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Old 08-11-2013, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,192,507 times
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MSR...Thanks for the kind words..I am in the "present." Can't help but be in the "present." But I'm also going through the stages of grief and I have to deal with a lot of feelings. (Which involve memories.)....And right now in the "present" I'm trying to prepare myself for my cat's eventual death. Also I'm "paying tribute" to my son and thanking him for "enriching" my life.. I don't want to rush out and try to "replace" my loved ones. I want to "celebrate" all we had together and all we "meant" to each other...In time I'll be ready to "be more" and "embrace more." (Beyond my present grief.)
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Old 08-12-2013, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,192,507 times
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My widower friend called me last night and he rarely talks about his wife or the past. He's definitely in the "now."..He's moving on with his life at a fast-pace. But he talked about having unexpected bouts of depression and doesn't understand why...The concept of grief doesn't make sense to his logical mind...He feels he should be "fine" and "over" losing his wife by now. (She died about a year and a half ago.)....He grew-up in a stoic family where emotions were taboo. His Mom handled his Dad's death in a stoic way. (And they were married for fifty-plus years.)..He's quick to change the subject if I "do feelings" or talk about my loved ones or the past...We don't have much in common but I care about him. (As a friend.)
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Old 08-12-2013, 08:13 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,594 posts, read 18,237,021 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
My widower friend called me last night and he rarely talks about his wife or the past. He's definitely in the "now."..He's moving on with his life at a fast-pace. But he talked about having unexpected bouts of depression and doesn't understand why...The concept of grief doesn't make sense to his logical mind...He feels he should be "fine" and "over" losing his wife by now. (She died about a year and a half ago.)....He grew-up in a stoic family where emotions were taboo. His Mom handled his Dad's death in a stoic way. (And they were married for fifty-plus years.)..He's quick to change the subject if I "do feelings" or talk about my loved ones or the past...We don't have much in common but I care about him. (As a friend.)
Sounds like your widower friend needs that book I just started reading, CA. She says "stoic" is never good.

Thanks again, Marcy!
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Old 08-12-2013, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,192,507 times
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Tami...I've been around so many stoic people in my everyday life (lately) that it's become my new norm...And I forget to pick-up the phone and call "non-stoic" friends who live farther away...My longtime friend called me the other night. She said: "Hey it's me! You can tell me anything! I understand grief!" (She lost her son too and her husband may not have long to live.)...She "does feelings" and has no problem talking about the past... Anyway I sure felt better after we talked. Felt more "human" and "alive" again!
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