more if she had been my real mother.
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Old 02-19-2014, 12:01 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
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Oh, Dizzy, that must have been hard. I can't imagine finding out that I was adopted, then losing those parents whilst so young! That must have been incredibly hard...I can understand how that would change your life forever. {{{{Hugs}}}} I hope you have lots of pictures and warm, wonderful memories.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:38 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
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It will be the anniversary of my Dad's death in a couple of days. Sure miss my parents. Miss everyone. (My husband and sons and other close relatives.)...Miss all of my cats that died over the past couple of years too...Whew! Too many deaths!...I hope my son's cat Gracie sticks around for awhile because she's pretty much the only family member I have left. Gracie and I are the "sole survivors!"
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Old 02-25-2014, 04:22 PM
 
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I lost both my parents when I was still in my 20's. They died the same week, it was very sad and they were pretty young (in their 50's). Long story, this thread not the place for it.

There were some side effects besides the normal grief/sadness that would expect. Like, my friends were still at the age where they would complain about their parents not letting them do things, trying to tell them what to do and such, and it took all of my energy not to scream "Just enjoy them while they're here!" every ten minutes.

Our roles had reversed when I was around 16 and was taking care of them. I was used to looking at them like children (surly, adult children, but still.) Years later, I still miss them to a point, but instead of real pain I just kind of shake my head and say, "poor mom", etc.

I have to say that it feels very weird that I have plenty of friends my age (40) that still have both their parents. It never even occurs to me sometimes.
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Old 02-25-2014, 04:58 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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I have friends who still have their parents too and it always strikes me as amazing and I wonder if they , the children, appreciate the parents.

Sorry about your parents.
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Old 02-27-2014, 11:17 PM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,740,923 times
Reputation: 7078
Same here. I have several friends who still have at least one parent alive, and I'm 62. My brother-in-law just lost his mom a few months ago--she was 94 and he is 70. My parents died when I was 37. Some people had good genes, good lifestyles, or a combination of both.
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Old 03-03-2014, 11:35 AM
 
5 posts, read 7,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
Kailua, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents about 8 months apart, so I can understand the feeling of being anchorless. I was an only child, and I had to move my family to my parents' home to clear it out, fix it up and eventually sell it. We lived about 100 miles apart, and my husband lived in our home and came to my parents' house on weekends. It took three years before we settled everything, and only then, was I able to really grieve. The grief never completely goes away. It eases, becomes bearable, then tolerable and finally, it's very manageable, but it's always there. You will move forward and go on with your life, as hard as that is to imagine now, but it will happen. Along the way, you'll cry, scream, yell, throw things, hate them, love them, miss them, and then one day, accept that they're gone, but realize they'll always be with you in your heart, your dreams and your soul. It's a difficult journey, but with the love of friends and family, you'll make it. I wish you peace...
Thank you Marcy1210. I have good days and bad days. It's all compounded by some terms in their will that the house must be sold within a certain time frame and proceeds split. While that's great, I haven't had any time to mourn and now Im having to go through things at a pace not of my choosing. I'll probably look back and be fine with it all, but right now it feels like a crushing weight on my shoulders. My brother helps where he can, but everyone else lives a continent away, so it's all on me. You're right, I have moments where I'm fine, then mad at them for leaving, then inconsolably missing them. And the physical pain- I've never felt such a heaviness on my chest before and I'm so sick of crying! Sleep, I remember sleep once. Oh how I took it for granted...
Anyway, thank you for the kind and thoughtful post, it's good to know others have been through this. I know I'll get through it, too. But some days I just want to bury my head like an ostrich!
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