U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-20-2013, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514

Advertisements

My longtime friend lost her husband last week...She plans to do what she's always done...Keep busy!.. So busy that she won't have much time to "think" or "feel" etc...My friend comes from a family where everyone "stays busy" most of the time and this is basically all she knows...Her family members will expect her to find non-stop things to "do!"...My friend's husband was even making daily lists of things for her "to do" on his death-bed. (Right-up until the very end.)...I've felt close to my friend for decades even though we haven't always seen or talked to each other all the time. (Because she's been "busy" since the day we met.)...Over the past few weeks I kept myself pretty busy. (Without much "free" or "off" time.)...After awhile I started feeling like I was going to "crack-up" (or have a breakdown) because I forgot to "feel" or cry and became like a robot!...Have you ever experienced anything like this? How do you feel about excessive "busyness" day after day? Thanks for listening. (And sharing too!)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-20-2013, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,578 posts, read 4,785,001 times
Reputation: 16486
People that are always busy are hiding from something. The things they are busy doing usually don't need done. It may be the only feelings of accomplishment that she gets.

As busy as she is, grief will still hit her eventually. Try to be there for her when it does.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2013, 03:28 PM
 
Location: WY
4,910 posts, read 3,487,547 times
Reputation: 5384
My sister died of breast cancer at the age of 29. Right after I got the phone call I walked into the hallway and started cleaning out my closet. It was three months before I could cry for her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2013, 01:44 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,625 times
Reputation: 2047
It is not in me to stay busy. I enjoy the peace and quiet of my abode and when I go into town and shop and whatever I do, occasionally join a meet-up function, I talk to people (mostly listen) and I can't wait to get back home. I use to be one to be busy and I just loved that but I don't have the energy, so I have to do things that are even keel.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2013, 02:14 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,740,923 times
Reputation: 7078
I think I might be a natural slacker as well as a natural hermit. Being busy all the time would stress me out. I like doing things around the house, but more in a putzing way than in a list-finishing intense way. I like to read, play some of my games on the computer, do Facebook, whatever.....no lists.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2013, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
thinkalot...I like your user name!.. I agree with you that some people try to hide-out emotionally through all of their "busyness."...My friend grew-up in a "workaholic" type of family where "being idle" was probably considered "sinful."...Through the years I've given a lot of thought to what it means to be "productive."...Without realizing it I became pretty "bottled-up" (and stressed-out) over the past few weeks...I was worried about my friend and her husband and lots of other things. Plus I decided to go through things in storage most everyday and it became "my job!"...I was definitely a "busy beaver" and looked "good" and "productive" on the "outside." But I forgot to pay attention to my "inside emotions" and even my physical needs...And one day I literally "bottomed-out" physically and emotionally and felt like I was going to "crack-up" or end-up in the hospital if I didn't "stop" for awhile...So right now I'm trying to be "productive" by taking a few days off to rest and recuperate and "nurse myself" back to health. (And sanity!)...Yesterday I caught-up on my crying. (Off and on.)...And I even played music and sang a little bit and found a few things to laugh about etc...I'm "nicer" and "present" for my cats because I'm being "nicer" to myself.. I'm "present" for myself again too. (Versus running myself "ragged" and running around in circles with no awareness of my feelings or needs etc.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2013, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
juneaubound...I'm sorry you lost your sister. Sorry that she died at such a young age. Has it been easier for you to cry now?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2013, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
smilin...I can relate to what you wrote...I just don't have the energy to do too much right now either..And I can't wait to come back home when I'm out...Everything isn't always perfect here at home. But it's my "safe harbor" for right now...I can be my "real self" here and I don't have to put-up any "brave fronts." Or pretend to be "perfectly normal" (or "fine") when this isn't always the case!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2013, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Marcy...I've never been much of a "list person" either. But lately I've been a little "scatter-brained" so I have made lists when I go to stores (at times) just so I won't forget anything...My husband loved and enjoyed making lists for himself...Every so often I find some of his lists.. He was cute! He wasn't really a "control-freak." He just loved expressing himself and "being there" for himself through his lists!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2013, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,578 posts, read 4,785,001 times
Reputation: 16486
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
thinkalot...I like your user name!.. I agree with you that some people try to hide-out emotionally through all of their "busyness."...My friend grew-up in a "workaholic" type of family where "being idle" was probably considered "sinful."...Through the years I've given a lot of thought to what it means to be "productive."...Without realizing it I became pretty "bottled-up" (and stressed-out) over the past few weeks...I was worried about my friend and her husband and lots of other things. Plus I decided to go through things in storage most everyday and it became "my job!"...I was definitely a "busy beaver" and looked "good" and "productive" on the "outside." But I forgot to pay attention to my "inside emotions" and even my physical needs...And one day I literally "bottomed-out" physically and emotionally and felt like I was going to "crack-up" or end-up in the hospital if I didn't "stop" for awhile...So right now I'm trying to be "productive" by taking a few days off to rest and recuperate and "nurse myself" back to health. (And sanity!)...Yesterday I caught-up on my crying. (Off and on.)...And I even played music and sang a little bit and found a few things to laugh about etc...I'm "nicer" and "present" for my cats because I'm being "nicer" to myself.. I'm "present" for myself again too. (Versus running myself "ragged" and running around in circles with no awareness of my feelings or needs etc.)
It sounds like your getting there. You might want to try what I do. Grab yourself a beer or iced tea, sit on the patio, and just enjoy the beauty of the world.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top