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Old 07-27-2013, 02:36 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,702 posts, read 21,750,727 times
Reputation: 27752

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Sorry to hear you "lost" another friend, Gerania. You're not quite the person you used to be so she won't completely come back. I'm sorry to hear you are frightened and worried. About what if I may ask.
My husband sheltered me from, well, everything. I've never had to deal with the mortgage company, the IRS... anything. Well, I've always paid the household bills, maintained a budget for food, clothing and whatever. To keep it short, he left a parting gift of a staggering amount of debt and a lot of drained accounts. I've had to drop all of my activities because of cost.
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Old 07-27-2013, 08:06 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18811
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
My husband sheltered me from, well, everything. I've never had to deal with the mortgage company, the IRS... anything. Well, I've always paid the household bills, maintained a budget for food, clothing and whatever. To keep it short, he left a parting gift of a staggering amount of debt and a lot of drained accounts. I've had to drop all of my activities because of cost.
OMG, Gerania, I'm soooo sorry to hear that! Wow, I would be catatonic for sure. Thank you for sharing that. Have you checked into these place "forgiving" the debts? Earl owed one car insurance bill and when I called the collection agency, (I had ignored bills from the ins. comp) the lady just took it off their system. Right then and there. I was not legally responsible after his death. It's worth a shot if you haven't talked to these debtors yet. So sorry about the depletion of funds too. Man, (((HUGS))) to you.
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Old 07-28-2013, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,702 posts, read 21,750,727 times
Reputation: 27752
Thanks tam. It's just been a bad week; I don't usually want to talk about that. A few days ago I spoke with my husband's "friend". I lent him power tools and other things. It seems that he doesn't remember what he borrowed and doesn't have all of the stuff any more. Really? Well, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Things like this have happened a few times. I guess that I have to stop being friendly and generous. People keep taking advantage of me. Growing pains, indeed.
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Old 07-29-2013, 05:50 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18811
I'm glad you decided to open up, Gerania. Your level of frustration must be sky-high. I can't believe your husband's "friend". Well, yes I can. The nerve of him! I'm so sorry you've had to endure this rubbing salt into your wounds. Isn't it just terrible that you feel the need to have to shut down your kindness and friendliness because jerks like him will take advantage of you? Do you have any brothers or sons you could send to "collect" these things? *sigh*

Keep your chin up, woman. There are more good people out there than jerks.
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Old 07-29-2013, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,172,988 times
Reputation: 3514
Gerania...Sorry about the missing power tools. What did you tell your husband's friend? He should pay to replace them...Sorry about your tough situation...Life has been rough and "rocky" for me at times. (Not like the "old days!")...My husband and I should have faced reality (a lot more) when he learned that he had stage 4 cancer...But this just wasn't "who we were!" Both of us took pride in being positive thinkers and hopeful...And my husband kept cooking and cleaning the cats' boxes and driving and doing normal things right up until the day he died. So it was easy to believe that he would live a lot longer.
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Old 07-29-2013, 10:43 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,636,462 times
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Gerania,

Hugs to you!!!

xxoo
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Old 07-30-2013, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,172,988 times
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I've been in an on and off (again) "funk" since I moved. Yesterday smilin sent me a couple of texts and reminded me that it's okay to cry. (When need be.) This helped...I've been trying to keep a "stiff upper lip." And probably became a little stoic or "shut-down." All my feelings were "bottled-up." And it even started to take a toll on my health...I let myself cry for awhile last night and I felt better afterwards. Anyway, smilin was right! I do need to "feel" all of my emotions! (Thanks smilin!)
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Old 07-30-2013, 10:28 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,636,462 times
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CA, I only know what works for me, and a good cry seems to help. I am glad you allowed yourself a good cry,IMHO it is healthy for us to FEEL all our emotions. Your welcome, CA. HUGS (((())))).
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Old 07-30-2013, 10:49 AM
 
2,759 posts, read 3,310,826 times
Reputation: 3077
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Part of the growth-process (for me) is remembering to "nurture" myself. How about you?...It's easy and second-nature to be "nurturing" towards others. But sometimes I forget about myself...And I need a little "nurturing" once in awhile too. (So I don't shrivel-up and turn into beef jerky or petrified wood!)
I may nuture myself too much; I sleep a lot, buy stuff, and am alone a lot to play computer games, read, etc. I "beautify" myself. So, it's possible to go overboard with nuturing, too (like me).
A good cry among nature (e.g., a park) helps much, too (especially when no one's around, and you're wearing sunglasses).
There's a "happy medium" somewhere between not enough and too much nuturing.
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Old 07-31-2013, 10:15 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I figured-out that I'm probably experiencing "growing pains." (Like kids have to go through at the various stages of their development.)...Being a widow isn't easy! I have to figure-out who I can trust. And who is full of "baloney!"...Have to make daily decisions about big and small things. Holy moly!.. I'm tired and worn-out! But I guess it's all part of growing stronger in my own "right." Coming into my "own.".. Building-up my character or ??.. I have to "grow-up" (even more) even though I'm already pretty old!.. Has anyone else felt like this? Thanks!
Being a grieving widow has to be the hardest thing I've ever experienced my entire life.

Well, technically, I was never really a widow, I lost my boyfriend to suicide a little over four years ago. Totally unexpected.

I can relate to you a little bit somehow. TRUST is definitely the issue I struggle with. Well, for the longest time, I thought maybe everybody was just ready to kill themselves. My late boyfriend used to tell me, "Let me do the sacrifices, so you don't have to." "You are the only joy in my life."

They used to sound like music to my ears, now it is pure poison.

After him, I've dated several men. At the very beginning, they all tried to "rescue" me, but when the relationship came to an end, I guess their true colors shown. They all hit below the belt, they all brought up the fact that I was a suicide survivor, I was a woman with emotional burden, baggage. blah blah. Again, I never really received any "reassurance" that I could trust people again.

I felt I have been in an emotional wheelchair for a very long time, and I had to learn to walk again. Learn to relate to people, learn to trust, learn to let go of the guilt, what ifs, if onlys, let go of grief, embrace pain, suffering, joy, and love.. It is not easy.

Yes, we have to learn to grow up again..
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