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Old 07-17-2013, 09:12 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,254 posts, read 3,954,423 times
Reputation: 9443

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
A good friend of mine committed suicide unexpectedly Friday. He was severely mentally ill, but came from a reasonably well-to-do family, never had to work, never experienced any financial insecurity of any kind. He made an invalid suicide attempt in February by shooting himself in the eye with rat shot which resulted in numerous, expensive eye surgeries.

Over the years, he was a bad drug addict and alcoholic, and eventually deteriorated to the point where he had to be supervised to eat, bathe, etc. He was just 27 when he died.

I have a hard time bringing myself to go to the visitation of such a man tomorrow. He cruelly did this act without any regard to the feelings of family and friends. His family has put up with his garbage for years. His friends did what they could with him, but he gradually became a burden at almost infantile levels.

Do you believe that a suicide when life is so materially easy is even worthy of acknowledging with a memorial service?
How can you call someone a good friend and then question if they are "worthy" of mourning? You are questioning the worth of another human's beings life - never mind that he supposedly was your friend. Who are you to stand in judgement? Who are any of us to judge the worth of another's existance?

I think you should stay home from the funeral and stay away from your so-called friend's family. They are in mourning and you seem to have nothing but bitterness to offer them. Let the dead rest in peace.

 
Old 07-17-2013, 09:27 PM
 
Location: SoCal & Mid-TN
2,079 posts, read 2,010,149 times
Reputation: 2362
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Yes. He died from a disease. Not dissimilar from a heart attack or complications from diabetes. I hope you feel fortunate that you will never know what his sort of suffering was like.

You may be surprised to find that his family feels a sense of relief that his trauma is over and he is at peace.
^^^This. Mental illness is like heart disease, cancer, etc. It's time people realized that and stopped thinking that the mentally ill can somehow heal themselves through positive thinking.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 09:52 PM
 
Location: Hudson County, NJ
1,493 posts, read 2,581,535 times
Reputation: 1176
As someone else mentioned, you sound cold and bitter, and I don't believe this person was a "good" friend.

Be happy you don't have to go through what this poor soul had to go through. No one wants to kill themselves, it's not natural, and it's not easy for anyone to do.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,433 posts, read 18,442,400 times
Reputation: 12154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
A good friend of mine committed suicide unexpectedly Friday. He was severely mentally ill, but came from a reasonably well-to-do family, never had to work, never experienced any financial insecurity of any kind. He made an invalid suicide attempt in February by shooting himself in the eye with rat shot which resulted in numerous, expensive eye surgeries.

Over the years, he was a bad drug addict and alcoholic, and eventually deteriorated to the point where he had to be supervised to eat, bathe, etc. He was just 27 when he died.

I have a hard time bringing myself to go to the visitation of such a man tomorrow. He cruelly did this act without any regard to the feelings of family and friends. His family has put up with his garbage for years. His friends did what they could with him, but he gradually became a burden at almost infantile levels.

Do you believe that a suicide when life is so materially easy is even worthy of acknowledging with a memorial service?
You just posted yourself, "He was severely mentally ill". Do you understand your own words?

Mental illness is just as real and severe as other illnesses. Unfortunately, mental illnesses can be fatal.

I lost my first boyfriend to suicide over 4 years ago. He suffered from untreated depression and possibly mood disorder. He was a very high profile attorney, an incredibly honorable guy.

It doesn't matter what others say, I still grieve. Grief is a human emotion and it comes natural when we lose somebody so dear to us to suicide.

I think you should educate yourself about mental illnesses and suicide. With all due respect, you sound a little bit cruel.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 12:11 AM
 
9,457 posts, read 15,025,607 times
Reputation: 15419
Many years ago we had a friend who was constantly trying to kill himself. Finally he succeeded. Ok, at his memorial service, we said that was the only time the rest of us could be together in a group and not worry what he was going to do! He wasn't a close friend, just a guy in a group I hung with. Honestly, if suicide was his main goal, well, then, get it over with so the rest of us can stop worrying about him!
 
Old 07-18-2013, 02:38 AM
 
Location: La-La Land
217 posts, read 302,694 times
Reputation: 268
Of course he deserves to be mourned!
Scathing judgement indeed.

I measure every grief I meet
With analytic eyes; I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
It feels so old a pain.

I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if they have to try,
And whether, could they choose between,
They would not rather die.

I wonder if when years have piled--
Some thousands--on the cause
Of early hurt,
if such a lapse Could give them any pause;

Or would they go on aching still
Through centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger pain
By contrast with the love.

The grieved are many, I am told;
The reason deeper lies --
Death is but one and comes but once
And only nails the eyes.

There's grief of want, and grief of cold,--
A sort they call 'despair,'
There's banishment from native eyes,
In sight of native air.

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,

To note the fashions of the cross
Of those that stand alone
Still fascinated to presume
That some are like my own.


-Emily Dickinson
 
Old 07-18-2013, 04:50 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,793 posts, read 6,508,212 times
Reputation: 4742
I think it should be the family's call.He is some one son/brother.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 06:07 AM
 
Location: Londonderry, NH
41,505 posts, read 49,566,735 times
Reputation: 24548
I have mourmed friends of mine that committed suicide. Why should I not? It is my grief I have to deal with as they are already dead.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 06:08 AM
 
2,603 posts, read 3,774,225 times
Reputation: 2377
When you love someone of course you are going to mourn no matter what the circumstances. I feel much compassion for people that commit suicide. I think people that do this are not always thinking clearly. Most are like your friend mentally ill or suffering depression. It must be terrible to suffer so much. Many people are mentally ill through no fault of their own. Even if drugs are the cause it is still very sad. It is always sad when someone dies but it is easier to deal with when it is through natual causes. It is very difficult for the family left behind if someone suicides. They always feel they might have been able to do more to prevent it.

No one really knows what is going on inside someone's head. Even people that appear fine can be suffering depression. No one is perfect and we should have empathy. As someone else said "Don't judge me until your walk a mile in my shoes or live a day in my life".

Last edited by Bernie20; 07-18-2013 at 06:34 AM..
 
Old 07-18-2013, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,189 posts, read 14,074,451 times
Reputation: 18141
The way that OP described it, suicide seems "ify". If he were drunk and decided to dive in, like so many children appear to have done without harm, that just doesn't seem like suicide to me. I wonder though, I had a friend that was arrested for attempted armed robbery of a liquor store. I nearly fainted when I heard it on the radio. For quite some time after that I wondered if there wasn't something that I could have said or done so that it would not have happened. I felt sort of guilty but I came to realize that it was his life and he was having issues and everyone had tried to help. You still feel a sense of guilt, like maybe there is something you could have done even when you couldn't. Could this be part of the issue? I'm not saying anyone could do something because the person has to want the help and do the work because you can't do it for them. I read an article though once by a psychologist who claimed that suicide was a selfish act and if you see the family left behind, it kind of looks that way.
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