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Old 06-06-2013, 05:48 PM
 
5 posts, read 5,280 times
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My husband passed away 3 years ago but we had been separated for years before that. He was an alcoholic that I could no longer live with but I loved him dearly. I have met a new man who I love very much and he has asked me and my youngest son (I have two other children that are grown and do not live at home) to move in with him. The older two children are not mature enough to trust them with the remains and the youngest is only 11. Is it too much to ask him to allow me to bring the remains with?
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Old 06-06-2013, 05:55 PM
 
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This is a new relationship. You are moving in, not getting married. Not that it would matter imo....Keep the remains. You cared enough to take charge of this ex's remains, you should keep them, or bury him. The new guy will not have an issue, if you don't make an issue out of it. IMO
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Old 06-06-2013, 06:34 PM
 
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Keep the remains. If your SO has a big problem with it -- perhaps you should look more closely at other red flags?

I know that if I loved someone very much (you didn't say he loves you very much but I'm assuming he does), I would be very glad to know that my SO loved at least one other person deeply. More than one? Better. (However, if my SO had 3-4 previous marriages, I might start to wonder. LOL) I would think that as we get older we get over this "I have to be your One and Only."
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Old 06-06-2013, 07:17 PM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 9,605,701 times
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I would have no need to keep my alcoholic ex-husband's remains. I doubt his children (not mine) would want them. If I had his ashes, I would take them to one of his favorite places and sprinkle them all around. Ashes to ashes...
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Old 06-06-2013, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leigh71 View Post
My husband passed away 3 years ago but we had been separated for years before that. He was an alcoholic that I could no longer live with but I loved him dearly. I have met a new man who I love very much and he has asked me and my youngest son (I have two other children that are grown and do not live at home) to move in with him. The older two children are not mature enough to trust them with the remains and the youngest is only 11. Is it too much to ask him to allow me to bring the remains with?
No, not at all.

My first boyfriend committed suicide a little over four years ago. His family gave me a little bit of his remains. I don't plan on throwing it away no matter what.

He was the first man I truly loved. All he gave me is love. How can I forget about him? I moved on to a new meaningful relationship. My current boyfriend is very understanding towards my feeling. Well, of course, I take my current boyfriend's feeling into consideration and I don't talk about my past all the time.

However, I do believe I have the right to grieve over my loved one. I will carry his remains with me for the rest of my life. A real man understands it.
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Old 06-07-2013, 02:25 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,074,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leigh71 View Post
My husband passed away 3 years ago but we had been separated for years before that. He was an alcoholic that I could no longer live with but I loved him dearly. I have met a new man who I love very much and he has asked me and my youngest son (I have two other children that are grown and do not live at home) to move in with him. The older two children are not mature enough to trust them with the remains and the youngest is only 11. Is it too much to ask him to allow me to bring the remains with?
Your attachment to the "remains" of an alcoholic husband from whom you were separated in the face of a supposedly new relationship with a man "I love very much" suggests to me a real lack of maturity.

Get rid of that pot of bone fragments, in whatever way, and get the h*ll on with real life and stop wanking around with self-indulgent sentimental nonesense.
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Old 06-07-2013, 07:35 AM
 
760 posts, read 1,962,437 times
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Quote:

I would have no need to keep my alcoholic ex-husband's remains. I doubt his
children (not mine) would want them. If I had his ashes, I would take them to
one of his favorite places and sprinkle them all around. Ashes to ashes...
I totally agree - why would you want to keep them anyway? My DH and myself, decided to take ours (one day!) to a remote lake in the Rockies, and sprinkle them in the lake. Pick a nice spot, and invite the children if they would like to take part. Did you ever see the movie The Descendants?
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Old 06-07-2013, 01:48 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
29,920 posts, read 34,517,946 times
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I would want my remains spread over my birth state of Texas. I would not want to burden my Ex or family with keeping.

Throw my ashes to the winds over the state I have loved, lived and died.
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Old 06-07-2013, 01:50 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
29,920 posts, read 34,517,946 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by easybay View Post
My DH and myself, decided to take ours (one day!) to a remote lake in the Rockies, and sprinkle them in the lake. Pick a nice spot, and invite the children if they would like to take part. Did you ever see the movie The Descendants?
Better yet, the movie "The Big Lebowski" ?

Don't throw them INTO the winds.
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Old 06-07-2013, 02:17 PM
 
5,706 posts, read 12,815,737 times
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My wife's first husband was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive. He refused to stop drinking and her children did not keep in touch. I asked her what she would do with his remains if she had them and she said "flush them down the toilet."
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