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Old 08-04-2013, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,551 posts, read 18,500,997 times
Reputation: 12202

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
People don't understand. Everyone's journey is different. My SO took a week off of work, for the anniversary of his late wife. He still grieves.

That being said, he also has a new life, and I am lucky to be part of his healing process
.
Your so is very lucky to have you. My boyfriend is very supportive of me too. Thank you for the kind words.

 
Old 08-04-2013, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,551 posts, read 18,500,997 times
Reputation: 12202
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I am sorry for the loss of your friend/boyfriend.

Unfortunately, there are many inconsiderate and insensitive people in this world (perhaps even on this thread). Maybe next time a friend calls you to hang out (and it is a bad time), and you don't know how they will react to why you don't want to hang out you could just say that you are busy and can't go. Now, "busy" may be looking at old photographs and crying for a bit but that is your business.

My daughter lost a good friend to suicide almost 10 years ago and it is still difficult for her at times. She and about five of his closest friends all got some type of tattoo so that he will be in their memory forever. As you said people grieve differently and at an individual pace.

You do what is best fo
r you.
Thank you so much! Suicide survivors share invisible bond. I can relate to how your daughter feels. It is difficult, but I do care and wish her the best.
 
Old 08-04-2013, 11:50 PM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 6,170,970 times
Reputation: 3121
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
So eloquently put, Mack, unlike my "in your face", "bull in a china shop" persona. Very well put.

mod cut - orphaned
I lost my wife to be and unborn child in 92 from a drunk driver. I still have times i grieve for there loss, its funny, when i think i have healed and can move on, smallthings get me like someone will wear her perfume and i will remember. Does that make me weak tamiznluv? She died right after i got out of the service, i did things while serving that other guys wish they could do.

It sounds like you have issues with anger over your own loss because the onesize fits all aproach you did on op was not ok. Everyone grieves in there own way, and there is no healthy timeline, compassion and aloha works better.

Last edited by Sam I Am; 08-06-2013 at 03:25 AM..
 
Old 08-05-2013, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Mayacama Mtns in CA
14,523 posts, read 7,372,502 times
Reputation: 11302
Default How do you answer the following question "why are you still grieving?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
. . .
How come some people just never get it?! Grief is not something you can "get over", you have to get through it and healing takes time.
What you said in your first post is so similar to something Doug Manning once said: "Grief is not something you have to "get over" ~ Grief is a sign you have loved."


The quote may not be exact, but I think it's close to what he said. Certainly the meaning is very accurate.
Someone said that to me shortly after my own beloved daughter had departed this earth, and the meaning of the saying has always stayed with me.
It helped so much then as well as now, twelve years later.

At best, your friend was unfeeling and crass and cruel. Perhaps she's not very highly educated.
 
Old 08-05-2013, 09:55 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,519 posts, read 18,191,173 times
Reputation: 18876
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiian by heart View Post
I lost my wife to be and unborn child in 92 from a drunk driver. I still have times i grieve for there loss, its funny, when i think i have healed and can move on, smallthings get me like someone will wear her perfume and i will remember. Does that make me weak tamiznluv? She died right after i got out of the service, i did things while serving that other guys wish they could do.

It sounds like you have issues with anger over your own loss because the onesize fits all aproach you did on op was not ok. Everyone grieves in there own way, and there is no healthy timeline, compassion and aloha works better.
Of course not. I do the same thing. Why would you ask such a question?

I have no issues or anger over my husband's death. mod cut

Last edited by Sam I Am; 08-06-2013 at 03:26 AM.. Reason: c'mon - let's drop it....
 
Old 08-05-2013, 09:56 AM
 
7,282 posts, read 8,404,548 times
Reputation: 11407
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I appreciate you advice. But I have no ideas why do you think I "made grieving a routine"

My loved one's birthday is coming up August 5th, which it tomorrow. Suicide grief is like no others. I come here for advice, and I got them. I will pick myself up and move on. Tomorrow is another day.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

I think this thread has run its course.
I only offered things for you to consider since when one grieves it is often difficult to think about those around you and that you don't live in the world alone. While grieving is for the one lost and the one who lost someone, forget not that there are still the living and with the living and sometimes the loss one experiences turns into a loss for others, not of the one you lost but of you.

Time flows and never comes back. Grieving is healthy but is also lost time. Nothing I said implied grieving was wrong or inappropriate. I suggested a different perspective than the run of the mill "I am so sorry for your loss" posts, surely there have been enough of those to last a lifetime.
 
Old 08-05-2013, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,551 posts, read 18,500,997 times
Reputation: 12202
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Of course not. I do the same thing. Why would you ask such a question?

I have no issues or anger over my husband's death. mod cut
So when you grieve over your husband, you are normal
when I grieve over my late boyfriend, I play the victim.

Anyway, I am sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you the best on your healing process.


Today is my late boyfriend's birthday, Yes, I cried, Yes, I looked at pictures with my wonderful current boyfriend. He holds me and take away my pain. I have a great understanding man in my life. I have a great life and a wonderful supportive family.

Last edited by Sam I Am; 08-06-2013 at 03:27 AM.. Reason: orphaned
 
Old 08-05-2013, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Mayacama Mtns in CA
14,523 posts, read 7,372,502 times
Reputation: 11302
Default Another good quote...

"You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. Grieving is not weakness, nor absence of faith. Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature's way of healing a broken heart."

Doug Manning
 
Old 08-05-2013, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,551 posts, read 18,500,997 times
Reputation: 12202
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mack Knife View Post
I only offered things for you to consider since when one grieves it is often difficult to think about those around you and that you don't live in the world alone. While grieving is for the one lost and the one who lost someone, forget not that there are still the living and with the living and sometimes the loss one experiences turns into a loss for others, not of the one you lost but of you.

Time flows and never comes back. Grieving is healthy but is also lost time. Nothing I said implied grieving was wrong or inappropriate. I suggested a different perspective than the run of the mill "I am so sorry for your loss" posts, surely there have been enough of those to last a lifetime.
I think you are right.

Sometimes, I do need to take those people's feelings into consideration as well. That is why I like to keep my feeling to myself a lot of times.

you are right, it is difficult to think about those around me. In the first year of my grieve, it is impossible to think of anything or anybody. My mind was consumed by grief. But now, life is finally good again. I just am still saddened by the way he took his life. Such a waste..
 
Old 08-05-2013, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Jollyville, TX
3,704 posts, read 9,109,411 times
Reputation: 4068
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, despite the fact that some people will tell you exactly how long and exactly what you're allowed to do. Sheesh. I was married for 10 years when my first husband died at age 29. I did manage to move on but there were times, especailly around anniversaries and birthdays that I would get very sad. My current husband was so supportive. I remember when we moved into our new home and I decided it was time to go through the box of his things that I had put away. I sat on the floor of the closet and cried as I went through the memories. That was 8 years after his passing! My husband, bless his heart, just brought me some kleenex and asked me if I needed anything. No one else can tell you how to feel. Unfortunately, they will try.
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