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It does get easier but you never forget. I will recommend 'The Grief Recovery Handbook'. It helped me to come to grips with losing my beloved husband.
I think many of our friends really don't know what to say when we are grieving, so they want us to get over it. Many also know us as a couple and when it is just you, they don't know how to be a friend to just one.
It has been 10 years for me. I have a new life but I have no love of my life. I have learned to live by myself and to be happy. Ironically not too long ago i was sitting watching TV and I smelled cigarette smoke coming from behind me. I don't smoke now but my DH did, wonder if there are cigarettes in heaven..
Keeper,
I'm a strong believer in the "visits," "signs." and other messages from those we've lost.
I believe in "signs" too. And I've had some "signs" and "visits" myself...Hard to imagine getting out of "day-by-day." But I guess I will someday.
Only when it's the right time, CArizona.
Sometimes there are others who have had experiences about us, from those we've lost. If you know the truth of the experiences you've had, believe if you need more help getting to a new layer of recovery, you'll receive it too. It may be an experience with one we've loved, or the right book may suddenly appear that is helpful. Or, sometimes others will have experiences about us and know what we need to heal a bit more.
Thanks for sharing and trusting us enough with this post, DArizona
Mtn. States...Thanks for your caring post. I agree with what you wrote about being led on a path to healing...I figure I'm suppose to learn something from the "bumps" on the road too. Or "thorns" in a garden, etc...I'm in the process of moving. And I haven't been the best "packer" or "mover." (During my lifetime.)...Guess I relied on my husband to "take charge" and keep things organized and "positive." He was always such a "happy camper."...I have to keep reminding myself not to be a "grump!" And it's sad to move. I have a lot of resistance and reluctance...But onwards and upwards! Right?.. Time to write a new chapter in my life!
CA, right up to last night I have been bemoaning the lose of my house, my childhood. I've been living here "begrudgingly" not because I wanted to or that Earl was really hoping I would after his death but because I HAD to. The night if the 3rd and last night changed my attitude.
The night of the 3rd is the biggest night in the town I was from for the past 30 years. It was written up in Boston magazine as the "Best" place to party the night of the 3rd. "They came" and "they came". Never bothered me until I moved back in after Dad died in '04. NOW it bothered me. The first night of the 3rd in '05 I couldn't believe how "they came"! Thousands of people descend to my little town. I once saw police marching down the street that runs along the beach walking shoulder to shoulder with riot gear on!!! WTF has happened to my little town that we, as teenagers, couldn't even build a bonfire on the beach???
Every single space of lawn was driven upon by a car for a parking space. Drunks peeded on my lawn all night. They puked and even had sex!!!!! Then threw her undies out under one of my trees! From '05 on I took every piece of spare whatever and put it along the corners and front of my property. I even picked stuff up off the side of the streets during the "off season" to fortify my "defense lines". M80s blasting off until 3-4 a.m. Drunks staggering up the hill from the beach.
Last night and the night of the 3rd I had peace for the first time since '05. I heard the fireworks E. Providence/McCoy Stadium sets off on the 3rd and I heard the fireworks last night from Providence but none in the park and no M80s. Cat didn't even hide once! Sounded like the rumble of thunder.
SO I decided this wasn't so bad a place after all. I didn't lose any sleep and I didn't have to kill myself cordoning off my property and I didn't have to take it all back on the 4th.
I've also been moving car load by car load for months. I couldn't afford a moving company nor a rental truck at the time. I DID however manage to buy the new car, a hatchback to get more stuff into the car. It worked out well since I didn't need to bring the couch or the bed or the fridge with me. I already had them here too. The new bed was delivered. My neighbor is storing my washer and dryer over at his place until I get the rental truck I can now afford.
May I ask why you are moving? Need to or want to??? This too will work out, CA. This needs time too. Good luck, my dear! (((hugs)))
Tami...I'm glad you had a quiet 3rd and 4th this year. Great job making the move by yourself...I'm making an "interim move" to have a change of scenery...Later I may move near my cousin in the Mid-West. We've become close through the years. Not sure yet...Just taking a first step to get out of my rut.
yes some widows find it comforting to move I did. Even though my husband did not die at home , I could no longer live there when I started to smell him , see his clothes in the closet .I still could not do it even after a year of looking at the place . I stayed by myself for 9 years and got my kids raised and got them moving on with their lives and after 9 yrs I remarried and to a man pretty much like the first husband . I always tell folks my husband married his equal . The second marriage is different and it is supposed to be , I have read book after book on the remarriage after the death of a spouse and I cannot tell you how much it helped me to cope and move on . Believe me our spouses would not want us wallowing in sadness or grief .
phonelady...Thanks for posting and sharing your experiences...I'm glad things turned out so well for you over time...Packing (for the move) has been hard at times. Since I'm the last one left (in the family) I have "stuff" here from both my sons and even my first husband...My younger son took care of his dad when he had cancer and lived with him so I "inherited" my first husband's possessions too...Plus I have all of my "last" husband's records. (School records, military records and awards, etc.)...It's hard to make decisions about what to do with everything...And since I'm still in the "day-by-day" mode everything seems overwhelming!...I sure don't feel "all-together" or competent right now. But I keep trying to get a better "grip."
Hi Everyone. Reading thru all your latest posts. I hope all the moves go well for you. I am so thankful that I can stay put. I am going thru items around the house. Even stuff in the bathroom cabinets remind me of Bob. I am just tossing a lot. I too have boxes of his records..military, school and business. So hard to close up a box. It seems so final.
Had a quiet 4th. It has been raining here and all the fireworks shows were cancelled. I had my granddaughter stay the night and had some company. Not a single call from friends except another widow. This day by day thing is getting to me. I need to find an outlet soon, but nothing seems interesting.
Hi Jude...Sorry you had rain over the 4th but good that your granddaughter spent the night with you...I only have a few local friends and nobody wanted to do anything on the 4th...We've been having high heat (here) in the desert. (Up to 126 degrees!) So the heat made people stay in...We always celebrated my husband's birthday on the 4th. I cried for awhile...Hope you can find some new interests and friends. Me too!
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"They came" and "they came". Never bothered me until I moved back in after Dad died in '04. NOW it bothered me. The first night of the 3rd in '05 I couldn't believe how "they came"! 
Thousands of people descend to my little town. I once saw police marching down the street that runs along the beach walking shoulder to shoulder with riot gear on!!! 
