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Old 02-17-2013, 09:02 AM
 
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I was wondering how various people handle family events while they are in mourning. I know many people do not go out and party after a close relative has died. But some family events one needs to attend. So how do people decide and if they don't go to certain events how long to they observe a period of mourning especially if they aren't particularly religious in any faith?
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Old 02-17-2013, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chava61 View Post
I was wondering how various people handle family events while they are in mourning. I know many people do not go out and party after a close relative has died. But some family events one needs to attend. So how do people decide and if they don't go to certain events how long to they observe a period of mourning especially if they aren't particularly religious in any faith?
I believe the mourning events and period depends on the beliefs of the deceased. Wheather or not if the family chooses to abide by the wishes of the deceased determines what type of funeral is chosen.

In my wifes case, she told us to have a celebration of her life wirh us and all friends and relatives met at our house after the memorial at her church and discussed past, present and possibly future events. In 5 years hindsight it has brought the family closer together, the cousins, brothers and sisters communicate more often. I feel certain if the economy were better we would all visit more often as well. JMO
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Old 02-18-2013, 04:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Bluff_Dweller View Post
I believe the mourning events and period depends on the beliefs of the deceased. Wheather or not if the family chooses to abide by the wishes of the deceased determines what type of funeral is chosen.

In my wifes case, she told us to have a celebration of her life wirh us and all friends and relatives met at our house after the memorial at her church and discussed past, present and possibly future events. In 5 years hindsight it has brought the family closer together, the cousins, brothers and sisters communicate more often. I feel certain if the economy were better we would all visit more often as well. JMO
From what I know the fashion of mourning depends on the beliefs of the mourners and not on the beliefs of the deceased. The style of the funeral depends on the wishes of the deceased which includes the way they want to be remembered.

My question was pertaining to celebrating family events while one is mourning the lost of an immediate family member.
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Old 02-18-2013, 06:48 PM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
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Originally Posted by Chava61 View Post
From what I know the fashion of mourning depends on the beliefs of the mourners and not on the beliefs of the deceased. The style of the funeral depends on the wishes of the deceased which includes the way they want to be remembered.

My question was pertaining to celebrating family events while one is mourning the lost of an immediate family member.
The situation may be different for each individual family. IMO

In my case, my three kids had visited their mom during Christmas while she was in hospice care and the kids followed hospices instructions on saying goodbye to their mom. A month later their mom passed. I asked the two daughters to be in charge with the arrangements as I was exhausted by that time and I feel the girls did an admirable job arranging the event between two snow storms in January.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.
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Old 02-18-2013, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chava61 View Post
I was wondering how various people handle family events while they are in mourning. I know many people do not go out and party after a close relative has died. But some family events one needs to attend. So how do people decide and if they don't go to certain events how long to they observe a period of mourning especially if they aren't particularly religious in any faith?


I went to a widow/widowers wedding a few months after I lost my husband. It was a very sweet wedding but was way to soon for me to go.

Now I'm faced with going to my niece's wedding on my late husband's side of the family. It will be close to the 3rd anniversary of his death. I haven't traveled alone since becoming a widow but my sister-in-law says she won't forgive me if I don't come. The venue is a 4 hr drive from me with no air conditioning in Texas summer. For about an hour of the trip I will have spotty cell service. I feel so left out when I'm with other couples and really dread going.
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Old 02-19-2013, 09:13 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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Originally Posted by desertrose09 View Post
I went to a widow/widowers wedding a few months after I lost my husband. It was a very sweet wedding but was way to soon for me to go.

Now I'm faced with going to my niece's wedding on my late husband's side of the family. It will be close to the 3rd anniversary of his death. I haven't traveled alone since becoming a widow but my sister-in-law says she won't forgive me if I don't come. The venue is a 4 hr drive from me with no air conditioning in Texas summer. For about an hour of the trip I will have spotty cell service. I feel so left out when I'm with other couples and really dread going.
That's very uncaring/thinking of your sil, desert, IMO. I'd really think about standing up for myself and say you would like to be there for your neice but the travel is just too difficult for you. Especially across Texas in the summer with no a/c! I would never drive 4 hours in that heat down there without a/c. Don't let your sil bully you into going. Do what YOU want or not want to do.
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Old 02-19-2013, 02:39 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
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OP, everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. No one else can say whether it's too soon at 1 month or 5 years; only you can. There's the type of event, location, distance, and attendees all to consider. Do what is best for you.

DesertRose, your SIL is quite inconsiderate in phrasing it that way; although I wouldn't rule out her bad attempt at trying to get you out of the house and "back into the swing of things". As I said to the OP, do what is best for you. If you want to go, put it back on the sister in law by letting her know that you would go but for the travel, ac, and cell reception. Tell her if she has someone drive or accompany you, it would be doable (again, IF you want to go).
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Old 02-19-2013, 02:43 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,105 posts, read 17,646,574 times
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Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
That's very uncaring/thinking of your sil, desert, IMO. I'd really think about standing up for myself and say you would like to be there for your neice but the travel is just too difficult for you. Especially across Texas in the summer with no a/c! I would never drive 4 hours in that heat down there without a/c. Don't let your sil bully you into going. Do what YOU want or not want to do.
Hi there tami I just told her to tell her sil to come get her and let her know that she is not comfortable driving that far by herself so if the sil is all that concerned she will send her a plane ticket and pick her up at the airport ... if not then sil was not too worried about her attending .
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Old 02-19-2013, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Texas
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Thanks Tami and Phonelady for supporting me.
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Old 02-20-2013, 12:41 PM
 
30,325 posts, read 31,201,438 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by desertrose09 View Post
I went to a widow/widowers wedding a few months after I lost my husband. It was a very sweet wedding but was way to soon for me to go.

Now I'm faced with going to my niece's wedding on my late husband's side of the family. It will be close to the 3rd anniversary of his death. I haven't traveled alone since becoming a widow but my sister-in-law says she won't forgive me if I don't come. The venue is a 4 hr drive from me with no air conditioning in Texas summer. For about an hour of the trip I will have spotty cell service. I feel so left out when I'm with other couples and really dread going.
I too think that you need to decide what is best for you. Traveling alone in uncomfortable conditions and then sitting in an uncomfortable social situation could be upsetting even when is one isn't still mourning a lost.
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