U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 07-17-2013, 12:34 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
21,036 posts, read 15,345,127 times
Reputation: 23889

Advertisements

A good friend of mine committed suicide unexpectedly Friday. He was severely mentally ill, but came from a reasonably well-to-do family, never had to work, never experienced any financial insecurity of any kind. He made an invalid suicide attempt in February by shooting himself in the eye with rat shot which resulted in numerous, expensive eye surgeries.

Over the years, he was a bad drug addict and alcoholic, and eventually deteriorated to the point where he had to be supervised to eat, bathe, etc. He was just 27 when he died.

I have a hard time bringing myself to go to the visitation of such a man tomorrow. He cruelly did this act without any regard to the feelings of family and friends. His family has put up with his garbage for years. His friends did what they could with him, but he gradually became a burden at almost infantile levels.

Do you believe that a suicide when life is so materially easy is even worthy of acknowledging with a memorial service?

 
Old 07-17-2013, 12:42 AM
 
Location: Too Far from Florida!
149 posts, read 307,824 times
Reputation: 198
Yes, as you said he was very ill.
It is easy to judge others when we are not in their shoes.
Him and the family deserve symphathy.
Hopelesness is very sad in their internal anguish they want to end it all.
Very sad. My sympathy to you and his family. And a prayer for confort,forgiveness and understanding.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 02:06 AM
 
260 posts, read 370,216 times
Reputation: 479
I don't think you can judge someone else's inner turmoil
 
Old 07-17-2013, 02:08 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,674 posts, read 6,749,825 times
Reputation: 7088
I do believe he deserves a memorial service, if not for him, but for his family. You said he was severely mentally ill. Maybe his demons became too much for him and he couldn't take it anymore. He may have been a very tortured soul. His family needs to say good-bye no matter what, and they need to grieve his passing and their loss.

It is not up to us to judge. We can't begin to know what another person is thinking or feeling or going through. Someone with severe mental illness should have had treatment. This is a very sad situation. My thoughts go out to his family, and I hope he's finally found some peace.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 02:12 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,884,390 times
Reputation: 61848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
A good friend of mine committed suicide unexpectedly Friday. He was severely mentally ill, but came from a reasonably well-to-do family, never had to work, never experienced any financial insecurity of any kind. He made an invalid suicide attempt in February by shooting himself in the eye with rat shot which resulted in numerous, expensive eye surgeries.

Over the years, he was a bad drug addict and alcoholic, and eventually deteriorated to the point where he had to be supervised to eat, bathe, etc. He was just 27 when he died.

I have a hard time bringing myself to go to the visitation of such a man tomorrow. He cruelly did this act without any regard to the feelings of family and friends. His family has put up with his garbage for years. His friends did what they could with him, but he gradually became a burden at almost infantile levels.

Do you believe that a suicide when life is so materially easy is even worthy of acknowledging with a memorial service?

It sounds like you thought of him as more of a burden than a friend from your statements. It is your choice to go or not but it is not your choice to judge whether he should be mourned let alone even ask such a question about a "good friend"........
 
Old 07-17-2013, 07:32 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,480 posts, read 18,177,881 times
Reputation: 18860
Anger is usually the first emotion but then all persons who take their own lives need to be pitied that they saw no other way out. More's the pity for the ones left behind. I judged my SIL last March but now all I can do is pity him and my kids. It takes time to stop judging them and realize they were not in their right mind but it can be done. The anger may never go away though. Sorry you lost your friend.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
2,189 posts, read 3,417,201 times
Reputation: 6306
Personally, I don't think a "good friend" would even pose a question like the one you did. Of course he deserves to be memorialized - regardless of what anyone thinks, he was still a human being with feelings and emotions. He probably wasn't always in turmoil. Some folks just cannot cope with life - for many reasons - and apparently coming from money and having a secure financial situation play no factor in ones ability to enjoy life. He was sick - and probably saw nothing worthy of living for any more. His family will no longer be "burdened" by his needs or torments, but he was still a part of their family and undoubtedly they loved him to the very end. So yes, I think the family deserves to have a memorial for him - it will be for them now. If you do attend - do it for his family and please keep your personal sentiments about him private. His family needs to grieve his loss and say goodbye. They will be remembering him as he was before the insanity overtook him - so please do be kind if you do go. If you cannot do that, I would suggest not attending. Your judgement means nothing to any of them.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 08:13 AM
 
15,871 posts, read 13,458,639 times
Reputation: 35295
Yes. He died from a disease. Not dissimilar from a heart attack or complications from diabetes. I hope you feel fortunate that you will never know what his sort of suffering was like.

You may be surprised to find that his family feels a sense of relief that his trauma is over and he is at peace.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 08:24 AM
 
4,950 posts, read 4,657,750 times
Reputation: 9207
I felt sad when my friend Pete shot himself.
 
Old 07-17-2013, 08:34 AM
 
11,685 posts, read 13,105,481 times
Reputation: 30982
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
...Do you believe that a suicide when life is so materially easy is even worthy of acknowledging with a memorial service?
You have described in detail his deterioration and mental illness, and yet that does not seem to figure into your scathing judgement. Your principal focus seems to be on the fact that he came from a financially secure background, and that money was wasted on him.

Quite honestly, I think your description and question reflects some seriously ugly values, and perhaps you could skip the memorial service of this "good friend" and spend that time to better advantage examining your own views and values.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top