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Old 07-18-2013, 06:56 AM
 
7,623 posts, read 8,972,694 times
Reputation: 12924

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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
This is not the same as a run of the mill suicide, which for me has caused the same anger and resentment you are feeling. Many times it seems like a selfish act.
There is no such thing as a "run of the mill" suicide. Each time someone chooses to end their life there are many, deep, scarring, painful reasons they choose to do so. every time, those reasons are different. While it is certainly a selfish act, these people do not feel like they have any other option. It's possible that these is some level of mental disease in each person who chooses to take their own life.

Regardless, they are are sill remembered, loved, and mourned by friends and family, even if the feelings of anger and resentment are there.

 
Old 07-18-2013, 07:10 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,439 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18824
There are also those who kill themselves out of guilt, like my SIL did. No mental illness there, he just wouldn't stop cheating on my daughter. I am so glad he offed himself and saved my daughter more misery although she deifies him now. Bleck, dog germs. I just stay away because I can not keep my mouth shut.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 08:35 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,439 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18824
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
Of course they are. I'd imagine that most people, on committing suicide, are immersed in their own pain.
Of course they are. No doubt about that.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Upstate NY
30,442 posts, read 9,097,651 times
Reputation: 28975
Consider this:

The Elephant in the Room By Terry Kettering


There’s an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with,
“How are you?” and, “I’m fine,”
and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather;
we talk about work;
we talk about everything else—
except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant
as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all, but we do not talk about
the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please, say “Barbara” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about
the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,
perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say, “Barbara” to you
and not have you look away?
For if I cannot,
then you are leaving me alone
in a room—with an elephant.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 08:38 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,878 posts, read 4,391,411 times
Reputation: 4180
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Many years ago we had a friend who was constantly trying to kill himself. Finally he succeeded. Ok, at his memorial service, we said that was the only time the rest of us could be together in a group and not worry what he was going to do! He wasn't a close friend, just a guy in a group I hung with. Honestly, if suicide was his main goal, well, then, get it over with so the rest of us can stop worrying about him!
I must say that I am somewhat appalled at your cavalier attitude toward your "friend's" life struggles. I honestly do not believe that people decide to commit suicide on a whim. For those who don't "succeed" at first, like your friend, it is a cry for help.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Upstate NY
30,442 posts, read 9,097,651 times
Reputation: 28975
Consider this:

The Elephant in the Room By Terry Kettering


There’s an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with,
“How are you?” and, “I’m fine,”
and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather;
we talk about work;
we talk about everything else—
except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant
as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all, but we do not talk about
the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please, say “Barbara” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about
the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,
perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say, “Barbara” to you
and not have you look away?
For if I cannot,
then you are leaving me alone
in a room—with an elephant.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 08:44 AM
 
8,308 posts, read 8,586,427 times
Reputation: 25929
A timely thread.

On Saturday, I was returning to my home from the grocery store and I came upon a horrific sight, I've never seen before and I know I'll never see again. A man had literally parked his car in the middle of the road and had gotten out of his car. He than shot himself in the head. As it turned out, I was the first person to come upon this awful scene which I shall not describe other than to say there was blood everywhere.

I think of the trauma this man caused his family. There had been an argument and the family very quickly arrived at the scene after I did and listening to their screams and cries was almost intolerable. I had to restrain several family members who wanted to view the body.

I think of the trauma this man caused the first responders who have to clean up after this mess.

I think of the trauma he caused a local physician who assessed his vital signs and determined that nothing could be done.

I think of the trauma he caused the neighborhood who forever more will likely remember what happened at that point on the road at the entrance to where they all live.

Others can debate whether a memorial service should be held for such a person. I simply wish I could forget all about him and what I saw. I don't think those images will leave my mind until the day that I die.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Hudson County, NJ
1,493 posts, read 2,581,535 times
Reputation: 1176
Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
A timely thread.

On Saturday, I was returning to my home from the grocery store and I came upon a horrific sight, I've never seen before and I know I'll never see again. A man had literally parked his car in the middle of the road and had gotten out of his car. He than shot himself in the head. As it turned out, I was the first person to come upon this awful scene which I shall not describe other than to say there was blood everywhere.

I think of the trauma this man caused his family. There had been an argument and the family very quickly arrived at the scene after I did and listening to their screams and cries was almost intolerable. I had to restrain several family members who wanted to view the body.

I think of the trauma this man caused the first responders who have to clean up after this mess.

I think of the trauma he caused a local physician who assessed his vital signs and determined that nothing could be done.

I think of the trauma he caused the neighborhood who forever more will likely remember what happened at that point on the road at the entrance to where they all live.

Others can debate whether a memorial service should be held for such a person. I simply wish I could forget all about him and what I saw. I don't think those images will leave my mind until the day that I die.

Sorry to hear about this, it isn't easy to see someone leave this world, especially in that manner. But is your point that this was a selfish act? In a way yes, but think about how that person feels to be so hopeless and have nothing else left, that he doesn't even care anymore what anyone thinks of him, sees of him, or what the outcome is.

I think it must be a scary feeling to simply not care at all for anything, yourself, family, bystanders, and feel like offing yourself is the best case scenario. Be compassionate towards people struggling to stay alive in this manner.

To everyone: I think suicide is something many of us can't comprehend, and as beautiful as life may be for you now, in 10 years things can change so drastically that it might be you considering it, even though you can't fathom the idea now. We lost someone to suicide in this manner, and it was life changing for everyone.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 09:09 AM
 
7,497 posts, read 9,280,426 times
Reputation: 7394
Of course! If the person was close to you, it doesn't matter how they died, one needs the mourning and closure. It might also help a family left behind to work through anger and other unsettled emotions, to mourn the loved one.
 
Old 07-18-2013, 09:19 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,439 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18824
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
Consider this:

The Elephant in the Room By Terry Kettering


There’s an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with,
“How are you?” and, “I’m fine,”
and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather;
we talk about work;
we talk about everything else—
except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant
as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all, but we do not talk about
the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please, say “Barbara” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about
the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,
perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say, “Barbara” to you
and not have you look away?
For if I cannot,
then you are leaving me alone
in a room—with an elephant.
I like that ^^^^^^. I should rephrase my post abut SIL. I stay away from daughter because she wants me to stay away. She wants nothing to do with hearing me remind her of all the things she told me in the past when she was hurting from yet another cheating episode and how she was waiting for the kids to grow up and then leave him. She is in total denial about what a pos he really was. That's because of the kids, I know, but she believes her own lies now and doesn't want to hear the truth anymore. So, in a way, he won. He always tried to break my daughter's bond with me.
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