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Old 03-13-2013, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Gotham
1,516 posts, read 1,684,237 times
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I only attend funerals if I was reasonably close to that person. Personally, I would rather not attend them but I will at certain times to show support. But whenever I did, it always felt weird see the dead body all made up and put on display like something you'd see in a wax museum. It looked so unnatural. When I pass on, I'd want to be cremated with no service and just have my ashes scattered in a park. No need to spend more on a final resting place than necessary. Finally, if people don't care enough to see you in life, why bother showing up when you are at your end. (Guilt notwithstanding)
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Old 03-14-2013, 05:54 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,738 posts, read 6,175,147 times
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Funerals are for the living, the dead don't realize who's there or not. So if no one comes to my funeral, that's fine. I don't expect anyone to take out a loan to go to a funeral. I have had people apologize when they couldn't make it to my son's funeral but it didn't hurt me or bother me. The fact they acknowledged the whole event at that time meant so much more that if they had spent thousands to fly over there and not say one word.
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Old 03-14-2013, 07:05 PM
 
Location: OC, CA
9,862 posts, read 13,194,178 times
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I attended my abusive Stepdad's funeral just to support my Mom. I don't have many close family or friends so if one my distant connections dies out of state I would most likely not attend due to cost, but as mentioned why bother if I am not close to them anyway? Besides the "normal" cost I have been unemployed since last June so money would be the main factor.
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Old 03-18-2013, 03:15 AM
 
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I lost a son 17 years ago, I have had a horrible time with the loss and the grief. It still wells up in me suddenly. I have never been able to attend a funeral since then. I just get too distraught dealing with my own thoughts, I'm in no shape to comfort anyone so I don't go . I can tell you however that I have been asked to explain myself a few times to my in-laws, when I was expected at my husbands cousins, or aunts, or friends funerals. Each and every time, I have told them to bug off and leave me alone, I grieve in my own way. - and they go away. They are just worried about appearances and not grief nor support. I feel I can only do my best and if that's not good enough - well then they shouldn't want me there then anyway.
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Old 03-18-2013, 04:06 AM
 
Location: Montreal, Quebec
15,087 posts, read 11,522,611 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Everybody has to decide for themselves what they will do.
It's my belief that people should not act out of a misplaced sense of obligation.
The last thing I would want is for someone to do or spend anything only because of me, if I'm not here anymore to appreciate it.
A Russian Orthodox funeral is a huge deal. When my parents died, it cost a fortune. I don't want my son saddled with that kind of obligation and expense. I already told him to just donate my body to a medical school. It doesn't matter to me at all. My parents would be turning over in their graves, because they were religious and convinced you had to be buried with all your bits to go to heaven.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:48 AM
 
12,429 posts, read 14,559,489 times
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I hate that it'll cost ANY money when I die. I definitely would want my body handled with the least expense to my family. cardboard box, or quart jar for what's left after cremation, as cremation is the cheapest way to go (where I live)Throw my ashes on the garden. If people want to gather, a backyard barbecue. If I could have it my way, I'd be buried (at no expense) in the back yard , or field somewhere.
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Old 03-20-2013, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,189 posts, read 14,068,763 times
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I don't attend viewings or funerals since I became an adult. As a child, my parents took us along to all the death stuff because they had to take Grandpa and Grandma. When my Grandma died, knowing she had been so lonely and no one ever came to see her, I could not understand why they showed up to view her dead body and be at her funeral. I watched them examine the casket and the flowers. I was 13 years old and I was so angry that none of these people came to see Grandma when she was alive and now it wasn't making a difference except maybe relieving a guilty conscious. So, I concentrate on visiting and letting people know how much care for them while they are alive.
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Old 03-20-2013, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Montreal, Quebec
15,087 posts, read 11,522,611 times
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If it were feasible (or legal) I'd like a Tibetan Sky Burial. They chop up your body and throw the bits off a mountain for birds of prey to eat.
Win-Win.
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Old 03-20-2013, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,484 posts, read 15,923,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I don't attend viewings or funerals since I became an adult. As a child, my parents took us along to all the death stuff because they had to take Grandpa and Grandma. When my Grandma died, knowing she had been so lonely and no one ever came to see her, I could not understand why they showed up to view her dead body and be at her funeral. I watched them examine the casket and the flowers. I was 13 years old and I was so angry that none of these people came to see Grandma when she was alive and now it wasn't making a difference except maybe relieving a guilty conscious. So, I concentrate on visiting and letting people know how much care for them while they are alive.
Although, I do attend funerals, if I was forced to make a choice (ie could only afford one plane ticket) of visiting while they are alive or attending the funeral I would definitely visit them while they were alive.
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Old 03-20-2013, 01:19 PM
 
3,751 posts, read 10,206,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
I hate that it'll cost ANY money when I die. I definitely would want my body handled with the least expense to my family. cardboard box, or quart jar for what's left after cremation, as cremation is the cheapest way to go (where I live)Throw my ashes on the garden. If people want to gather, a backyard barbecue. If I could have it my way, I'd be buried (at no expense) in the back yard , or field somewhere.
$2500 roughly for the above.

We had no funeral for mom, but a quick visitation for our family (6 people) and in-laws to say good bye.

My personal rule for attendance to funerals: How close was I to the deceased (would I want the closure of going) or how close I am to the family of the deceased (to show my respect and sympathy to them in their time of mourning)?

Even if I didn't actually know the deceased, but was close to the family (maybe I am friends with a child, or a brother) I would try to go if it were a reasonable distance. (i.e. not missing days of work due to travel).
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