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Old 02-17-2013, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514

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Marcy...I'm glad you met a new friend at the "happy hour." Hope it works out and the two of you can get together on a regular basis...So we were both only children...My Dad stuck around for a few years after my Mom died. I know he missed Mom like crazy. So I didn't blame him when he finally decided to "go." He went into a coma... I decided to have a talk with him even though he was in the coma. I gave him my "blessings" to leave and join Mom. Of course I said I'd miss him but I didn't want to stand in his way or hold him back...He died peacefully about an hour later...It's weird (and hard) for me to still "be here" when my husband and both my sons and parents and my entire family is on the "other side" now. But I guess there must be a reason for me to still "be here." So I keep "going." I know this is how my Dad felt too.
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Old 02-17-2013, 06:39 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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tngirl...Glad you have your 2 friends...Sometimes I feel like I'm in some weird vortex where no one really understands me. (Not completely anyway.)...I sure miss the familiarity and culture I shared with my husband and son...They "got me" and understood me really well. (And vica-versa.)...These days I end-up explaining myself at times.. I had to do this with my friend's husband the other day. Guess he expects me to be just like his wife or ?...He's a "Joe Friday" kind of guy who just wants the "facts" with few words...My husband and son went into a little more "depth" and I got used to interacting with them...Do you ever run into culture-clashes or weird situations where you feel like you have to explain yourself?
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Old 02-17-2013, 06:49 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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tamiznluv...I'm glad you're doing so well and feel comfy in your other house...I don't want to completely change myself. But I feel like I need to develop more goals and dreams of my very own. (When I feel "up" to it.) Right now I'm still doing "day by day" most of the time.
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Old 02-17-2013, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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I definitely feel like my husband and both my sons and my parents all "live on" inside of me and this brings me comfort. And helps me feel a little less "alone."..Yet I know that I have to face reality and accept that I am on my "own" now. My family isn't going to come back down to earth to be with me again...But I know they will always be with me "in-spirit." (The best they can!)...I feel like I have to embark on a new life for myself when I feel ready to venture out into the world a little more on my "own.".. Getting married again doesn't have to be one of my goals...But I do need some goals and dreams to have a sense of meaning and purpose in my life. (Beyond just surviving and living "day by day" in "limbo.")...Sometimes I feel like I'm a teenager again and I'm suppose to figure out who I want to be when I grow-up...Does anyone else feel like this? Thanks for listening to me ramble!
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Old 02-17-2013, 01:59 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,150,188 times
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As a member of the "only child" club, I too am used to "amusing myself". Never liked it very much but now it's a neccessity. Maybe that's why I seem to like having friends in cyberspace. It's a lot easier than having friends IRL. I can "talk" anytime I wish or need to. I have gf right across the street here too but we mainly talk via computer. She's busy with a sick hubby, looking for work and always has tons of people over there so I just connect on FB. My other neighbors bowl on Wednesday nights and it's a mixed league. If they need a new female partner next season, I'll join them. Haven't bowled in almost 15 years but I'll try! This is where I learned to bowl ten-pin. My 2nd "ex" was from here. I only knew candlepin. Have that to look forward to. Whwn I get settled and the friggin' snow goes away, I'll look for a part time job to occupy some hours.
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Old 02-17-2013, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
971 posts, read 1,133,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
As a member of the "only child" club, I too am used to "amusing myself". Never liked it very much but now it's a neccessity. Maybe that's why I seem to like having friends in cyberspace. It's a lot easier than having friends IRL. I can "talk" anytime I wish or need to. I have gf right across the street here too but we mainly talk via computer. She's busy with a sick hubby, looking for work and always has tons of people over there so I just connect on FB. My other neighbors bowl on Wednesday nights and it's a mixed league. If they need a new female partner next season, I'll join them. Haven't bowled in almost 15 years but I'll try! This is where I learned to bowl ten-pin. My 2nd "ex" was from here. I only knew candlepin. Have that to look forward to. Whwn I get settled and the friggin' snow goes away, I'll look for a part time job to occupy some hours.
I was an only child for my first 9 years and 3 weeks when my twin brothers were born. Thats when I started reinventing myself as a caregiver. Over a hundrerd dipers every couple of weeks and they weren't throw-aways. Washed and hung on a line to often freeze dry. I never wish to have that expierence again.

Snow ... I shoveled lots of it in our rural area. Drove a school bus in it for 28 years. They weren't designed for that type of work. Fortunately most of the roads were dirt and gravel so with a bit of wheels spinning, you could back up and the dirt would help you get a start. Now if the good Lord puts the snow on my property, the good Lord can remove it as I can just sit here until it melts. No HOA's or other officials to hassle me. LOL I do recall the 13 1/2 years of chemo treatments 45 miles away and one time it took 9 hours to get home from a 1 p.m. appointment. That was a fast and heavy snow fall.

Looking back, life seems to be a series of "reinventing ones self." IMHO
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Old 02-17-2013, 11:52 PM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,740,923 times
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I remember many days as a child when the weather was bad and kids couldn't play outside. I always envied the kids who had siblings as I felt they had built-in playmates. I spent a lot of time in my room, playing with my dolls, reading, coloring when other kids couldn't play. Otherwise, our neighborhood was full of kids who'd play outside from sunup to sundown summers and weekends.

When I went to college, it was a shock to share a dorm room. I wasn't used to sharing anything. Bob had (has) an older sister, so most of his childhood was like being an only~~she was 7 years older, so they had nothing in common. For that reason, we really understood our need to have alone time occasionally. I think that's why I'm doing okay here, alone, because I grew up that way, and I don't mind living alone. I'm able to keep busy (too busy sometimes) with part-time work from home, committees, and hobbies.

Speaking of goals, one of the things I've loved doing is sewing dresses, skirts and tops for my granddaughters, but they're at the age where it's actually easier and cheaper to buy them store bought clothes. When they were ages newborn to about six or seven, making fancy, frilly dresses for them was so much fun. I've honestly been thinking of sewing pot holders, oven mitts and placemats to sell at crafts fairs. That's a goal...to buy pretty, southwest themed fabrics and start sewing things to sell this Spring and Fall. Another goal is to get my butt in gear and start using the fitness center in my complex. I pay enough in monthly HOA dues to cover it and the pool, I should start using them.

Coming from 40 years living in a big house out in the middle of nowhere and being a hermit, to living in a condo in a city and becoming social is certainly reinventing myself. Bob wouldn't recognize the semi-social, fairly active person I've become...
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Old 02-18-2013, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
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I put most of my "eggs" in one "basket" when my husband was alive. (Same goes for my son too.)...But I'm not sorry! I enjoyed the closeness we had together...Some of my girlfriends seem closer to their friends or sisters than they are with their husbands...They have a full and active life and a support network outside their relationship with their husbands...I didn't want my husband to be a "fixture" in my life and someone to say "hi" and "bye" to when I went off to do "my thing" with friends...But this definitely puts me at a disadvantage today since my husband and son are "gone."...I don't really want to turn into a "social butterfly" at this late date and it doesn't seem to be my nature...I'm searching for some type of balance that fits who I am...My husband never tried to hold me back and he was always happy when I wanted to spend time with friends...But the truth is that I just enjoyed his company and being with him most of all...It was all my choice!.. It sounds like I'm not the only one here who had this type of bond and closeness with my husband.
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Old 02-18-2013, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Bluff-Dweller..I had to "reinvent" myself quite a few times in my past too. I think we all go through different chapters and phases during our lifetimes...I just didn't expect my husband to die so young. And I never expected to lose both of my sons...Life threw me some pretty big "curve balls" and challenges this time around...I guess this is why they use the term "survival of the fittest." Sometimes it takes a lot of strength and fortitude to recover after "major falls" and nearly total "devastation." Don't you think?...Oh well! I guess we just have to accept the cards that were "dealt" to us (at some point) and try to make the "best" of things. Right? What else can we do?
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Old 02-18-2013, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
971 posts, read 1,133,872 times
Reputation: 939
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Bluff-Dweller..I had to "reinvent" myself quite a few times in my past too. I think we all go through different chapters and phases during our lifetimes...I just didn't expect my husband to die so young. And I never expected to lose both of my sons...Life threw me some pretty big "curve balls" and challenges this time around...I guess this is why they use the term "survival of the fittest." Sometimes it takes a lot of strength and fortitude to recover after "major falls" and nearly total "devastation." Don't you think?...Oh well! I guess we just have to accept the cards that were "dealt" to us (at some point) and try to make the "best" of things. Right? What else can we do?
I certainly agree with all your comments CA. Life is all about choices and I like the choices you are making. I have found that your positive attitude goes a long way in the healing processes.

A year or so after I past 75 years, I convenced myself that I was going to try to enjoy life a little more and not worry so much toward the future. So far it is working. I am doing what I want to do when I want to do it and not so many things just because they need doing. If that makes any kind of sense. Still reinventing.

Keep up the good work CA, we will all survive together.

Bluff
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