Grief and Wills - Advice Needed

[Rabrrita]

Today, I had to notify several people of the terms of a Will. These were the friends mentioned in the will. For the most part everyone accepted the estate distribution.

There was one person whose gift was turned down. The deceased had left his property to his neighbor who works in anti- animal cruelty. He left the entire property to her so she can expand the center that takes care of abused animals. The current center is under contract to the County and State as well as several local animal control agencies. Currently, a section of the deceased property is leased by the County Government as an overflow. The deceased request was that the neighbor be given his property and all lands. That she uses it for the primary purpose of caring for abused animals.

The issue today was that she is really broken up over his tragic death and clearly was grief stricken when she declined the gift. I suspect that there was something much more than just neighbors and friends although she never said anything and he never mentioned her to me while alive in any manner but as a dear friend. I know she really could use the property and maybe down the road would gladly accept it, but, right now her grief clearly is dictating her response.

Is there any advice on how to proceed? I know the legal requirements, so that’s not an issue yet. What I want to do is get opinions on how best to interact with the neighbor until the grief subsides enough to get the gift settled. Someone suggested I just leave the papers and give her the 60 days to accept; another suggestion was to stay away until a couple weeks before the final date to accept and revisit her on the subject. I really have no idea how to handle this and I certainly can understand her grief as it took me a full 4 days of numbness before I came out of the shock of his death. I wonder if the holidays are playing a role in the reaction?

Any and all advice, suggestions, plain old thoughts on the issue would be greatly appreciated.

[Sam I Am]

How long ago did the death occur? It may be that she simply cannot absorb everything....or there may be a situation you know nothing about. Perhaps she is in bad health or doesn't feel she will be able to maintain that property or her work with animals.

I'd wait a few weeks - let it all settle in and let her go through her stages of grief and then revisit the topic. Their relationship doesn't even matter - no matter what it was he had some final wishes. If he has family then she may just feel guilty that he left this to her rather than immediate heirs.

Can the land be put in a trust for a longer period of time so that she can think on it or can you suggest that she accept the gift and then deed the property to the animal shelter? It would serve the purpose intended and she could take a substantial tax write-off. I'm positive her friend would want her to benefit in some way if he thought enough of her to leave the land to her in the first place. I'm assuming you were the Executor of the will; did you actually know this woman prior to your discussion about the will? If so perhaps an attorney would be best at this time. Someone who is only involved in a businesslike manner may be easier for her than trying to discuss this with another friend of the deceased's.

[Rabrrita]

Thank you for the response.

The idea of the property transfer was discussed between the neighbor and the deceased before. So, based on her fully being aware, I am assuming that the shock and grief is just overwhelming her sensibility at this time. Besides the lost, she is also the caretaker in death for his pets, some traditional but one requiring special handling. So she has a lot on her plate. I left her the outline of the will provision and I'll just wait for her to come around. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised because many others were also hit hard by his tragic death and seemed overcome with his generosity towards them.

[Sam I Am]

I'm very sorry for your loss - I am assuming you had a personal relationship as well with the man who has passed. It seems he was a very generous soul who remembered those he cared about.

I'll tell you this - I inherited some property years ago from someone who was a close friend but not THAT close, not enough to leave what I received. I had touched her life....long story, but she committed suicide in the middle of a serious illness. It was a very, very long time before I could actually "receive" the gift. I had it, I just couldn't do anything with it because I felt guilty...guilty that she was gone, guilty that I hadn't done more than I did, guilty that I didn't know how depressed she was, guilty because I was so well and she clearly was not.

I'd say this lady is overcome with an avalanche of emotion, some of which you may never understand. In the end, though, I hope she will come around. This man's gift to her was the last thing he could do and it obviously meant so much to him.

Kudos to her for taking on his pets too. It does sound like she has a lot to handle; hopefully time will help heal.

[Dollydo]

She may have concerns about paying the real estate taxes and insurance on the property.

[Rabrrita]

Thanks Dollyo for the info. The taxes are paid in trust for about 4 more years, but that’s a good thing to remember to mention to her.

Sam I Am, you raised a very good point on guilt. Expanding on that, I'm wondering if the guilt of his death and her gain is part of it. I now know that he had planned to take her to Paris for the New Year, so that build up to a wonderful time that is now a mourning period may also be weighing her down.

Fortunately, most of the pets were all animals that had found their way through the cruelty center where he adopted them so she has known them from when they first arrived, through the adoption and since as they are neighbors.

After doing some reading up on the subject, I'm more confident that this is not unusual and often is a normal temporary grieving reaction, so hopefully everything will work out.

The one good thing about all this is the need to properly execute his wishes didn’t give me time to grieve in solitary, and all these other folks have sort of been the shoulders as we leaned on each other.

Thanks all for the advice.

[Rabrrita]

Just an update: Communications between all occurred and is now in the process of working out the details of the transfer. The beneficiary needed that alone time to grieve and come to terms with the tragic event.

[Sam I Am]

I'm glad to hear all is progressing. Sometimes our grief is so profound it transcends everything else. Peace to all of you as you maneuver these last steps.