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Old 07-10-2013, 11:34 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,433 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18814

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Congrats on Andrew moving out, Marcy, and you being able to start to really grieve. LMAO @ the whole bottle! You deserved it. I am very happy to hear you are feeling a little better. Things will only get better for you now. Sounds like you are doing a great job at "moving along". My best to you.

CA, I was alone for 8 years after my 1st divorce, then 15 years of worse misery than the first. Then I met Earl. Dating is nowhere in my expectations of my new life. I am getting very comfortable being "married" to Earl's "ghost". I still have my rings on.

No matter what roads our individual lives take us, I wish us all peace and happiness. It's very nice to be out of that horrible first grief stage, isn't it?
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Old 07-10-2013, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Tami..I like your description of being married to a ghost! (Our spouse's ghost!)...I'm just not ready to let go of my husband yet or our marriage. Or the love and friendship we shared together...He's in my blood and heart and soul. (On a very "deep" level!)...Normally I'm not a "mushy/gushy" kind of person. But my husband "won" my heart forever and ever!.. He got under my "skin!" And put a "spell" on me. (In a way that no man ever did before!)...Sounds like you feel this way about Earl too!
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Old 07-10-2013, 09:44 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,433 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18814
CA, in both our lives, neither Earl nor I ever had a relationship partner that didn't cheat on us until we met each other and I just want to continue doing that. As you know, "moving on" was fine with Earl, he wanted me to but I'm content at the moment with being a widow now that the shock has subsided. If he can see me, I hope he understands.
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Old 07-11-2013, 01:58 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,625 times
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Marcy,

Good for you Marcy, glad you are able to experience emotions and feelings that have been bottled up. Life is Grand no matter where we are in our lives. I think we are all amazing women and men watching each other as we grow and take another step.

I am not interested in having a relationship. It is time for me to work on myself, and boy, could I use some improvement. LOL!!

Love you all, wishing you the best!!!
Smilin
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Old 07-11-2013, 07:57 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
A longtime friend is helping me with my move. He rarely ever talks about his past. I "think" he was married and divorced twice. Once in awhile he talks about his kids...We're just friends. He was a friend to my husband and son (too) when they were alive..I don't want to be nosy so I don't bombard him with a lot of questions about his past. And he doesn't ask me questions either...Guess we're suppose to play: "Don't ask, don't tell!"..He's been a great friend but things seem a bit "vague" between us at times...If this is what it means to "live in the present" it seems a bit boring to me....I seem to do better with people who can talk about their past. (Their grief and "losses" and disappointments...The people they loved...Their happiest moments in life, etc.) How do you feel about it?...I think it might be hard to finish working through my grief if I spent all my time with "non-talkers." But I do appreciate my friend even though we stick to "surface talk" most of all.
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,352 times
Reputation: 699
You know, everyone is different and has to move at their own pace. And we all know there is nothing wrong with that. You have to do what is best for you, because only you can make yourself happy. That is one of the nice things about this forum, we all bring something different to the table. We each offer a different perspective or point of view on things. May work for some but not others. As long as we all continue to support each other, that's what we are here for.

smiling and marcy, maybe us Arizona girls can meet up some day.....that would be grand!!


Blessings,
tngirl
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Old 07-11-2013, 01:55 PM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 527,929 times
Reputation: 2050
Thought of this Thread, when I realized today what is helping me move on. Being invited to events, making plans, something to look forward to.

Reading Marcy's Entire Post, reinforced the above. Trying to let go of all the paper clutter I have. IF the good Lord would have me change residences or waiting for me to declutter, blessing the trash bin with papers/letters/cards my sons would not want or have to go through. Numerous sympathy cards, just had to release.

Happy to know Marcy is making their home, hers as I am trying to do the same, make our home mine. For example, our bedroom, except for one bottom dresser drawer, is just my
clothes, etc. Entertainment center, gave to my young son, videos my husband enjoyed.
Believe there was another Thread, will check my Posts about downsizing, helpful Posts as well.
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Old 07-11-2013, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
sera...I think downsizing is a good idea too...Except I'm bringing 4 very large containers of VCR tapes with me to my new place...Through the years my husband recorded old and new movies along with old TV shows and a few concerts and you name it!...It was his hobby and each tape is marked. There must be about 1200 "recordings."...I had to ask a friend for help carrying each container. (Maybe I'm weaker now. Not good!)...Anyway I need to hold-on to some things. But otherwise I'm trying to "customize" my life a little more. (To "fit" me.) Thanks to Marcy for bringing this up too.
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Old 07-11-2013, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
Tami...After my first husband and I got divorced I remarried too fast...And my 2nd marriage didn't even last a year. So this is why I decided to be a "slow-poke" when it came to falling in love and considering marriage again... Sorry that you and Earl were married to spouses who cheated on you in the past. Glad you found each other!
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Old 07-11-2013, 10:59 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,102 posts, read 2,918,142 times
Reputation: 9418
I've mentioned this before but I think it's worth repeating. After about 18 months of grieving on my own I decided to say "yes" instead of "no" whenever the opportunity arose --- yes to invitations or offers that got me moving. That opened doors and I made many new friends. These friends didn't know my late wife so I didn't have the "crutch" of their sympathy and I had to make my own way. I still have many close old friends going back 40 years but these are "our" friends while now I have a group of "my" friends. I wasn't sure I could make friends on my own.

Something that I didn't do that, looking back, I should have considered was replacing some or all of the daily trappings of our routine life. -- Dishes and glassware, different pots and pans, towels. You have to eventually take possession of your whole new life and little changes can help you do that.

I'm now moving to a different state and downsizing so I will be parting with a lot of stuff that I've kept for one reason or another. I'll be making new friends but keeping in close contact with my old friends as well. Saying "yes" made the difference -- life is too short to always say "no".
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