U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-17-2012, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,802 times
Reputation: 704

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I meant breaking the seal of staying by yourself most of the time, tn. The other, I was talking for myself. I don't have any old (not in age neccessarily), good male friends who are not married that I could ask to anything like that.
Ok, gotcha! But still, you never know what the future holds!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-18-2012, 01:31 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,670 posts, read 6,747,013 times
Reputation: 7083
I miss companionship. I was thinking of that today. I came across an anniversary card Bob gave me on our last one together, and I turned into a blubbering idiot, just crying and sobbing, and it's been three years. I'm tearing up as I write this. Maybe it's the holidays, but everytime I think of him, I miss him dreadfully and I cry. I'm having a second round of grief the past couple of months, almost as bad as the first few months. I wish I had someone to talk to while making dinner, someone to chat with about the day. I don't want a romantic relationship...I'm in no way interested in that. But, a male friend. One I could go to coffee with, who I could talk to. A listener. I get along much better with me because I'm such a sports nut; love working with tools, making things; and am not a dress up girly girl. I'm a tomboy and always have been. My son shares dinner with me, but he's got his own life, and he's not who I want as a confidant, good listener.

I had a cousin lose her husband in April 2010, six months after Bob. I reached out to her, but heard nothing back. Same with a lifelong girlfriend who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer in August. I sent a card, made a donation to the charity, and nothing. In my card, I told her I understood how she felt and if she ever needed anything or just wanted to talk, call me. I've heard nothing. Not even a thank you note....I don't get it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 08:11 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,464 posts, read 18,167,629 times
Reputation: 18839
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
I miss companionship. I was thinking of that today. I came across an anniversary card Bob gave me on our last one together, and I turned into a blubbering idiot, just crying and sobbing, and it's been three years. I'm tearing up as I write this. Maybe it's the holidays, but everytime I think of him, I miss him dreadfully and I cry. I'm having a second round of grief the past couple of months, almost as bad as the first few months. I wish I had someone to talk to while making dinner, someone to chat with about the day. I don't want a romantic relationship...I'm in no way interested in that. But, a male friend. One I could go to coffee with, who I could talk to. A listener. I get along much better with me because I'm such a sports nut; love working with tools, making things; and am not a dress up girly girl. I'm a tomboy and always have been. My son shares dinner with me, but he's got his own life, and he's not who I want as a confidant, good listener.

I had a cousin lose her husband in April 2010, six months after Bob. I reached out to her, but heard nothing back. Same with a lifelong girlfriend who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer in August. I sent a card, made a donation to the charity, and nothing. In my card, I told her I understood how she felt and if she ever needed anything or just wanted to talk, call me. I've heard nothing. Not even a thank you note....I don't get it.
Hmm, so it's not just me personally, huhn, Marcy? Sorry, but I'm glad to hear that. Hope you understand what I mean. Yes, I understand that your son should not be your confidant.

I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep last night thinking about what I'd posted about companionship. I started crying because I realized it is EARL's companionship I truly want. (tearing up here now .) It's HIS touch and bodyheat I want, not just someone's.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,223 posts, read 57,353,566 times
Reputation: 52083
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Okay, guys, you loling yet???
Hysterically.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 10:14 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,464 posts, read 18,167,629 times
Reputation: 18839
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81 View Post
Hysterically.
Good. I do mean to make y'll laugh somtimes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 12:22 PM
 
Location: 5500 feet
41 posts, read 86,694 times
Reputation: 32
Jude, and others in the situation,
What about having folks over to your home, something very casual?
Or calling someone up and suggesting a coffee break chat?

After that, I'd get involved with a widows/widowers group.
If nothing else, they get it in their own ways.

Most of the time, those who haven't lost someone are afraid. They don't know what to say or do, what will hurt inadvertently. You have to say, it is (or is not, quite yet) OK to talk about the person you lost. You have to say its OK, even if you get sad or cry, that you need others' memories.
Same goes for divorce!

I think one of the stages of adjusting to life post trauma is reaching out, and it is painful. But it is so very necessary.
Shalom, and may you do something to add to your peace.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 04:10 PM
 
15,836 posts, read 18,470,538 times
Reputation: 25622
Let people know that you are ready for invitations. Invite someone to lunch, dinner...The word will get out once you do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 04:14 PM
 
15,836 posts, read 18,470,538 times
Reputation: 25622
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
I miss companionship. I was thinking of that today. I came across an anniversary card Bob gave me on our last one together, and I turned into a blubbering idiot, just crying and sobbing, and it's been three years. I'm tearing up as I write this. Maybe it's the holidays, but everytime I think of him, I miss him dreadfully and I cry. I'm having a second round of grief the past couple of months, almost as bad as the first few months. I wish I had someone to talk to while making dinner, someone to chat with about the day. I don't want a romantic relationship...I'm in no way interested in that. But, a male friend. One I could go to coffee with, who I could talk to. A listener. I get along much better with me because I'm such a sports nut; love working with tools, making things; and am not a dress up girly girl. I'm a tomboy and always have been. My son shares dinner with me, but he's got his own life, and he's not who I want as a confidant, good listener.

I had a cousin lose her husband in April 2010, six months after Bob. I reached out to her, but heard nothing back. Same with a lifelong girlfriend who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer in August. I sent a card, made a donation to the charity, and nothing. In my card, I told her I understood how she felt and if she ever needed anything or just wanted to talk, call me. I've heard nothing. Not even a thank you note....I don't get it.
I think what you described exists. I believe there are others out there that want the same things as you've described. Perhaps a singles sight, with the description of companionship that you've written...I''l bet there are more than a few men, women who woud reach out to you too. Good luck to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,802 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
I miss companionship. I was thinking of that today. I came across an anniversary card Bob gave me on our last one together, and I turned into a blubbering idiot, just crying and sobbing, and it's been three years. I'm tearing up as I write this. Maybe it's the holidays, but everytime I think of him, I miss him dreadfully and I cry. I'm having a second round of grief the past couple of months, almost as bad as the first few months. I wish I had someone to talk to while making dinner, someone to chat with about the day. I don't want a romantic relationship...I'm in no way interested in that. But, a male friend. One I could go to coffee with, who I could talk to. A listener. I get along much better with me because I'm such a sports nut; love working with tools, making things; and am not a dress up girly girl. I'm a tomboy and always have been. My son shares dinner with me, but he's got his own life, and he's not who I want as a confidant, good listener.

I had a cousin lose her husband in April 2010, six months after Bob. I reached out to her, but heard nothing back. Same with a lifelong girlfriend who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer in August. I sent a card, made a donation to the charity, and nothing. In my card, I told her I understood how she felt and if she ever needed anything or just wanted to talk, call me. I've heard nothing. Not even a thank you note....I don't get it.
Hi Marcy, it never ceases to amaze me how much we have in common! I have always been a tomboy too, and am a football fanatic! I also had a cousin lose her husband a couple of months after Jim died. I too reached out to her, called her (we hadn't talked in years), gave her my phone number, and told her to call anytime she needed to talk; it would help me too. I have not heard another word for her, and don't expect to, sadly. And we are family, closely growing up as kids. Nothing.....I don't get it either.

I am looking for companionship. I have a close friend, ex-coworker, a couple years older than me.....great guy, but he is married. He took me to Jim's burial at the VA National Cemetary. He would do anything for me. We kid around at work (now work in adjoining offices), and talk......and have been to lunch. I have a couple younger male friends, but not the "going out" type. I'm more like their mama, and that is great, because they are always checking in with me to see how I am doing. I would like someone just to hang out with, go to a play or dinner or lunch or a ride.....just friends. Probably someone a little more my age.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-19-2012, 12:24 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,670 posts, read 6,747,013 times
Reputation: 7083
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Let people know that you are ready for invitations. Invite someone to lunch, dinner...The word will get out once you do.
If I had been able to financially afford staying in my home in Colorado, it wouldn't be this lonely as I had a lot of friends, even though I was somewhat in the country. But, moving to the condo here in Tucson was like parachuting into no man's land. We had only owned this for a year and a half before Bob died, and had only been here three times, so I knew no one when I moved in permanently. I joined two committees of my HOA and met some full-time residents, but they're all married and mostly younger.

Of the 200+ condos here, only 40 are full time residents. The rest are out of state owned as rentals through VRBO or such, others are corporate owned for their employees who are transferred here and don't have a home yet, and still others are just vacant and for sale. Of the full-time residents, almost all are married, many are younger families, there are a few single females in their 20's or 30's, and of the few my age, again, all married. I did go to a local widow/widowers meeting, but I just didn't click with the members. I have two girlfriends I go to lunch with occasionally, but they're married, as well. They've invited me to get togethers at their homes, but I always feel like the 3rd wheel as the other guests are all married couples. It's not easy being in a snowbird town that's also a University town as the population is very transient, and for a 60+ woman, it's not easy finding other singles my age. Most men my age seem to want a wife or a girlfriend to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. I'm not interested in that. I'd just like a friend I could talk to a couple of times a week over a glass of wine on the balcony. Strictly platonic.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top