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Old 05-10-2013, 10:54 AM
 
374 posts, read 421,147 times
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We lost a nephew last week'he was 31'his father is now in critical condition and only has 10% chance to survive [ his brain is bleeding ].

Yet the brothers and sister in laws are arguing and can't get alone.I guess its just human nature to not get along.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:14 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,253,264 times
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I would need more info on what the arguing is about to understand what you are dealing with. What do you mean- arguing and can't get along?

You are obviously concerned and hurt about something but I am not sure what it is . . . ? Are you upset b/c people are not concerned about the mother/wife . . . not visiting or helping out?
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Old 05-10-2013, 12:04 PM
 
31,385 posts, read 31,051,757 times
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I don't do dead relatives... meaning I don't participate in funeral planning, attending, or participate in the devision of property. I stay the frack away. These fights are sometimes the only way that people can deal with the stress, grief and unresolved issues that accompany the death of a family member.
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:19 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,640,353 times
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Let me tell you I have walked out on visitations and funerals because of relatives fighting . My husband seems to think that is odd . I told him I dont go to funerals where everyone is biotching and moaning about such and such should not have done that or this .I wonder if the family understands how uncomfortable it makes the friends to see that and hear that .
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Old 05-10-2013, 03:37 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,253,264 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Let me tell you I have walked out on visitations and funerals because of relatives fighting . My husband seems to think that is odd . I told him I dont go to funerals where everyone is biotching and moaning about such and such should not have done that or this .I wonder if the family understands how uncomfortable it makes the friends to see that and hear that .
Still trying to understand what folks mean about the fighting . . . ? Fighting over what? Details of the funeral?

I have seen families fight about the distribution of assets after someone died . . .but I am really puzzled about what arguments and ugliness would go on outside of that . . . ?
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Old 05-10-2013, 03:45 PM
 
7,099 posts, read 23,889,158 times
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Keep in mind that some families are used to constant fighting. Someone's death doesn't make that habit go away. They just don't seem to enjoy one another's company. They certainly don't seem to recognize that everyone has a right to their own opinions. It's a lot in the way they were raised and how much love was in the family.
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Old 05-10-2013, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,022 posts, read 16,943,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Still trying to understand what folks mean about the fighting . . . ? Fighting over what? Details of the funeral?

I have seen families fight about the distribution of assets after someone died . . .but I am really puzzled about what arguments and ugliness would go on outside of that . . . ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
Keep in mind that some families are used to constant fighting. Someone's death doesn't make that habit go away. They just don't seem to enjoy one another's company. They certainly don't seem to recognize that everyone has a right to their own opinions. It's a lot in the way they were raised and how much love was in the family.
Anifani, Padgett's answer is certainly part of it. I have talked to a lot of funeral directors because I used to moonlight as a motorcycle funeral escort rider, and any experienced funeral director can tell you of ferocious family fights about who is calling the shots in making decisions about the arrangements, etc. One told me he has sometimes left the conference room to let them sort it out (or kill each other off).

Any crisis, especially a death, will bring out the best in good people and the worst in bad people. Let us suppose that a widow or widower has just died. If there is more than one surviving child, then it is not really clear (at least in most cases) that any one of the children should be the one to take the "lead", so to speak, in making decisions. If there are two or more control freaks involved, the fur will fly at this already emotional time. Past resentments surface and are magnified. Past grievances and past slights of the deceased, real or imagined, by one party or another assume immense importance.

Rational, objective siblings are able to discuss reasonably and compromise about all areas of disagreement, but we all know many people are neither rational nor objective. One area of disagreement can be how much money to spend on certain aspects of the funeral. The one arguing for some frugality may be seen as not "loving" the deceased enough. Less well-off siblings may be expected to both pay a pro-rata share of the costs and go along with better-off siblings' preferences for spending a lot of money. Add pre-existing resentments to the mix and it becomes very combustible.
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Old 06-08-2013, 05:08 PM
 
12,422 posts, read 14,553,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokesalad4u2 View Post
We lost a nephew last week'he was 31'his father is now in critical condition and only has 10% chance to survive [ his brain is bleeding ].

Yet the brothers and sister in laws are arguing and can't get alone.I guess its just human nature to not get along.
The brothers and sisters have probably always argued and not got along. The deaths in the family would just exacerbate what's already there...For SOME humans it's their nature not to get along.
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:17 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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When my Mom passed, my Dad wanted me involved with the arrangements and the writing of the obit. He then argued with me about every single thing I told the ME/funeral director, even her birthdate! (I was right.) I was going by what my mother had told me in stories all my life but I defered to Dad since he argued with me. It didn't really matter, most all Mom's friends were dead and there was no family living on her side anymore (except me and my kids) so I let him have his way. It just wasn't worth it. Dad asked which coffin I liked, I picked and he said "no" to that too. I never mentioned it to him but as you can see, it bothered me and still does to a certain extent. I'd just like to know why he asked me to be involved and then contradicted everything I had to say! At least at his funeral there was no one but me to make decisions.
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