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Old 03-03-2013, 06:28 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,178 posts, read 7,799,309 times
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Mom is still kicking at 89 yrs of age. Dad died in 1996 at 83. He was born in 1913. Mom in 1923. She will 90 this coming October. I don't recall dreaming about him but I think about him daily. I have the flag that was presented to my Mom because Dad was a WWII veteran. She insisted it should be given to me. Maybe because I am a veteran also of the Vietnam era. He was at the battle of the Bulge and other heavy combat areas. I have the aluminum jon boat he bought back in the 1970's sitting in the driveway, the flag in a wood and glass case sitting on the fireplace mantle that also has a picture of him in his uniform. So everyday I see something to remind me of him. One that reminds me he was a hero to me for his service and the other to remind me af all the hours we spent in that boat over the years. And then there are the memories of how hard he worked to support Mom, my sister, our home, and me and the good man that he was and how he taught us to be responsible and productive citizens. And sometimes I feel like he is still watching just to make sure I don't screw up. One of his favorite sayings was "no matter how bad things get, you never give up trying to make them better." Now I'm 66 yrs old. Married to the same woman for over 30 yrs and raised six kids, worked the same job for 30 yrs and am retired. There has been some rough times. But Dad's old saying helped me get through those rough times. I owe him for the way me life has turned out because of what he taught me and what he expected me to be as a person.
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
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Thank you all for your kind words. I guess that was a blessing, but it was a real shock when it happened. I think about her and miss her every day.
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:14 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,433 posts, read 18,150,188 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
Thank you all for your kind words. I guess that was a blessing, but it was a real shock when it happened. I think about her and miss her every day.
Isn't it "amazing" that even when you know someone is going to die, it still "shocks" to the core? I wonder why that happens? Are we ALL in denial when a loved one is dying or is it just "natural"? Earl was a "living skeleton" so it was so obvious to me but still I was totally "floored" when the time came. Why? Do we all hold out hope for a miracle? Or is it the finality of it all?
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:31 AM
Status: "I had a handle on life, but it broke" (set 11 days ago)
 
1,322 posts, read 2,054,853 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Isn't it "amazing" that even when you know someone is going to die, it still "shocks" to the core? I wonder why that happens? Are we ALL in denial when a loved one is dying or is it just "natural"? Earl was a "living skeleton" so it was so obvious to me but still I was totally "floored" when the time came. Why? Do we all hold out hope for a miracle? Or is it the finality of it all?
I think it's the finality. You hope for another touch, another kiss, another chance to say how much you love them. Then the hope is gone and you are filled with an emptiness. I wasn't shocked, but did feel as if I was hit in my gut with a sledgehammer when my dad passed away at age 49.
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:37 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,433 posts, read 18,150,188 times
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Originally Posted by JustPassinThru View Post
I think it's the finality. You hope for another touch, another kiss, another chance to say how much you love them. Then the hope is gone and you are filled with an emptiness. I wasn't shocked, but did feel as if I was hit in my gut with a sledgehammer when my dad passed away at age 49.
49? So young! I am so sorry to hear that, JustPassin. He must have been a kid when they had you. You must have been pretty darned young at that time too. (((hugs)))

Yes, I think you are right about it being the finality of things. One more everything and no chance of doing so.
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Old 03-04-2013, 12:39 PM
 
223 posts, read 160,460 times
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Never.

Not ever.

We weren't particularly close, but we weren't NOT close either, if you know what I mean He was your typical work 24/7 type and rarely home, if he wasn't at work he was at the pub because he was a big drinker but they almost all were back then.

I never dream about him.

My female parent is still alive and I never dream about her either, unless it's a nightmare. We don't get on.

If you've just lost your parent and are grieving, remember this - at least you had them and their love in the first place. Some of us were barely parented at all and pretty much feel the same level of grief that you would when your favorite guinea pig dies.
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Old 03-04-2013, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Colorado
18,717 posts, read 4,703,728 times
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My father died in 73, I was 26, he was only 53. I am 66 now and still occasionally dream of him. Usually I tell him I
thought he was dead and he always says he was very sick but he's okay now. In the dream I accept that without
any further explanation... Yes, I miss him ....he was a good man
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Old 03-07-2013, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Kansas City North
3,625 posts, read 6,759,161 times
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My mom died very suddenly in 1975 when she was 53 and I was 20. I used to dream about her frequently, and while dreaming I was so happy because she was alive again. I rarely dream of her now, but I don't have that sensation (during the dream) of her still being alive.

After my mother died my father remarried and our relationship became very strained due to my cruel, overbearing step mother. He died in 1990 and I can't remember EVER having a dream about him.

What I do find somewhat odd is I frequently have dreams about the mother of a guy I had a pretty serious relationship with in the early 1980s. We broke up in 1985 and I have never seen him (or his mother) since. I got married in 1987 and I don't believe I've ever dreamed of my mother in law, even though we have a loving relationship.

Dreams are very, very strange. But y'all know that.......
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Old 03-17-2013, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,411 posts, read 15,939,671 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamonds&pearls View Post
Never.

Not ever.

We weren't particularly close, but we weren't NOT close either, if you know what I mean He was your typical work 24/7 type and rarely home, if he wasn't at work he was at the pub because he was a big drinker but they almost all were back then.

I never dream about him.

My female parent is still alive and I never dream about her either, unless it's a nightmare. We don't get on.

If you've just lost your parent and are grieving, remember this - at least you had them and their love in the first place. Some of us were barely parented at all and pretty much feel the same level of grief that you would when your favorite guinea pig dies.
Ha-ha. Even less, maybe. Most animals at least recognize you.

I guess the experience with your sad parenting made you stronger and more independent.

These threads are usually for people who had love in their childhood/lives. Many do not and probably see these things and wonder a lot.

I had a love/hate thing going on with my parents. Maybe most of us do. When they passed I did not go into a phase in which I thought only good things about them, and made them into sort of saints. I remember the good and the bad. I miss the good and am glad to be rid of the bad.

Most of whatever mourning I went through, I see as self pity - that I was alone somehow.

I do think that they are still existing, though, and that many of the causes of friction have disappeared.

I think your reaction is logical, from what you imply you've gone through. I also think we all do better with love in our lives, even if it's from a small animal. I hope you now have this. Sometimes dysfunctional parents pass this on to the kids.
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Old 03-28-2013, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,577 posts, read 4,782,672 times
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When my parents died I dreamed ABOUT them. Now many years later they just make cameo appearances in my dreams. Probably weekly.
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