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I think it's normal and natural to "feel sorry" for ourselves when we're working through grief. Don't you?...It's not easy to come to terms with major losses in our life...And I think it's okay to cry for ourselves. Or get mad at times for being "left behind" etc..I try to avoid getting heavily bogged-down in chronic self-pity because I don't want to become a total "downer." (With myself or others.)...My Grandma let herself "drown" in self-pity at the end of her life and she was angry all the time and full of blame and even bitter..It was hard to go and visit her because she was always so "mad."...I've noticed that self-pity can involve a lot of self-centeredness. And this is why I try to "get out" of myself and place my attention elsewhere when I start to "drown" in self-pity. I don't want to walk around "mad at the whole world" like my Grandma used to do...Anyway what are some of your thoughts regarding self-pity? Thanks.
I think it's normal and natural to "feel sorry" for ourselves when we're working through grief. Don't you?...It's not easy to come to terms with major losses in our life...And I think it's okay to cry for ourselves. Or get mad at times for being "left behind" etc..I try to avoid getting heavily bogged-down in chronic self-pity because I don't want to become a total "downer." (With myself or others.)...My Grandma let herself "drown" in self-pity at the end of her life and she was angry all the time and full of blame and even bitter..It was hard to go and visit her because she was always so "mad."...I've noticed that self-pity can involve a lot of self-centeredness. And this is why I try to "get out" of myself and place my attention elsewhere when I start to "drown" in self-pity. I don't want to walk around "mad at the whole world" like my Grandma used to do...Anyway what are some of your thoughts regarding self-pity? Thanks.
CA, I can relate to self-pity. When I was Jim's caregiver and did it all, I felt sorry for myself that I could not "have a life of my own." I wanted to get out and go like everyone else. But my job was to take care of Jim and I did that out of love and devotion. I didn't care how long it took, I was going to be there for him every second I could. He was so grateful and appreciative. He told me that all the time.
Now that he is gone, I do feel sorry for myself that I am all alone. I feel sorry for myself that I have can now "go and do," but have no one to do it with. But then! I look at what I have, who I am. I am so blessed!! I have a home, a car, a job, a church family, great neighbors, a few close friends, life experiences that makes me who I am today....and then the self-pity slowly turns around. I try to be thankful for all that I have, especially when those negative thoughts start creeping in. It's not easy, but I try.
And when I feel all alone, I come here to be with all of you. You understand how I am feeling, just like you do CA. I get how you are feeling. Common ground makes the self-pity and loneliness ease up and I just feel, well, sort of normal. I once again realize that I am not alone in this grieving process and there are those of you who truly understand.
It is, for sure, a difficult position to be in, and you, my dear CA, have had more loss in your life than any of us. You have every right to have thoughts of self-pity and loss. But we do have choices to make in our lives, and I hope you can choose, someday, to look at what blessings you have and try to move forward with your life, one baby step at a time. To start with, you have all of us!!!! And look at how you have helped all of us, especially smilin. Your love and compassion, caring and understanding has brought out the best in all of us. That is a gift, even though you may not realize it. I think a big step in healing is being able to help others, and that is what my goal is. I have been helped here so much that I want to "pay it forward" whenever I can.
I don't know if all my rambling has answered your question or not, but those were just some of my random thoughts. Glad we are here for each other!!
tngirl..Thanks for your beautiful and inspiring post..I think we all help each other here..And you definitely do more than your share of "helping" and caring and being supportive! Thanks!...Maybe we get into trouble (at times) when we forget to "take care" of ourselves properly...What do you think? I seem more prone to self-pity and "burn-out" (and even resentment) when I put myself way on the "back-burner" and ignore my own basic needs and "care." (Like getting enough sleep...Fixing enticing meals for myself...Finding ways to spoil myself and have fun..Or just getting out of my grief and doldrums once in awhile!)...When I start to feel "neglected" I start to "feel sorry" for myself. But since I'm the only one here now(except for the cats) the burden of my "welfare" falls on me...And I can treat myself like "crud" or I can treat myself with love and "care" even though I'm alone now...How do you feel about it? Thanks for your great post and response!
CA .... That one I have never expierenced. When something bad happened, my wife would always remind me that "The good Lord never gives us anymore than we can handle", so I always regarded a bad expierence as a new challange. So far I have had many challanges and have overcome any self pity. IMO
I believe in what your wife said, Bluff. It's just so hard to deal with when they happen though. GOD may know you can handle things but you don't at the time!
Bluff...Thanks for sharing. I've had to "buckle-down" and take-on many new challenges over the past few years. And in the end I always "gain." (I gain new skills and more confidence in myself etc.)...But sometimes I'm flooded with fears and emotions and insecurities that I have to face (and work-through) before I can "spring to action."...I have to "pump" myself "up" in other words. (One way or another.)...Thank goodness I don't have to deal with my emotions everytime I face something "new." But there's no telling...Sometimes it feels like resistance or reluctance...Or just a "general tiredness" at having to take care of everything by myself all the time. (When I got used to sharing my life with my husband and son.)...I'm trying to teach my cats how to say "thank you" when I come home from a rough day and attend to their needs and feed them first before I cook dinner for myself...I miss hearing "thank you" and having "help" and support. But oh well...This is my "new life" and I'm trying to cope and meet all the challenges the best I can!..It helps when my sense of humor kicks-in and "saves the day." Or having the desire to "be happy" no matter what!
Bluff...Thanks for sharing. I've had to "buckle-down" and take-on many new challenges over the past few years. And in the end I always "gain." (I gain new skills and more confidence in myself etc.)...But sometimes I'm flooded with fears and emotions and insecurities that I have to face (and work-through) before I can "spring to action."...I have to "pump" myself "up" in other words. (One way or another.)...Thank goodness I don't have to deal with my emotions everytime I face something "new." But there's no telling...Sometimes it feels like resistance or reluctance...Or just a "general tiredness" at having to take care of everything by myself all the time. (When I got used to sharing my life with my husband and son.)...I'm trying to teach my cats how to say "thank you" when I come home from a rough day and attend to their needs and feed them first before I cook dinner for myself...I miss hearing "thank you" and having "help" and support. But oh well...This is my "new life" and I'm trying to cope and meet all the challenges the best I can!..It helps when my sense of humor kicks-in and "saves the day." Or having the desire to "be happy" no matter what!
Yes CA, we both work the same way it seems. Only we have different names for what we do. You pump up your self while I think about the challange for awhile. I am not good with snap decisions for some reason. But we both accompolish our tasks while ending up feeling stronger about the expierence. Isn't that what life is all about in the longhaul? IMO
Tami, I seem to have known that I could handle anything that comes along. It just takes me more time to determine the smartest and least expensive way to accompolish the task. The old saying, "all bad things come in threes". I have determined while that may be correct, I have found that sometimes the bad things happen in a series of threes. After a couple of series of threes and you start on the third series, the bad things almost becomes laughable or comical. You begin to say, "Lord what next". IMHO
....The old saying, "all bad things come in threes". I have determined while that may be correct, I have found that sometimes the bad things happen in a series of threes. After a couple of series of threes and you start on the third series, the bad things almost becomes laughable or comical. You begin to say, "Lord what next". IMHO.....
Your comment brought a smile of recognition this a.m.
For about eight years I volunteered as a companion/go-fer/confidante to a series of terminally ill people, and then I got involved in very heavy personal care-partnering for two people in a row which took over virtually all of my non 9 to 5 time for two years....and then I had a serious accident, and then...well, I just got a whole series of the gifts of aging.
I reached the point of feeling, "Sheesh.....gimme a break." And then one day I came across a comment by the American writer Dorothy Parker, and it was so funny - and so true, that I burst out laughing. Now it comes to mind often, and I always smile (in spite of myself.)
She said: "Life isn't one damned thing after another, it's just one damned thing."
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