U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Easter!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-06-2013, 10:33 PM
 
1,288 posts, read 2,299,713 times
Reputation: 760

Advertisements

I haven't been in touch with him in years since I moved away for graduate school. We just drifted apart, but I always thought that I will reconnect with him again. And, that we will be in our 60s or 70s, sitting in the front porch or backyard and talk about life. That will never happen now.

I can't believe he is gone. He was one of my very few childhood/old friends whom I considered as true friend. We were both mature as kids and I can tell that we will both become more mature and wise as we get older and our friendship, when we reconnect, will be deeper. I am saddened.

I don't know why I am posting this.... can someone post something to make me feel better....something insightful into all this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-06-2013, 11:33 PM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
971 posts, read 1,133,347 times
Reputation: 939
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timing2012 View Post
I haven't been in touch with him in years since I moved away for graduate school. We just drifted apart, but I always thought that I will reconnect with him again. And, that we will be in our 60s or 70s, sitting in the front porch or backyard and talk about life. That will never happen now.

I can't believe he is gone. He was one of my very few childhood/old friends whom I considered as true friend. We were both mature as kids and I can tell that we will both become more mature and wise as we get older and our friendship, when we reconnect, will be deeper. I am saddened.

I don't know why I am posting this.... can someone post something to make me feel better....something insightful into all this?
Not sure if I can be helpful but here goes nothing.

Sorry to hear about your friend, my condolences. The same thing happened to me and after the usual levels of grieving, it wound up to be a wake up call for me. I started hunting and finding old friends and making calls and email contacts with friends all over the USA and overseas. We chat in emails and get caught up with our lives. My wife passed 5 years ago and I live alone most of the time so the old friends and some of the new onea I have acquired along my retirement keeps me going forward. Sometimes a friend mentions an old friend they would like to make contact with and I help them look for them. Yesterday I found a high school annual online and found my friends photo and his mentioned friends photo which I emailed to him.

I made contact with my babysitter when I was 5 years old and she is 5 years older than me and is widowed, lives about 50 miles away so I call her every couple of weeks.

I have also iniated something that isn't "mocho" but before I hang up the phone, I now say, I love you buddy, or brother or friend in case it is the last I am able to tell them. Works for me anyway. Try it, you may like it as well. You might be surprised how many will respond with the same reply.

Hope there is something in there that is helpful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2013, 11:41 PM
 
1,288 posts, read 2,299,713 times
Reputation: 760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluff_Dweller View Post

Hope there is something in there that is helpful.
We are young. Right now, I can't think of any friends I have left that's like him. I don't want to make this all about me, but, what I am trying to say is that he is different. I can have deep conversations with him. He was so young!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2013, 08:17 AM
 
1,288 posts, read 2,299,713 times
Reputation: 760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluff_Dweller View Post
I started hunting and finding old friends and making calls and email contacts with friends all over the USA and overseas. We chat in emails and get caught up with our lives.
What if you don't have friends left who are like the one who has passed?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2013, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
971 posts, read 1,133,347 times
Reputation: 939
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timing2012 View Post
What if you don't have friends left who are like the one who has passed?
Since I am almost 80 I have probably had more expierences than you which boils down to meeting more peoplE than you. My best friend went through 12 years of school together, ride horses in the summers together, shared our innermost secrets together. We drifted apart for 40 years and met at a funeral which renewed our friendship for another 5 years. He had gone through a divorce and changed cities. My wife of 53 1/2 years died and I wasn't social for a few years. By the time I seeemed to get straightened out so I could visit with people again, he slipped on some ice and killed himself hitting his head on the curbing at his mailbox.

If you don't have friends left, seems to me that it is time to develop some new ones. I have picked up two new friends on CD and hope to find some others. I will probably never meet my new friends but will eventially introduce them to the memory of my oldest friend.........or not.

In the meantime just keep searching, friendships are out there. JMO
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2013, 05:10 PM
 
1,288 posts, read 2,299,713 times
Reputation: 760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluff_Dweller View Post

In the meantime just keep searching, friendships are out there. JMO
Friends that you made after age 27 are not the same as friends that you made at age 16. There is a special connection that you have with childhood friends that you just don't have with friends you made when you're a full grown adult.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2013, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,024 times
Reputation: 699
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timing2012 View Post
What if you don't have friends left who are like the one who has passed?
Timing, I am sorry for the loss of your close friend. It is probably a once in a lifetime friendship and no other can ever replace it.

But I think what Bluff Dweller is trying to tell you is that the future is ahead of you....life is ahead of you....you can live it or dwell in the past. No one is asking you to forget your childhood friend. You may never meet anyone else like him, but you never know. Never say never. You can take from that friendship, make yourself a better, kinder person, and hope to find some of those qualities in a friend in the future.

You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You have people out there to meet, some will touch your life, other will not affect it. I would say your friend made you a better person, just by knowing him. You can be that same kind of person to someone else. You never know what influence you will have in the life of another until you try to give of yourself.

Speaking of losing a friend like no other, I have lost both of my parents and now lost my soulmate and best friend, my husband of 32 years, on 4-1-12. I absolutely "have no friends left like the one who has passed." My heart aches and probably always will. I can choose to dwell on my loss and be miserable, or I can choose to move forward, one step at a time, and get on with my life, difficult as it may be. I can tell you that it has gotten easier as time has gone on, but there will never be another day in my life that I won't remember what a loving, giving, wonderful man he was who loved me with all his heart. I will always have that and no one can take that away from me. I am a better person for having been with him for over 32 years.

I hope that through your grief you can find the courage to move forward, cherish your memories, and let them make you a stronger person. It may not seem like that now, but hopefully in time you too will be a better person for having known him.

tngirl
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2013, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,673 posts, read 2,481,389 times
Reputation: 4733
I lost my childhood best friend when I was 19. I do understand. I not only lost my friend but I knew I had lost the one person to reminisce with about some of my happiest memories of growing up. Without her, I knew some of those memories would eventually fade away. No new adult friendship could replace that loss.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2013, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
971 posts, read 1,133,347 times
Reputation: 939
Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
Timing, I am sorry for the loss of your close friend. It is probably a once in a lifetime friendship and no other can ever replace it.

But I think what Bluff Dweller is trying to tell you is that the future is ahead of you....life is ahead of you....you can live it or dwell in the past. No one is asking you to forget your childhood friend. You may never meet anyone else like him, but you never know. Never say never. You can take from that friendship, make yourself a better, kinder person, and hope to find some of those qualities in a friend in the future.

You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You have people out there to meet, some will touch your life, other will not affect it. I would say your friend made you a better person, just by knowing him. You can be that same kind of person to someone else. You never know what influence you will have in the life of another until you try to give of yourself.

Speaking of losing a friend like no other, I have lost both of my parents and now lost my soulmate and best friend, my husband of 32 years, on 4-1-12. I absolutely "have no friends left like the one who has passed." My heart aches and probably always will. I can choose to dwell on my loss and be miserable, or I can choose to move forward, one step at a time, and get on with my life, difficult as it may be. I can tell you that it has gotten easier as time has gone on, but there will never be another day in my life that I won't remember what a loving, giving, wonderful man he was who loved me with all his heart. I will always have that and no one can take that away from me. I am a better person for having been with him for over 32 years.

I hope that through your grief you can find the courage to move forward, cherish your memories, and let them make you a stronger person. It may not seem like that now, but hopefully in time you too will be a better person for having known him.

tngirl
Very well put tngirl, a lot better than I could have said it. Thank you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2013, 09:05 PM
 
1,364 posts, read 419,763 times
Reputation: 2686
I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. You will never forget him. The pain does take time; it will ease a bit. It varies with each person. As you are able to, try to find time to get out and about, especially participating in some activity where you will see the same people regularly, and have a chance to chat in person and get to know them. The repetition helps bond people together. In my neighborhood, three people walk their dogs together every day, at the same time. Sunday school classes are good if it is a class that allows for some discussion, or maybe a card game, maybe volunteering at the local hospital. We have a guy at the local grocery store who lost his wife to breast cancer and who does day trading of stocks for a living, but he loves coming to work as a cashier 20 hrs a week because he sees the same customers all the time and gets to talk. And please, please, please --- write a hand written note to his mom, dad, brothers and sisters. It will mean so much to them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top