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Old 10-19-2012, 11:31 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoNansea View Post
Thanks Tami~ I think anytime we lose someone we love, we have a relationship with, especially when involved in each other's lives regularly, it's such a life-changer that it leaves you devastated. While this has absolutely been the worst thing I've ever had to deal with, I don't want to discount other's feelings who are grieving for their hubands, wives, Moms, Dads, Sisters, Brothers, Grandparents, Friends or whoever it is they miss so terribly much. There's been so many deaths of family and friends in recent years, I just can't stand it! I'm afraid I'm becoming numb. Last January, my good friend I used to see a lot suddenly passed away. She was 54. The next day my daughter's best friend died in a freak drowning accident. She was 40. The day she died was the day before my daughter's 30th Birthday. That same week my nephew died of skin cancer. He was only 36. My son was 30 when he died. Makes me wonder... what is going on!?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyTXsmile View Post
I am in the exact same position this year. We're beginning a new tradition this year with friends. The added bonus is that the holiday will be meat free which means I can finally eat everything there. It will also be dog-friendly, which means my dogs won't be left at home by themselves (something that always broke my heart).

So, all the girls are bringing their men, dogs, and meatless dishes. I'm actually beginning to get a little excited about it, surprisingly (or perhaps I'm getting good at tricking myself). I know it won't be the same, but trying to compare a new tradition to an old one wouldn't be fair (just like comparing a new boyfriend to an old one). I will take it for what it is, and hopefully in a few years (or decades) I'll get excited for the new holiday tradition just as I did for the old one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyTXsmile View Post
I can see both sides of this. I, too, used to say life goes on. Then I lost my entire family. That's especially hard for me because my life revolved around my family. I put my career on hold to care for my family. My family always said I and my godmother were the glue that kept everyone together.

Now there's no one to keep together. There's no "life" to go on. The only "life to go on" is mine. So, I figure I can sit around which will just make me even more depressed, or distract myself with socialization. I opted for the distraction, since it's pretty much the only thing that keeps me going.

One day soon I hope to meet Mr. Right, remarry, possibly have children (if I'm lucky enough to still be able to have them) and/or adopt, and hopefully that will give me enough joy to make up for the fact that everyone else I love has since passed. Time will tell. Until then, I shall continue distracting myself.
NoNan, I know you didn't mean to lessen the pain of losing anyone we love. That's JMO about losing a child. That is just terrible the way you lost so many loved ones in such a short period.

SunnyTx, I love your new tradition! Your girls sure are a blessing. I like your attitude about getting another life going.
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Old 10-20-2012, 06:28 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
1,961 posts, read 4,159,021 times
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Before my dad passed away in April, he told my mom and I to still put up a tree and enjoy the holidays without him. We are still going to decorate this year.
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Old 10-20-2012, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
2,444 posts, read 2,230,594 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony22 View Post
Before my dad passed away in April, he told my mom and I to still put up a tree and enjoy the holidays without him. We are still going to decorate this year.
Sorry Tony....I lost my Dad suddenly on Christmas 2008. I spoke to him Christmas Eve, told him I loved him and would call him the following day. I called, but the machine picked up. I figured he was at the cemetery, visiting my Mom's grave....(I lived in Oklahoma then, he was in NJ) About 2 pm, I got a call from my younger sister. "Merry Christmas, Daddy's gone...." just like that. He fell asleep Christmas Eve and had a massive stroke. I remember when I was 18, one of my closest friends Dad died on Christmas, and I thought, man, that is going to suck for her for the rest of her life..I love Christmas, but it isn't the same...I'm glad for you, that you will honor his memory and celebrate as he asked.
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Old 10-20-2012, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Islip,NY
16,942 posts, read 19,680,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony22 View Post
Before my dad passed away in April, he told my mom and I to still put up a tree and enjoy the holidays without him. We are still going to decorate this year.
We still continue to decorate at my mom's and my dad is gone 8 years. He never grew up with a house decorated for the holidays because his mom was mourning the death of several loved ones over the years. He never knew what the holidays were really like until he met my mom. Even though he never said it, at the end of his life he told my mom how much he appreciated all the holidays, food and decroating that she did.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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I made it through the holidays last year even though my son was in the hospital or acute care facility from November "on."...He was still alive! And I still had hope that he'd be able to come home someday...This year is completely different...It's hard for me to make plans or consider what I might do (or not do) for the holidays yet.
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Old 11-23-2012, 12:58 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
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Alrighty now....one down, two to go! If I don't go to one of my neighbors for Christmas dinner, I shall do the same as yesterday except with ham! Watch tv and stay calm and peaceful. Works for me! I won't dwell on Earl's death, I won't dwell on the happiness going on, I won't feel sorry for myself because there's nothing to feel sorry about. I had a wonderful husband and now he's gone but I'm still here and have to make the best of what time I have left. All I know is I'm so much better being where I am right now, than to be still married to the a-hole I was before Earl. THAT is reason enough to be satisfied and get through the "happy times" come hell or high water.
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Old 11-26-2012, 01:08 PM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
4,245 posts, read 5,750,175 times
Reputation: 2953
I will cook a Christmas dinner for my sister and her kids the day before Xmas eve (Sunday), at my sisters house.

Probably (depends on weather) spend Xmas eve itself hiking the hilll country south of Lousiville, about 12 miles or so, then return for gift giving at my parents house, attended by sister & kids.
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Old 12-23-2012, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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It's a little strange to say "happy holidays" to someone who is still "knee-deep" in grief. Don't you think? But I wouldn't want to wish anyone "misery" or "hell on earth" either...Most of my friends just say that they hope I do "okay" during the holidays...What do people say to you?..This is the first time in my life that I've really, really, really had to take things day by day. How about you? How are you doing?
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Old 12-23-2012, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,525 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
It's a little strange to say "happy holidays" to someone who is still "knee-deep" in grief. Don't you think? But I wouldn't want to wish anyone "misery" or "hell on earth" either...Most of my friends just say that they hope I do "okay" during the holidays...What do people say to you?..This is the first time in my life that I've really, really, really had to take things day by day. How about you? How are you doing?
Hi CArizona. Well, first of all on a personal note, I do not like the phrase "happy holidays." I know it is the "politically correct" thing to say (gheesh, I even hate that term), but I say Merry Christmas. I want to keep the Christ in Christmas. Most of the people that say whatever to me don't know that I am a recent widow. Even my co-workers, that I am around the most often, say it in passing, just like they say "How are you doing" in passing. No one ever stays around to hear how I am really doing, or for that matter, really don't seem to care.

Today at church our Pastor's mother visited. Her husband of 52 years just died in October. She and I had an opportunity to talk and found out we had so much in common. She is really having a hard time. Another lady in our church, who husband died a year and a half ago, is still really having a difficult time. I told her about this forum and how much comfort and strength I have gained from it; I told her it was ok to grieve for as long as she needed to. She said she appreciated me saying that. Thanks to all of you that helped me understand that.

While I still take one day at a time, and while I am just trying to get through this season, I am trying to put one step in front of the other and move forward. I am tired of being unhappy!! I am by nature a happy person, and these last 8 months have been anything but that. You may have read on another post that I went to a Christmas party and took a male friend with me. I had a great time!! It showed me that I miss socializing and companionship. For the last 5 years I have done none of that, having been my husband's caregiver. Yesterday, a friend of mine confided in me that Jim told her, before he died, that the one thing he was the most afraid of was leaving me all alone and no one to love and take care of me. She said he would have wanted me to enjoy life!!

When the time is right, and with the good Lord's blessing, I know my life will move forward. I'm trusting His timing.

CArizona, I am so glad I have you in my life. Thanks for listening (and I hope that answered your question!)

tngirl
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Old 12-23-2012, 02:30 PM
 
Location: WY
4,910 posts, read 3,487,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoNansea View Post
Thanksgiving was the last holiday I had with my son. He loved traditions and was always the first to arrive. He died 10 days before Christmas and his birthday was in January. I spent that time bringing him home and making arrangements. So even though I have family and I do my best to let them know how much they mean to me, the holidays are very difficult. It's when I cry for him the most.
Next Sunday my son would have been 29 years old. Christmas was his favorite holiday and it was mine as well

My husband and I didn't decorate the house this year and will not be celebrating Christmas this year. I finally bought gifts for my sons' new baby, who was born six months after my son died. My child never saw his own child, and that knowledge is unbearable for me. The baby is named after my son and I can't bring myself to call him that name. I am happy for my son's wife though, because her new baby has given her purpose.

For those who are able, I wish you a Happy Holidays. For those who are not able, I wish you some measure of peace in the coming year.
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