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Old 10-17-2012, 10:20 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,628,230 times
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Thank you, everyone who posted here. I am very appreciative of what you all say to me. Today was not a good day for me. I cried off and on the whole day, thinking I was done with the crying. I thought I heard my husband's voice and ran out into living room calling out for him. I thought maybe he came back to me.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:24 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,565,142 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Thank you, everyone who posted here. I am very appreciative of what you all say to me. Today was not a good day for me. I cried off and on the whole day, thinking I was done with the crying. I thought I heard my husband's voice and ran out into living room calling out for him. I thought maybe he came back to me.

I have always found it very cathartic to go to the river and throw lots of rocks when I had a really tough day at work when I managed the truck stop. I know it is not even remotely close to being the same but my point is when I was that angry and frustrated it was good for me to go and throw rocks at the river, just the physical part of throwing helped release some of the angry energy I had..........

Besides humans tend to get a bit pi ssy if you throw rocks at them.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,522 posts, read 21,572,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
JanND,

I am in a support group. And I am doing my best to try to get through this. There are days I feel I am going to make it and get over this and there are days I feel like I am slip sliding away. Grief is a process and we all will experience to some degree or another. I am doing the best I can to achieve wholeness.
Oh, now you've done it. I had to go over to youtube and listen to Slip Slidin' Away.

"He said Dolores, I live in fear
My love for you's so overpowering, I'm afraid that I will disappear "

Some days I'm pretty sure that I could disappear.
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Old 10-18-2012, 02:45 AM
Status: "Missing the colors of the Colorado aspens in fall" (set 21 days ago)
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,665 posts, read 6,710,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Thank you, everyone who posted here. I am very appreciative of what you all say to me. Today was not a good day for me. I cried off and on the whole day, thinking I was done with the crying. I thought I heard my husband's voice and ran out into living room calling out for him. I thought maybe he came back to me.
Smilin...as you know I broke down a few days ago, and it'll be three years next week. My entire first year was a fog. I do understand what you're going through. I remember someone making a comment about moving on and getting out a few months after dh died, and becoming extremely angry. I wanted to scream at them and tell them they didn't understand, I wasn't ready to move on. I didn't WANT to move on. I wanted to miss him, and love him, turn back time and keep him near forever. I wanted time to freeze so I wouldn't have to move on.

But, just like children grow up whether you want them to or not, you do move on. At first, I didn't even realize I was moving on. I went out to lunch with a friend. I planted flowers in pots on my balcony. I went to a lecture at the library. I joined a couple of committees with my HOA. I sent out Christmas cards that second Christmas--his one year anniversary. I got on Facebook and found my old high school's page and reconnected with people I hadn't spoken to in 40 years. I flew back to CT for my 40th reunion. It didn't mean I was over him, or that I'd forgotten him, I just realized that time goes on, and I need to as well. I still ache, still smell his shirts in the closet (yes, still have a few), cry horrific sobs when I watch a home video, talk to him, swear I hear his voice, and miss him. It's gotten easier, though. And it will for you. It takes time, and you're doing good things. Your support group, your friend, it's all good. Four months is a short time. You'll need at least a year, probably two before you feel somewhat human again. So, take baby steps. Little steps forward because there will be lots of steps backward, too.

There was a book that really helped me out. It's pretty old fashioned, and appealed to more middle class older women of the 60's, but there was still good advice in there. It was written by a Tucson psychologist who's long since passed away, but she was a two time widow. That book became my Bible for the first year or so.

Widow To Widow: Thoughtful,Practical Ideas For Rebuilding Your Life: Genevieve Davis Ginsburg: 9780738209968: Amazon.com: Books

If you can get a copy of this, sit down and skim through it. Some chapters will fit you perfectly, others will be antiquated and out of touch. But, it's an affirmation that you're doing okay. As Annie says, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, it's only a day away. " So, happy tomorrow...
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Out of Florida........
4,309 posts, read 5,438,388 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
JanND,

I am in a support group. And I am doing my best to try to get through this. There are days I feel I am going to make it and get over this and there are days I feel like I am slip sliding away. Grief is a process and we all will experience to some degree or another. I am doing the best I can to achieve wholeness.

"I am doing the best I can to achieve wholeness."..........


And for now, that's all that's needed. Cry alot, it helps. Scream out loud if you must. I understand. I'm here. DM me at will.

A sister in Christ Jesus
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:11 AM
 
Location: USA
1,895 posts, read 4,028,423 times
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Quote:
People are trying to fix me, telling me I need to do this, I need to do that, I am not taking care of myself. I am the broken toy, sitting on the shelf, looking down at the child on the floor playing. Everyone who I know wants to fix me but they don't have the tools to put me back together again, they become frustrated and slam the door.
If I were you, I would limit my interactions with the people who do not understand what you are going through.....in the sense that, they do not understand that this will take TIME. Perhaps they have never lost someone, or simply do not understand about grieving.

I would hate to be grieving my husband, and simultaneously feeling like I had to justify my grieving.

You are there. There is no "fixing" that anyone can do. It takes time. Scream, cry, kick the ottoman......do what you gotta do with all the pain and loss inside you.

Some people just don't understand. And I wouldn't want to be around them at this time. You have every right to grieve this wonderful man that you have lost. You have no choice. It's organic process....if certain people don't understand, oh well. You owe no one any certain type of behavior. If they don't like where you are right now.....well, that's just too bad.
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Old 10-18-2012, 09:14 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,628,230 times
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Thank you so much Sundance and Marcy, your words are healing and full of grace.

I know I have to do this in my own time. I prefer not to be around people all that much because of just that reason, they don't understand.

I appreciate you both.
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Old 10-18-2012, 12:22 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,263 posts, read 18,037,484 times
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smilin, I'm sad that you are having a bad day. We all have them now. It can't be helped. I don't open my shades anymore either, except for the livingroom where my birds are at. THEY NEED the sunlight.

Yes, we DO know you. You are a cyberfriend who is hurting badly and we all listen and try to help with our advice or try and say something that might comfort you for a minute or two. We are on the outside looking in and hearing you. Picklejuice was just giving advice on what they thought was common help. We hear you and I'd bet most everyone would agree with picklejuice that maybe anti-depressants would help you. We are not doctors but I'd also bet that most of us are on or have been on them. I was so depressed when my dad died, I was useless to even myself. My doctor gave me some anti-depressants and within a week I felt the black cloud and weight lift off of my head. I didn't feel any less sad at Daddy dying but I could cope with life now. Talking with people here and my happy pills saved me from going off the deep end when hubby died. Just my happy pills wasn't working, it was a combination of both. Dear one, we are not trying to "tell you what to do". We are just very concerned about a friend who seems to need help.
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Old 10-19-2012, 02:04 AM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,855 posts, read 2,017,498 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
smilin, I'm sad that you are having a bad day. We all have them now. It can't be helped. I don't open my shades anymore either, except for the livingroom where my birds are at. THEY NEED the sunlight.

Yes, we DO know you. You are a cyberfriend who is hurting badly and we all listen and try to help with our advice or try and say something that might comfort you for a minute or two. We are on the outside looking in and hearing you. Picklejuice was just giving advice on what they thought was common help. We hear you and I'd bet most everyone would agree with picklejuice that maybe anti-depressants would help you. We are not doctors but I'd also bet that most of us are on or have been on them. I was so depressed when my dad died, I was useless to even myself. My doctor gave me some anti-depressants and within a week I felt the black cloud and weight lift off of my head. I didn't feel any less sad at Daddy dying but I could cope with life now. Talking with people here and my happy pills saved me from going off the deep end when hubby died. Just my happy pills wasn't working, it was a combination of both. Dear one, we are not trying to "tell you what to do". We are just very concerned about a friend who seems to need help.
This is a beautiful post! So full of heartfelt love for a friend many of us may never meet.

It sounds like some of you may have formed friendships before this thread; that is super.

I just met Deb through this thread. Her words touched my heart. Today she fills a part of my heart.

I sincerely hope that our words are filling your heart, too, Deb.

We each mean well, and I think what we are all saying is {{{{HUGS TO YOU}}}}.
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Old 10-19-2012, 08:59 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,628,230 times
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My heart felt thanks to each and everyone of you that have posted. I have received poems and friend requests, all GOOD and LOVING from your hearts. I feel grateful.

Hugs back to you all.

I extend to you all my prayers and best wishes for a life of happiness and may all your dreams come true.

HUGS and many blessings,
Smilin
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