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Old 12-23-2012, 06:34 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,432 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18814

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CA, I've been thinking about the same thing lately. Like tn, I HATE "Happy Holidays". I HATE being PC most of the time. I really hate that nativitys(sp) are against the law now! How dare these judges take away our American identity with all this PC crap. If I had the old one my parents had, I'd put it out. Nothing else, just that.

The first couple of times I tried to say "Merry Christmas" to someone, it came out "Happy Holidays" and that made me so mad at myself. Now I've managed to get the "Merry Christmas" out a couple of times.

In THIS thread, I wish everyone a peaceful Christmas but outside of this thread, I wish people a "Merry Christmas". Remember, I fake it most of the time.

tn, I can't tell you how many times Earl told me the only thing he was afraid of was leaving me alone. I tried so hard to tell him I'd be alright but as we all know, that was not the truth. (tearing up as I type this) God Bless those two widows at your church. The only people besides my gfs across the street that really care how I am doing are the cashiers at the packie I go to up in the center of town and a couple of old friends from school. THEY listen to me.

(((HUGS))) to all.
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
Reputation: 3514
tngirl...Thanks for your upbeat post! I can relate to what you wrote because I've always taken pride in getting back to being happy in my life too. (No matter what..And even if the happiness is short-lived.)..I forced myself to go to a Christmas dessert "social" on Saturday night. (At my son's former complex.)...Lucky for me one of my son's former neighbors took me under her "wing" and sat next to me all night long..I realized that she had a lot of qualities that I always loved about my Mother. My Mom always tried to make shy or lonely people feel loved and part of the "group."...Anyway my son's neighbor stuck by my side all night and "cared" for me without making a "big deal" about it. Nice of her!...Good that you were able to spend time with your Pastor's Mother and help the other lady at your church with their grief...It does feel good to just blurt out "Merry Christmas!" (Versus having to watch what we say all the time.)...Thanks for being "here" and thanks for caring about the rest of us despite your own pain and grief...Thanks to everyone for caring and sticking-around and reaching out to help others! (Despite your own "heartache" and sadness.)
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,210 times
Reputation: 699
carizona, glad you were able to feel welcomed at that function. That person was very kind and loving to "take you under her wing." I'm sure she saw that it may be difficult for you. That's what friendships are all about, reaching out to others.

That's one thing that I like about this forum, I feel like you all have reached out to me and I get great comfort and strength in reaching out to others. I hope you will slowly....gradually....in your own time....be able to move forward. It doesn't mean you have to stop grieving or feeling any way you want to feel. But let's face it, like someone else said in another post, it is now up to us to go on with our lives. However we choose to do it and always at our own pace.

I wish we lived closer....all of us....wish we could get together often and go see a movie or go out for coffee or lunch or dinner.....or just get together to talk. In the meantime, this forum will have to do. Just know that I am always here for you.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
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tamiznluv...I'm sorry that you don't have more people in your everyday life who really "hear" and listen to you...It's the same for me so I don't usually say much...When I do share "more" I usually end-up apologizing at some point because I don't want to bore anyone or be a burden on anyone etc..I know that everyone has their own problems even if they haven't had to deal with the death of loved ones....And some people have trouble handling an "outpouring" of feelings. Don't you think?...We're supposed to keep things short and "clipped" so we won't make someone else feel weird or uncomfortable. (And this is especially true if we're interacting with people who tend to keep most of their feelings "at bay" and closed-off.) Don't you think..You probably "hibernate" (and I do too) just so we'll feel free to cry and get our honest feelings out of our system...It's hard to smile and "fake it" non-stop! YUKKO!
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,210 times
Reputation: 699
carizona, a friend of mine is a director at a hospice facility. He told me something that makes sense. He said that after you lose a loved one, you have so much grief and feelings bottled up inside, you need to get that all out. You will never be able to heal and move forward until you get it all out. Cry or do whatever you need to do, just get it out.

I think that is true. Of course, we all have to do that at our own pace and in our own time. But crying in your home (or anywhere) is healthy and is helping get it out of you.

I hope you can understand. I am not saying this to judge you, I am encouraging you to "get it out" and not feel guilty about it. I guess it's just part of the healing process.

tngirl
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
Reputation: 3514
tngirl...Thanks for caring. I do let myself cry. Some of the Christmas movies make me cry at times...And there is no telling what might make me cry at other times...How about you?.. And sometimes I have to let some anger out too. (Like calling my husband and son "turkeys" for bailing-out and leaving me!)...I know it all has to come out. And I can tell when I am walking around in a "stuffed" and "stiff" (and "straight-jacket") kind of state...Well maybe I don't notice it right at first. But if I catch myself being cranky for a long time or cynical or start to feel "dead" inside I know I need a good long cry. Or I need to "pound walls" or do something to get the "crud" out of my system..How about you? Do you have signs that tell you it's time to "unleash" some of your emotions?...Have to go out and run errands for awhile but will be back later and write more...I'll be by myself tonight. (Christmas Eve.) But I'm going to have dinner with my friend and her husband tomorrow. How about you? Thanks for caring!
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:32 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,432 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18814
CA, I'm hibernating right now because it's too cold outside! I hibernated during the good weather because that's what I wanted to do....be by myself. Hopefully by spring time I will want to be more outside than I was this year. I don't like being out in the sun too much, I'm very faired skinned and I burn so easily and I hate putting goop all over just to go out during the day so I tend to stay inside a lot. That's okay too, I'm happy.

I'll be alone tonight too but having dinner tomorrow across the street. There's quite a few specials on tv tonight. I'm not going to dwell on the fact that it's Christmas Eve so I won't think about how things used to be and hopefully that will keep me from depressing myself and having a crying jag. BUT who knows? I may end up crying anyway.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:21 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,003 times
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Hi, CA, Tam, Tngirl,

REading your posts right now was similar to how I feel, fortunately, you are all in a better place than myself. I cry at the drop of a pin. I just don't feel like I want to be social, I am not happy, I am major depressed. I am tired of faking until I make it. I will go out today for a short time and then I will come home, make myself a sandwich, hot cocoa and snuggle in my bed and cry on and off. I am pathetic, lonely, sad and I am not much company to no one but only you realize where I am coming from. I have come a long way but still have a long way to go. I am still in the fog.

Love you all,
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,210 times
Reputation: 699
Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Hi, CA, Tam, Tngirl,

REading your posts right now was similar to how I feel, fortunately, you are all in a better place than myself. I cry at the drop of a pin. I just don't feel like I want to be social, I am not happy, I am major depressed. I am tired of faking until I make it. I will go out today for a short time and then I will come home, make myself a sandwich, hot cocoa and snuggle in my bed and cry on and off. I am pathetic, lonely, sad and I am not much company to no one but only you realize where I am coming from. I have come a long way but still have a long way to go. I am still in the fog.

Love you all,
That's ok smilinpretty, you just take as much time as you need to. You don't have to fake it with anyone. You have every right to feel any way you want to feel. If other people don't understand, that's their problem. You don't need any more guilt on you.

I have faith that you will get through this. I have faith that we ALL will get through this. It's such a difficult journey. I am here for you.
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Old 12-24-2012, 03:14 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,432 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18814
Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Hi, CA, Tam, Tngirl,

REading your posts right now was similar to how I feel, fortunately, you are all in a better place than myself. I cry at the drop of a pin. I just don't feel like I want to be social, I am not happy, I am major depressed. I am tired of faking until I make it. I will go out today for a short time and then I will come home, make myself a sandwich, hot cocoa and snuggle in my bed and cry on and off. I am pathetic, lonely, sad and I am not much company to no one but only you realize where I am coming from. I have come a long way but still have a long way to go. I am still in the fog.

Love you all,
Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
That's ok smilinpretty, you just take as much time as you need to. You don't have to fake it with anyone. You have every right to feel any way you want to feel. If other people don't understand, that's their problem. You don't need any more guilt on you.

I have faith that you will get through this. I have faith that we ALL will get through this. It's such a difficult journey. I am here for you.
Here, here, tn. Yep, we will all be here for smilin'. When you do come out of the fog, smilin', you are going to feel so wonderful. Not happy, cheery happy but the relief will feel so good. I pray for you that it will be sooner rather than later. It's not being "unfaithful", it's self preservation. All of our husbands would want that for us. Some expressed that hope for us before they died fortunatly. I hope they are looking down on us and are smiling at us.
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