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Old 01-21-2013, 03:57 PM
 
Location: California
4,402 posts, read 11,170,582 times
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Apologies if this is in the wrong place...I was REALLY not sure where it should be....

Here is the situation. And it is a little weird, and I am not asking for judgment on this one (I am not even sure how I feel about it personally but that is neither here nor there), merely advice as I am not sure what is appropriate.

A good friend of mine recently passed away. I am close friends with his wife (now widow) and I am close friends with his girlfriend (not sure what this makes her now). They know about one another and it is a part of the lifestyle they have chosen to live, of which I am not going to judge nor am I looking for that from responses. I have also known abotu this lifestyle and frankly, I do not care as long as they were happy. But now I have a quandry...

What I want to know is this...I know it is appropriate to send a card to his wife, and I am planning to do so. I also feel that, as it was an accepted part of their lifestyle that he also was involved with another woman, that it is appropriate that I also send her a card. They were all involved (I am not sure to what extend as frankly I never asked) for the past 20 years. And I am genuinely sorry for the loss that both of them are feeling.

So, I think that acknowledging the loss to the wife and also the girlfriend is appropriate, albeit slightly odd (and I am really going to test the whole "there's a card for that theory").

Thoughts?

Last edited by thebunny; 01-21-2013 at 04:06 PM..
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Old 01-21-2013, 04:10 PM
 
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I personally think you need to do what you feel is right. I don't have experience with anything like that so I don't know what I would do. If you know the 'girlfriend' and you feel it would help her to know that you care how she is doing then send it.
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Old 01-21-2013, 04:20 PM
 
Location: California
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That's the way I am leaning. I was friends with them for a few years before I had a CLUE that anything was going on. And, well, what do I care, really? But it makes thinks like this a little odd. To say the least.
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Old 01-21-2013, 04:33 PM
Status: "Cats know. Cats always know." (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Pennsylvania
15,587 posts, read 9,608,961 times
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I'd send cards to both. As you said, they both will suffer the loss.


But (just in case) not the same card.
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Old 01-21-2013, 04:35 PM
 
Location: California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
I'd send cards to both. As you said, they both will suffer the loss.


But (just in case) not the same card.
I wouldn't have as I know both of them and they have very different taste, except apparently in men, but this one made me laugh. Thanks.
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Old 01-21-2013, 07:36 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,314,414 times
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Yes, I agree with others . . . I would send them both a card, or fruit basket or something . . . They are both going thru/ a tough time. You are friends with both of them so to choose one over the other as being the one who is "legitimately allowed to grieve" would seem judgmental (to me).

You are a very kind person to want to show your concern.
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Old 01-21-2013, 11:08 PM
 
Location: California
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Thanks. I just wanted to make sure it didn't seem weird...and it is not like I can ask them.
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Old 01-22-2013, 12:57 AM
 
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I also agree, send them both your condolences and sympathy in any method seems right to you.
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:43 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
7,626 posts, read 13,998,032 times
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While I must admit the situation is a little strange (your being friends with BOTH of them that is!), I would treat EACH as a separate entity. Would you send each a card or your condolences if their sibliing/parent/partner passed??? Then do so without thought of the other in this case, as both have suffered a loss.

Strange world in which we live, but I too know of folks "unwilling to divorce" who live separate lives...just they don't have the same circle of friends....
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:53 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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I would send a card to both of the women also since they knowingly lived that lifestyle.
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