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My wife died three days ago. I have had her cremated according to her wishes and mine. I have made provision for small memory urns for her two daughters and first grandchild, a grown woman now with a child of her own whom we significantly raised after we married.
My wife's family and members of mine have wanted to come spend some time with me because they're worried about me. I have asked them to leave me in peace for now. We have been living in the Missouri Ozarks which we both love. All of our family are in California, from whence we came, and Ohio.
I will retain the rest of her ashes and will also be cremated. When my time comes our ashes will be mingled and sprinkled in the Pacific Ocean which has meaning for both of us.
Curm my husband did not want any service announcements nothing but direct cremation which I honored and will do the same for myself. His cremains are in his dresser drawer with some to his sister on her request. Months later many people still ask me how he is doing. EEEKKK. Well maybe an announcement would have been ok. Anyway I also felt the need to just chill and get used to my new life in my own time. Being a caretaker for almost 4 years on call 24 7 I am doing a lot of sleeping in. Whatever you choose to do is good. I find many people say they want to come but in reality they do not so you probably did them a favor by turning them away for now. You live in a lovely place. I have been there many times. Enjoy the peacefulness of the lake.
I decided that I'm not going out of my way to attend any more funerals: most of my immediate family has passed. I'm not really close to the rest, nor do I have thousands of dollars or lots of time off to fly anywhere.
I also asked for direct cremation. If anyone wants to hold a memorial service in their area, fine. I wouldn't want anyone to spend money they don't have to get here. I'm gone. Honor the living . . .
I no longer need to worry about attending family funerals. Everyone is gone now. The last of my siblings died in November and December 2015, my parents both in 2008 and another sibling back in 2001. It's just me now. My biggest immediate decision is choosing someone, anyone, who will dispose of my body when I'll no longer need it. Kidding aside, it's a strange feeling to go from having a family to being totally alone. We all need someone, even if it comes to handling our final affairs. John Donne was right. No man is an island.
It's a tough decision. My uncle just passed - I traveled last week to another state to see him - am not sure I can logistically make it work to get to the funeral given that I need to fly and it's a holiday weekend, plus need to find a place to board my dog and they are booked. Also need to give up half of planned vacation on other side of country to go. Any thoughts appreciated. I don't feel my cousins and other family members will understand - it's several thousand dollars, though, and if I can't make arrangements for my dog I can't leave her alone.
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