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Old 07-15-2013, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Plymouth Meeting, PA.
3,619 posts, read 1,854,887 times
Reputation: 1706

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My mom passed away back at the end of 2008. At the funeral, we had an open casket. At the end of the service, my neice, who I love but has no common sense, started to take pictures of my Mother laying in her coffin. Talk about tacky!!! has anyone else experienced this??

I have been to funerals where it was video taped and the tape sent to the Ukraine because of family that was elderly and could not make the trip to the states.
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Old 07-15-2013, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
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My grandparents and also my dad had pictures of their parents in their coffins. Decades ago it was not unusual apparently. Grandma even had some pictures of infants in their christening gowns lying in a coffin - not sure now whose children they were (weren't grandma's or anybody else that I knew anyway). I saw those pictures when I was a kid and it creeped me out - I don't think it is necessary and it is certainly not something that I would have wanted to happen with my own parents. Who knows why she (your niece) wanted to take pictures. She had a lifetime to visit and photograph them while they were living and happy - those are the photos she should have taken - not the ones after death, IMHO. I am not familiar with other cultures' beliefs or customs regarding death - but I do know that it was very tasteless and insensitive for your niece to have done this. Have you been holding this in all these years, or did you speak to her about it - you would have had a right to since it was your mother. Did she give you any explanation that made any sense at all?
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Old 07-15-2013, 07:27 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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CREEPY. I have never heard of such a thing.
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Old 07-15-2013, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,163 posts, read 16,510,896 times
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My ex-wife's grandmother asked me to take pictures of her deceased husband in the casket. I hated to tell her no, but I did. I thought it was in poor taste. I don't even want to have an open casket when I go. I'd rather be remembered for who I am, was and will be before death. My late wife and I discussed it (open caskets) and agreed. When she died a distant friend of ours called me saying that she'd been to the funeral home but was told the casket was closed and would stay that way unless I gave approval to open it. She (distant friend) said she just couldn't believe my wife was dead. I assured her that she was, but told her the casket would remain closed. Some people's kids....

It never crossed my mind before now, but I'll bet if I'd have had the casket opened for her she'd have taken a picture! The only reason we knew her was because she used our darkroom one afternoon each week. My late wife was a columnist for the weekly newspaper this gal worked for, and I was an unpaid consultant for it.
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Old 07-16-2013, 12:31 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
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My husband and I talked about our funeral plans as each of our parents died, and like them, we decided cremation was the way to go~~no funeral, no casket, no viewing, just a small service for family. However, when my husband died, the funeral home didn't cremate him right away (I don't know why~~they were supposed to) and they had him laid out in a casket. My daughter took her children ages 4-10 to view him. No one else in the family went to see him, not even me. Anyway, she took pictures which, at the time appalled me beyond belief. I was absolutely shocked and dumbstruck speechless. I thought it was awful and tacky and in bad taste, and I told her so. She said she wanted to remember him, so a couple of days after the service, I gave her an 8 x 10 picture of him I printed on the computer and framed. I told her to remember him happy as he was in the picture. I'm still dumbstruck that she did that...
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Old 07-16-2013, 05:13 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,429 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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I try to erase Earl's image of death that was the last I saw of him. I look at pictures of happy times.

Like I said, just plain CREEPY. Maybe MORBID is a better word.
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Old 07-16-2013, 05:46 AM
 
Location: Plymouth Meeting, PA.
3,619 posts, read 1,854,887 times
Reputation: 1706
my niece, in her early 30s lets say her life is a total mess. I had her live with me when she was a teenager and she turned my house upside down. I wanted to bring it up with her, but my other family members just said "let it go".


Quote:
Originally Posted by CFoulke View Post
My grandparents and also my dad had pictures of their parents in their coffins. Decades ago it was not unusual apparently. Grandma even had some pictures of infants in their christening gowns lying in a coffin - not sure now whose children they were (weren't grandma's or anybody else that I knew anyway). I saw those pictures when I was a kid and it creeped me out - I don't think it is necessary and it is certainly not something that I would have wanted to happen with my own parents. Who knows why she (your niece) wanted to take pictures. She had a lifetime to visit and photograph them while they were living and happy - those are the photos she should have taken - not the ones after death, IMHO. I am not familiar with other cultures' beliefs or customs regarding death - but I do know that it was very tasteless and insensitive for your niece to have done this. Have you been holding this in all these years, or did you speak to her about it - you would have had a right to since it was your mother. Did she give you any explanation that made any sense at all?
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Old 07-16-2013, 06:24 AM
 
5,321 posts, read 7,656,746 times
Reputation: 9538
I was very shocked to open the newspaper and see a photo of a stillborn baby on the obituary page. The baby was dressed and wrapped in a baby blanket.

All of my coworkers were talking about it after they saw it, none of us had ever seen a stillborn baby photo in the obits before.
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Old 07-16-2013, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,577 posts, read 4,780,727 times
Reputation: 16482
I have pictures of my grandfather in the coffin. He died 85 years ago. I never understood why people did that. When I asked my father about that he said it was just what people did back then. He wasn't a fan of it either.

I found pictures of my grandmother in the coffin. She died 50 years ago. I was there, did not notice people taking pictures but someone did and must have made copies for others.

When my parents died it never entered my mind to take pictures.

If people are still doing it now it must be a cultural thing.
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Old 07-16-2013, 08:03 AM
 
4,931 posts, read 4,639,782 times
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When my paternal grandfather died, I was at the funeral home, trying to avoid looking at him in his open coffin. I went to sit down, and some lady who I didn't know, but who knew my grandparents and father, asked me to come and sit with her. I did, and she asked me if my brother would be able to make it to the funeral. I told her that he lived in Thailand, and that he wouldn't be able to get here in time.

She then said, "Mario (the undertaker) has a camera in his office if you'd like to take a picture of your grandfather to send to your brother."

It was all I could do to prevent myself from yelling, "NO, YOU MORBID IDIOT!!! WE'RE NOT A BUNCH OF DAMN QUEEN VICTORIAS, TAKING POST-MORTEM PHOTOS OF OUR RELATIVES!!! NO! NO! NO!!!"

Instead, I just said, "No, ma'am, that won't be necessary."

But the twit couldn't leave it at that. My father happened to walk by just then, and she had to make the same suggestion to him. He and I looked at each other, and he gave her a reply similar to my earlier one.

I was furious, and wanted to rail at her with, "WHAT? COULDN'T BELIEVE ME AND HAD TO PLAGUE MY FATHER WITH YOUR MORBID SUGGESTION?!?!?! DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU!!!", but managed to avoid that and just remained silent.


No, no open coffins or photos for me, thank you.
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