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Old 08-23-2013, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,196,358 times
Reputation: 3514

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Thanks Tami...I agree with everything you wrote. I think I may have been in denial about my son's prognosis for awhile. Same goes for my husband...They were both "fighters" and tried to stay positive until the very end. So I didn't look at the "bigger picture."...Guess we can't really "cheat death." (At least not for long anyway.)...And we don't have "miracle cures." So death is the only way "out" when illnesses take over our body and mind and spirit and there is no hope for recovery...Anyway I learned a lot from my cat. He tried to stick around as long as he could but he reached a point where he just had to "go.".. Neither one of us (or the vet) had a "magic wand" to make his physical problems go away.
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Old 08-25-2013, 01:24 PM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,759,450 times
Reputation: 6206
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
The first anniversary of my son's death is right around the corner...I've noticed a difference in myself since my cat died a few days ago. At first I was consumed with grief and sadness. But now I look over at my cat's favorite resting place and I'm glad he didn't stick around longer and suffer and suffer...And to be honest I feel this way about my son too. His brain tumors caused a lot of damage and complications. And new tumors kept growing back fast despite the chemo and radiation treatments etc...I'm glad my son isn't laying in hospital beds today in agony. (Suffering and suffering.)
CA,


Nothing but love could allow you to write those heartfelt words about your son. I'm sure it was difficult for him to see your pain doing all you could for him.

I apologize I don't know the day in Sept. you lost him last year. It's no problem if you prefer not to share the date.

It seems as if something changed for you when you lost your dear furry family member and constant source of comfort for 16 years, this month. I certainly could be wrong but it appears like something or a combination of factors have allowed you to post your thoughts about how both your son and furry family member suffered in a different way than I've seen before.

I may not know the right words to write and would ask you to forgive me if I botched what I'm trying to convey.

In many situations we know loved ones are suffering physical, emotional and other types of pain or embarrassment etc. It's a huge step for us to think those thoughts privately vs. writing the words for others to read. I hope you understand what I'm trying to communicate.

I'm very proud of you and your post.

MSR

Last edited by Mtn. States Resident; 08-25-2013 at 01:35 PM..
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Old 08-25-2013, 06:42 PM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,880,999 times
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CA, I am coming up to a year since Bob's death. He had a brain tumor, and I am so thankful that he was taken soon and not having to suffer with pain. Today has been a hard day for me. Not sure why exactly. I did have to go and buy a new fridge........all by myself. Never did anything like that before. We were always a team. Now I am having to make all the decisions alone and it hurts.
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Old 08-25-2013, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Ouachita Mtns of Arkansas
1,923 posts, read 2,561,552 times
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My 19 year old son died this month on the 12th of 1987. I think of him everyday.
My sisters' 15 year old son died in August.
My mom died in August.

I would never tell anyone how to grieve for the loss of someone.

Everyone grieves in their own way.
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:43 AM
 
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It will be our 44th wedding anniversary on the 6th. Bob's birthday is on the 21st, and the one year mark of his passing is the 28th. September is not a good month for me. I plan on getting a new flag to display on the house. The old one is pretty used. He always wanted a flag out front. I will also go to the grave site on his birthday. My granddaughter wants to put a cupcake on his grave and make a drawing for him. The year has gone by so fast....still seems like yesterday.
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,196,358 times
Reputation: 3514
Jude....Sorry that you'll have so much to deal with in September...Really nice that your granddaughter wants to bring her grandpa a cupcake and special drawing for his birthday...The first anniversary date of my son's death is coming up in a few days. Still working through grief over losing my cat...Sending you a hug. I'm sure Bob will be happy with your new flag.
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:52 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,196,358 times
Reputation: 3514
MSR...Thanks for the praise.. I think I became pretty "bottled-up" for awhile... Today I finally let myself cry (again) and it helped me feel a little better...I wouldn't want my loved ones to suffer and suffer. But I still miss them.. Still have feelings to work through. (And release.)
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Old 09-01-2013, 10:06 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,196,358 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by slingshot View Post
My 19 year old son died this month on the 12th of 1987. I think of him everyday.
My sisters' 15 year old son died in August.
My mom died in August.

I would never tell anyone how to grieve for the loss of someone.

Everyone grieves in their own way.
I'm sorry you lost your son and nephew and mom. Hope August wasn't too rough for you.
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:12 AM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,759,450 times
Reputation: 6206
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
MSR...Thanks for the praise.. I think I became pretty "bottled-up" for awhile... Today I finally let myself cry (again) and it helped me feel a little better...I wouldn't want my loved ones to suffer and suffer. But I still miss them.. Still have feelings to work through. (And release.)
CA,

YW. I'm glad you could let yourself cry today. I think the synthesis of your thoughts about not wanting your loved ones to suffer, while being able to give yourself permission to feel all that you feel, will help you be prepared for the first anniversary of your son's passing.

How can I help you?

Sending healing and peace across the miles.

MSR
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Old 09-02-2013, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,196,358 times
Reputation: 3514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtn. States Resident View Post
CA,

YW. I'm glad you could let yourself cry today. I think the synthesis of your thoughts about not wanting your loved ones to suffer, while being able to give yourself permission to feel all that you feel, will help you be prepared for the first anniversary of your son's passing.

How can I help you?

Sending healing and peace across the miles.

MSR
Thanks...I've been giving myself a lot of space and time for myself. And this helps...Over the past couple of years I lost my husband and both my sons and 5 cats. (This includes one of my son's cats who was in my "care.")...So I guess I'm becoming a "pro" and "old hand" when it comes to grief. (And dealing with death and the loss of my family and loved ones.)...I always pay a price when I let myself become all "bottled-up." So I'm going to keep reminding myself to cry when need be. Thanks for writing and caring.
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