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Old 11-07-2012, 01:51 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
Reputation: 18811

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Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
Tw years ago I lost my brother to esphogael cancer. This year a close friends 33 year old daughter died from an over dose of vodka and pills...

In July after being ill for two months I lost my father, then on the heels of that my sons' friend suddenly lost his 38 year old wife who contracted a virus that attacked her heart.

I'm so numb I don't think I've even really grieved for my father yet..miss him so much but the tears have not come yet..maybe I'm not normal
You are probably in shell shock mode, Kate. I bet if things calm down and you don't have anymore grief heaped upon you, one day you will be able to break down and cry for Dad. I'm so sorry to hear of all the pain. (((HUGS)))
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Old 11-07-2012, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,024 times
Reputation: 699
[quote=Avalon08;26840491]Awww, thanks so much, TNGirl. I know losing an elderly parent is not like losing a spouse, and sometimes I feel kind of silly for posting here about my ongoing grief issues....but I can't really talk to anyone else about it. They've all moved on and expect that I have, too. One of my cousins (the one who said "She lived a good long life") was just talking to me recently about it, and mentioned Mom's "quality of life", as if I should feel comforted that my Mom is gone now since her quality of life had declined the past few years (in my cousin's eyes). I really pushed back on that one. No matter how frail my Mom had become, she was still happy to be alive, mentally sharp, and enjoying even the littlest things in life, like sitting outside the assisted-living on a nice spring evening, or playing Bingo, or looking at my e-mailed photos of the grand-dogs that she loved so much. Who is to say that someone's life is not worth living anymore?

Avalon, losing an elderly parent is devastating just like losing a spouse. No need to apologize, your grief is very real, just like all of ours. I had already lost both of my parents, but thought, I'm ok, I have my husband. After he passed away, I felt all alone. I felt "orphaned" and now I feel lost. I go through the motions everyday, go to work, come home....everyone thinking, and expecting....like you said....that I have just moved on. No one asks how I am doing.

I stand corrected about you being there when your mom took her last breath. From your description, she sounds like a wonderful woman.

tngirl
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Old 11-07-2012, 04:18 PM
 
13,773 posts, read 32,990,989 times
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You know I always say that angels appear in your life when you need them most. You know who they are, the ones that appear and help you but won't be there forever usually.
The friend who recommended a church which was just what you needed. The friend who comes by your house to help you pack when you are moving. The friend who calls just to check on how you are doing.

I was really hurt when after my DH passed away I no longer heard from his sister. I thought we were close but I guess her life had other plans.

I think we are lucky to have each other here. BTW.. I live in NE AL near Huntsville. See there are angels everywhere and no I am not talking about me..
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Old 11-07-2012, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,024 times
Reputation: 699
Keeper, we are almost neighbors!!
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Old 11-08-2012, 03:28 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
Reputation: 18811
Wow, I just got myself angry and upset from this thread...

How is NJ doing with Nor'easter?

How dare they "attack" me when I was just wondering how this Nor'easter was effecting those bozos. Never will I try to be friendly to the Joisey forum again. They can fall down a split in the earth from a quake as far as I'm concerned. Sorry, Kate, I'm just fuming at the moment. Nothing directed at you or your state, really.
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,083 posts, read 5,496,975 times
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OMG, Tam, what an over-reaction on their part! You clearly were asking a question of concern. I had no idea they were so darn pric*kly about Joisey.

I know how you feel -- I've gotten attacked by a couple ***holes on various threads here and it left me STEAMING mad. Bunch of know-it-alls.
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Old 11-08-2012, 11:06 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
Reputation: 18811
Thanks, Avalon. BTW, isn't that in Joisey????

Here is a post of a friend of mine from Jersey.....

"Hmm. That Joisey thing has got me wondering. People say it that way all the time but I'm trying to think if it is native people joking on ourselves or not. Either way, I don't think it is offensive. Definitely not as offensive as that person made it out to be. Good thing you didn't joke about big hair and what exit do you live off. Maybe their strings are just wound too tight from the weather."

LOL, I DID joke about Theresa Caputo's BIG HAIR on the LI Medium thread! No one took offense!

Anywho, I have calmed down by watching tv and just laughing about them.

I watched the first hour of The American Humane Association Hero Dog Awards tonight. After one award, I just fell to pieces and sobbed my heart out to my dog. Why? IDK. It just happened. One thing Betty White said though struck a nerve in me....talk to your animals. How are they supposed to know what is going on with you if you don't talk to them?

I'm not much of a talker to begin with, that's why my parrot is not much of a talker either. My husband talked non stop practically! He used to talk to himself too. Always did.

So, I'm stooped over Mickey patting him and said "Oh, Mick, I miss Daddy so much!" I don't use the word "Daddy" since Earl left in the ambulance and Mickey was shut up inside the bathroom and never saw daddy again.

Mickey has never come over to me to try and comfort me in all the months I cried and cried. I thought that so strange because one of my cats even used to do that and they are not know for doing that! Tonight Mickey came to me and put his head in my lap and just sat there while I sobbed and petted him. I told him why I was crying and he knew. His heart is broken too because daddy disappeared on him. I know it is. I've seen it. I'm sobbing again typing this. Anywho, my baby boy and I shared "a moment" together tonight.

Thanks for listening. (((HUGS)) to all.
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Old 11-09-2012, 01:15 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
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Tami, we had two Yorkies when Bob died (one died a few months later at age 15) and I always used to say "Daddy's home!!" when he'd drive up. About a year after he died, I said that to the younger Yorkie mostly out of curiosity to see if she remembered, and I'll be darned, she ran right to the front door, got all excited whining and scratching at the door, it broke my heart to have to disappoint her, so I never did that again. They do remember...

Another time, a few months ago, I set up the VCR and was looking at tapes I was going to transfer to CD on the computer. A scene came up where Bob was talking to the camera and playing around with the dog, saying her name and calling her. She came running in from the other room when she heard his voice, and started circling the TV trying to find him. She stood up to see if he was on the TV table, tried to get behind the stand, really going nuts looking for him. She definitely recognized his voice and was really excited to find him. That was sad....it broke my heart a little as she's only 6, so she was remembering from when she was 3.
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Old 11-10-2012, 10:01 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,516,023 times
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I think animals CAN feel or tell when there is something the matter with us, and I think they also can feel grief and loss.
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Old 11-10-2012, 10:32 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I think animals CAN feel or tell when there is something the matter with us, and I think they also can feel grief and loss.
I do too, Pik. That is why I had never said "Daddy" again when I came home "empty handed" so to speak.
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