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Old 12-17-2012, 01:36 PM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,860,279 times
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You'll think of me??? Ok. I have not had one invitation to someone's home for dinner or a drink for nine months. (Excluding my son) My husband was sick 6 of those months. Three months have passed since he died. The phone hardly ever rings. I feel as if I have dropped off the face of the earth.
I know I am responsible for my happiness. I am not sitting with self-pity, but those words of 'We'll be think of you" leaves me with a feeling of emptiness.
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Old 12-17-2012, 02:22 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,632,531 times
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Oh, Jude, what happened with me is, "Call me if you need anything" and I called the two people who said they would help me and they said they could not help me and never did they bother to phone me.

My phone seldom rings. Boy, what a important message and learning I have received.
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Old 12-17-2012, 02:59 PM
 
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Me too. There were several people who came at a moments notice and I will remember them forever. They were my heros. Others, like you said the same. I called, and they were just too busy. Right now I am trying to go out of my way to smile and talk to perfert strangers. Had the opportunity this morning in grocery store. Just talking to anyone right now is important to me....don't care who it is.
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Old 12-17-2012, 03:36 PM
Status: "Laughing at Fundie." (set 22 hours ago)
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
23,170 posts, read 11,994,333 times
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I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely, especially if you've reached out and been rebuffed. I felt that way for many years but along came this internet thing - and over the course of the past decade+ I've made many valued friends - many of whom have "spilled over" into real life friendships.

But if it's the face-to-face contact you're longing for, perhaps you could check into local clubs, pursue a new hobby, take a course at school, volunteer at a hospital or nursing home - just force yourself (if necessary) to become a little more proactive in the community. I predict friendships will form along the way.

Good luck. (Never hurts to have some of that, either.)
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Old 12-17-2012, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 404,038 times
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Jude, I understand how you are feeling. I have been like that as well. I guess it's fortunate for me that I work and see people everyday. The face-to-face contact seems to help. People as me how I am doing and I say, "ok." I say that just to get past the moment; I want to ask them, "how much time do you have?"

I have my church and there are a lot of caring people there. But I did something this past Friday night that I haven't done in a long time; I went to a Christmas party/dinner at my former bosses house. All my old colleagues and friends were there. It was wonderful. I laughed....a lot....I don't remember the last time I did that. Really, it has been years and years. I even went with an old friend (male, 20 years my junior) and I found myself getting "excited" to go. After I left the party, I realized how much life and living I still have in me.

Today I find myself thinking that I miss going out with someone....yes, I guess male. I'm not talking about anything serious, just friendship and companionship. Surely there are others out there that are feeling the same way. I almost feel "guilty" having these feelings, but I know my husband would not want me to stay holed up in the house and not enjoy my life. This is the first time I have put these feelings down into words, but I feel like you are all my friends and would understand.

As I said in an earlier post, I miss being happy!! The stress and strain of being my husband's caregiver for over 5 years, and the pain of watching him go downhill so slowly.....has really taken a lot out of me. I put my life on hold to take care of him. Now, no one but me can do anything about that. I want to move on with my life and enjoy it. And it will be up to me to want to do that. Jim always said, "Attitude is everything. Your attitude affects everything you do in life." He was a wise man.
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Old 12-17-2012, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
18,756 posts, read 12,400,174 times
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"We'll be thinking of you" is a bromide. It is a way of expressing support without actually providing support.

I am sorry your friends have let you down.

Is there a way you can help others who have had losses? You can be the friend you need?
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Old 12-17-2012, 05:56 PM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,860,279 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
Jude, I understand how you are feeling. I have been like that as well. I guess it's fortunate for me that I work and see people everyday. The face-to-face contact seems to help. People as me how I am doing and I say, "ok." I say that just to get past the moment; I want to ask them, "how much time do you have?"

I have my church and there are a lot of caring people there. But I did something this past Friday night that I haven't done in a long time; I went to a Christmas party/dinner at my former bosses house. All my old colleagues and friends were there. It was wonderful. I laughed....a lot....I don't remember the last time I did that. Really, it has been years and years. I even went with an old friend (male, 20 years my junior) and I found myself getting "excited" to go. After I left the party, I realized how much life and living I still have in me.

Today I find myself thinking that I miss going out with someone....yes, I guess male. I'm not talking about anything serious, just friendship and companionship. Surely there are others out there that are feeling the same way. I almost feel "guilty" having these feelings, but I know my husband would not want me to stay holed up in the house and not enjoy my life. This is the first time I have put these feelings down into words, but I feel like you are all my friends and would understand.

As I said in an earlier post, I miss being happy!! The stress and strain of being my husband's caregiver for over 5 years, and the pain of watching him go downhill so slowly.....has really taken a lot out of me. I put my life on hold to take care of him. Now, no one but me can do anything about that. I want to move on with my life and enjoy it. And it will be up to me to want to do that. Jim always said, "Attitude is everything. Your attitude affects everything you do in life." He was a wise man.

Five years as a caregiver......wow, I don't know how you did it. It was only 6 months for me, and it went so quickly.

I miss the going out too. Sitting having dinner and a glass of wine...I think about years ago sitting in front of the fireplace and talking about future plans. We did have a wonderful life together. Lots of family trips and a couple of trips over to England.....business related, but I got to go with. We had lots of fun.

I know my husband would want me to be happy too. Just someone to have a nice conversation with. Movie or dinner. That's all.......it is the companionship which I will need.

I do plan on taking an art class and I want to learn to knit.

I have found a grief support group at the church across the street. It starts in January.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts feelings. This is such great support group in itself, and I truly appreciate all of your kindness.
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:46 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,315 posts, read 18,088,667 times
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Hi, gang! What a good thread, Jude. Yep, I got all the platitudes also and when I DID make a call, they were too busy also. I vowed that day to never ask for help again.

Dude, I think Jude meant people we already know, not making new friends. You suggestions are good though for when we want to venture out into the world.

tn, you "broke the seal" the other night, gf. I'd like male company also sometimes but I won't go there because you ladies all know what the "price" is. Especially knowing how good a marriage Earl and I had despite his ED from the Ben-Gay. HE was the one worried about ME getting tired of no sex. I was quite content to snuggle, kiss, hug. LOL, a requisite to date me is having ED!

Okay, guys, you loling yet???

smilin', the only time my phone rings is bill collectors. I hear ya. My friend who was widowed this past July doesn't even call me! I called her when I found out, she didn't call to let me know and she has never called me back. She did call a couple of times when Earl first died but that was it and now it's nothing. I thought she might find herself up in the middle of the night, like me, and want to have someone to call. Guess not. Oh well.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 404,038 times
Reputation: 699
[quote=tamiznluv;27388672]
tn, you "broke the seal" the other night, gf. I'd like male company also sometimes but I won't go there because you ladies all know what the "price" is. Especially knowing how good a marriage Earl and I had despite his ED from the Ben-Gay. HE was the one worried about ME getting tired of no sex. I was quite content to snuggle, kiss, hug. LOL, a requisite to date me is having ED!

Whoa girl, I'm not talking about "paying the price" as you put it! I was just saying it was nice going into a group setting with friends and laughing and having a great time. And I even drank water!! And being taken there by a man, an old friend, was just extra nice. I'm not saying I'm ready for the dating scene. But you just never know what the future may hold.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:29 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,315 posts, read 18,088,667 times
Reputation: 18698
I meant breaking the seal of staying by yourself most of the time, tn. The other, I was talking for myself. I don't have any old (not in age neccessarily), good male friends who are not married that I could ask to anything like that.
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