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Old 08-05-2013, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,717 posts, read 18,592,550 times
Reputation: 12254

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Macrina View Post
What you said in your first post is so similar to something Doug Manning once said: "Grief is not something you have to "get over" ~ Grief is a sign you have loved."


The quote may not be exact, but I think it's close to what he said. Certainly the meaning is very accurate.
Someone said that to me shortly after my own beloved daughter had departed this earth, and the meaning of the saying has always stayed with me.
It helped so much then as well as now, twelve years later.

At best, your friend was unfeeling and crass and cruel. Perhaps she's not very highly educated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macrina View Post
"You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. Grieving is not weakness, nor absence of faith. Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature's way of healing a broken heart."

Doug Manning
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate them.

 
Old 08-05-2013, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,717 posts, read 18,592,550 times
Reputation: 12254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlady View Post
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, despite the fact that some people will tell you exactly how long and exactly what you're allowed to do. Sheesh. I was married for 10 years when my first husband died at age 29. I did manage to move on but there were times, especailly around anniversaries and birthdays that I would get very sad. My current husband was so supportive. I remember when we moved into our new home and I decided it was time to go through the box of his things that I had put away. I sat on the floor of the closet and cried as I went through the memories. That was 8 years after his passing! My husband, bless his heart, just brought me some kleenex and asked me if I needed anything. No one else can tell you how to feel. Unfortunately, they will try.
This makes me smile

My boyfriend does the same thing for me. He said he loves me more because I am a loyal person. You never forget the person who has truly loved you.

(((((( ))))))) We both are very lucky to have supportive good men in our lives. We have angel watching over us, and we have people love us on earth. Life is good.
 
Old 08-05-2013, 11:24 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,594 posts, read 18,237,021 times
Reputation: 18970
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I think you are right.

Sometimes, I do need to take those people's feelings into consideration as well. That is why I like to keep my feeling to myself a lot of times.

you are right, it is difficult to think about those around me. In the first year of my grieve, it is impossible to think of anything or anybody. My mind was consumed by grief. But now, life is finally good again. I just am still saddened by the way he took his life. Such a waste..
Of course you were consumed the first year. I was too for the first 5 months after hubby died. Your posts just didn't sound like you were willing to "move on". I am also sad about how my bff took her life when she had so much to live for but I put it away and do not dwell on it. It's there but I rarely take it out. I don't miss her any less but I don't dwell.

This above post sounds like maybe a break through and I'm glad to hear it. I'm sure your friends and family will be happy for you. Sounds like you are blessed with a good man, I am happy for you.

TY for your words about hubby.
 
Old 08-05-2013, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Manhattan, Ks
1,280 posts, read 5,939,414 times
Reputation: 1796
I think that birthdays and anniverseries of important dates can be especially hard, even after someone is to the point of feeling ok most of the time. I guess it's hard for people who haven't experienced the loss of someone very dear to them to understand. But from everything I've read about grief it's very normal, and really no one's business to judge.
 
Old 08-05-2013, 06:27 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,594 posts, read 18,237,021 times
Reputation: 18970
Quote:
Originally Posted by kansas sky View Post
I think that birthdays and anniverseries of important dates can be especially hard, even after someone is to the point of feeling ok most of the time. I guess it's hard for people who haven't experienced the loss of someone very dear to them to understand. But from everything I've read about grief it's very normal, and really no one's business to judge.
When you post on a public forum, you have to expect judgement.
 
Old 08-05-2013, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,717 posts, read 18,592,550 times
Reputation: 12254
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
When you post on a public forum, you have to expect judgement.
Not on grief forum. No judgment should be given because grief is an individual journey.
 
Old 08-05-2013, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Lemon Heights, Orange County, CA
805 posts, read 1,267,001 times
Reputation: 1275
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiian by heart View Post
I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are lily? but im part native american, so once a year i go out to a area in nature, where its quiet and no one will bother me, i burn sage, tobacco ties and pray for those who passed on, honoring them.

i find this also helps me with my grief.

It doesnt have to be a big thing lily, if your cathlic? u can light a candle and pray.

Another thing that helps is to try to be good to yourself ok? Grieve but take time to take care of yourself or do something good for yourself? like a warm bath or eat chocolate etc. ok?

And finally use your support system and understand that grieving has its own time limit.

These things has helped me. Good luck my friend.
That sounds amazing.
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