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Old 11-21-2012, 11:14 PM
Location: Central NJ
1,041 posts, read 2,775,584 times
Reputation: 371


Hi folks. I am new to this forum. I've been on Citi-Data for years, but have been mostly a lurker in recent years, and have avoided this particular forum altogether.

Two months ago, my life changed forever. I lost my mom after a long battle with Leukemia. She didn't die directly of the Leukemia, but from complications from it. Long story short- my father found her on her bedroom floor in the middle of the night.

A little background: I am going to be 40 in February. My mom was 66. I have no siblings. My father is in relatively good health, though he has some major back issues that make it impossible for him to live on his own. I am divorced. I have no children.

So, I will be moving in with him next week.

I am a full time graphic designer, but I am now also a full time travel agent, as my mom owned a travel agency which I have now inherited.

I have so much on my plate, it's overflowing. I now have to be a caretaker for my father, a role I was not expecting to have to take over. The full time travel agency was not something I was expecing to have to jump into either, but mom had clients taking vacations, and I needed to make sure that final payments were made, etc. And I've decided to try to keep that going as well.

I am not sure I've really given myself time to grieve, though I do find that i am overly sensitive to a lot of things. I'm reaching out for help when I've never really felt comfortable doing that before (I still don't... but if I don't get help with certain things, I am going to crack). I'm losing my independence and moving in with my dad after not living at home for 15 years. And my life is now forever changed.

I miss my mom every single day. Every moment.

I know there is no timeline on grief. I try to think of things in a very logical way, most of the time. But my emotions just get the best of me sometimes, and I feel so out of control.

And now, tomorrow is thanksgiving. And we have to get through that. And then get through Christmas -- I am Jewish, so we don't celebrate, but that would have been my parent's 44th wedding anniversary.

I hope all of you and your families have a very happy thanksgiving.
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:09 AM
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,024 times
Reputation: 699
Default Glad you found us

Hi monack, glad you found us here on this forum. We are a bunch of caring and supportive people who do not judge anyone for what they are going through.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. And now, you have so much going on for you with moving in with your dad and taking over your mom's travel business. You have come to the right place to vent, ask questions or anything else you need to do. We are all at different stages of grief and mourning. Personally, I don't know how I would have gotten through the last 7 months without everyone here.

I lost my husband of 32 years on 4-1-12, and had already lost both my parents. I was my husband's caregiver for the last 5 years while working 30 hours per week outside the home. Many times it was just too much and I thought I would never make it. After he died, even though his death was expected, I was so lost and felt emotions that I never knew I had. It was a godsend that I found this forum and all the wonderful people here.

Your life really has changed in so many ways, I'm sure you feel overwhelmed. And on top of all the changes, you have to find time to grieve. The only real suggestion I can give you is what people here have told me....you must take care of yourself first, eat nutritious food, get as much rest as you can, and my personal advice: just take one day at a time. You can only do so much in one day. You have to take care of yourself so you can be there for your dad. The business will work itself out I'm sure, in time.

Life, in general, can be overwhelming in the best of times. Please come here often and share your thoughts and feelings. I have found that if I write down how I am feeling, it helps to "get it out of me" and usually find a response that makes me feel so much better. Sometimes my ideas and thoughts that I think are crazy or weird are also felt by others, so it makes me feel a little saner.

When people ask me if I am getting counseling for my loss, I tell them that I have my Pastor, close friends and this forum. Most people have not even heard of City-Data. I have told so many people about my "counselors" here. I truly don't know where I would be today with everyone here; it has made that much of a difference in my life. It is daily reading and posting for me. And if I can help someone else, like you, it helps in my healing too.

Please stay in touch with us, we all really care. Helping each other through this is what it's all about.

God bless,
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Old 11-22-2012, 08:21 AM
Location: SWFL
21,422 posts, read 18,139,040 times
Reputation: 18773
(((HUGS))), monack.

I can not find a single thing to add to tn's "advice", she said all there is to say about this forum and us. We all do what we can for each other and by golly, it works! Being able to let out all the raw emotion you have inside and finding out someone also has thought/felt that way too is a wonderful relief. No one can talk to us as we all do here. We are all in the same boat one way or another and we are saving each other from drowning.

You are a good daughter to move back in with Dad. I'm sure dad likes the company. If you can afford it, maybe get a p/t person to work the travel agency for you?

Hoping you have a peaceful Thanksgiving today.
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