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Old 06-11-2013, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,172,988 times
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MissNM...I do think about my deceased loved ones everyday. Can't help it.
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:18 AM
 
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I prefer to not make my life about the past. An unhappy anniversary is the last thing I need. I remember every day, something happens, and I feel a visceral pain, that cuts me like a laser sharp incision. No need for me to have a 'celebration', of the most incredible emotional and devastating event of my life.

I prefer forward thinking. The past is over. I remember anyway... Others, may feel differently. I just can't think about that day. I dread it anyway. I won't forget, ever.
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Old 06-12-2013, 05:18 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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I like your thinking, Sam. Those 3 or 4 years I spoke of before with my Mom and Dad, I never forgot to think of "that" day when it came around and get myself all bummed out. Now sometimes the day passes without me even remembering unless something/one brings the date to my attention. "That day" doesn't bother me too much anymore. I just use it to calculate how many years it's been. I miss my parents desperately but can not "kill" myself with sorrow.

My husband, it's only been 1 1/2 years but I'm hoping this year I will not cry as much as I did this year. I'm going to try and not think about it this year. New Years unfortunatley will bring the date to mind, the 19th, but I hope to be stronger this year.

No, I don't want to do anything "special" on those days. I want to forget them.
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Old 06-12-2013, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Somewhere.
190 posts, read 309,373 times
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The closest person to me that I've lost was my MIL. It will be one year in Sept and lately it seems she's coming to mind more and more and I'm getting emotional more and more. Not sure if it has anything to do with it being nearly 9 months since she passed or not. I just know that it's still hard and will be for who knows how long but I know Mom and she wouldn't want us to grieve ourselves into a rut. She is in a much better place, reunited after 26 years with the love of her life and is whole once again. These thoughts bring our family comfort more and more each day. As I'm typing this, it has suddenly dawned on my why I'm feeling more sad lately. Mom always made a big fuss over birthdays. Mine is this coming Friday and I won't get that call or that hug this year and I'm not ready to deal with that yet. I have no choice, but still, I'm not ready. Wow, I hate it when reality slaps me in the face! Kinda stings a bit!
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Old 06-12-2013, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,088 posts, read 6,626,055 times
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Lots of lovely sentiments expressed in this thread. Tomorrow my mother would have turned 90 and this is the first birthday I will live through since her death (I hesitated before typing the word "death," it's still so hard to think of it).

It's so true that death ends a life, but not a relationship.

Hugs to everyone who also finds anniversaries of someone's passing tough to get through.
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Old 06-13-2013, 01:06 AM
 
Location: Lone Star State to Peach State
3,697 posts, read 3,279,188 times
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We light a candle upon the anniversary of their deaths.
That candle stays lit for 2 days. it's our reminder they were once with us.

my dad passed the weekend of July 4th.
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Old 06-13-2013, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
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I guess I just expect to "feel pain" right now. I am "in pieces" without my loved ones. (And family.)...My whole world came "crashing-down" and I am "here" all by myself. Of course I miss my husband and sons (and others) who died...I miss the life we used to "share together."...I'm prepared to "cry rivers" when need be. Or feel "gut-wrenching emotions." To me this is all "normal."...Thank goodness "happy memories" pop into my mind too. And bring me "joy."...But I know I have a long road ahead of me when it comes to processing my grief and moving beyond all of my devastating "losses."...Every day can be a "challenge." (Or "struggle.") But anniversaries or birthdays usually bring-up even more feelings. (And memories.)

Last edited by CArizona; 06-13-2013 at 09:12 AM.. Reason: change
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Old 06-13-2013, 10:28 AM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,572 posts, read 6,258,861 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikett View Post
Oh, I so dread the first anniversary of my mom's death (it's in Oct). I'm sure it never gets easy. I have an aunt who died on her son's birthday. *big hug*
That's so sad.

My Grandma died the day after my eldest son's birthday. Interestingly, my youngest son was born the day before HER birthday. So, we often had combined birthday celebrations for her and my youngest, and now my eldest always has his birthday with the realization that the anniversary of her death is the following day.

We experienced a sudden loss of a woman we knew in our community and her young daughter through violence in 2011, and it happened the day after my younger son's birthday. The mom was his caregiver through school at one point and the child was his schoolmate when he was little, it was really hard for him and his birthday now is tinged with sadness. I think it's hard for him as a kid (he is 15) dealing with the death of another child that he knew from childhood and his birthday occurring the day before she died just compounds it.

I am rambling, apologies.
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Old 06-13-2013, 02:06 PM
Status: "I used to have a lead foot, but now it's aluminum." (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: Lancaster, SC
5,303 posts, read 3,672,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikett View Post
Oh, I so dread the first anniversary of my mom's death (it's in Oct). I'm sure it never gets easy. I have an aunt who died on her son's birthday. *big hug*
My father passed on my birthday. It's never been easy. My mother passed during the Christmas season, my grandmother the next Thanksgiving holiday and my sister near July 4th. Any unexpected knock on the door or phone call near a major holiday or birthday causes concern around me.
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Old 06-13-2013, 11:19 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,440,508 times
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Okay, now from the person with a widower...last week was the anniversary of his late wife getting sick, he bought roses, went to the grave....I was supportive. THIS WEEK....it is her birthday, more roses....okay, already, enough is enough. How about roses for the living?

We discussed it...I decided it is part of the package...everyone has some sort of baggage...accept it, move on....however, he might get hit over the head with a vase if it happens next week....
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