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Old 08-13-2013, 10:09 AM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 527,929 times
Reputation: 2050

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Since DH transitioned/moved to Heaven last year, am now thinking about my future. We were/am
a retiree living a rural area, trying to maintain our home and acre of land. This was mostly my DH
dream, enjoyed it though maintaining this property and home, know I can be content if the Lord wants
me to stay here.

We were considering moving to another state, possibly purchasing a condo as our property was becoming to much for my DH to maintain due to his health.

Praying about a possible move to live for a few years east of the Mississippi after living on the West
Coast most of my life. Or just be content with the life I enjoy what my friend calls the "jumpin' off
place". She having moved from Seattle to the Olympic Peninsula too.

Your aspirations, plans now that your loved is not with you? Feel this would be for widows/widowers
though know some of you may have had a significant other, partner or lived with kin.

Thank you as always for sharing the journey with me.
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Old 08-13-2013, 12:12 PM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
4,245 posts, read 5,750,175 times
Reputation: 2953
I really dont have any aspirations or dreams. In fact I feel that aspect of my life...to have aspirations and dreams, to have a sort of purpose, is over. My biological life will continue until death, but the emotional part of my life, or the dreams/aspirations part is over.

Since I can't share aspirations and dreams with my late partner. We were close, and did things together. Without him around life is empty and hollow and I see the long years stretching out before me....

I got into doing stuff...mainly travel.... as a way of filling the hole left by my partners passing, but its really sort of going through the motions, and leaves me missing him, or wishing he was here or there, sharing my experiences.

Reminded that I always put off these things, taking these trips, and now that hes not around I am doing them?....there's an element of guilt to that.

There are things I do that are maybe more healthy...more postive...such as getting into cycling (after a 30 year absence) and getting back into hiking and walking (and in the summer, swimming). In a way its regressing to my younger years, before I met my partner. Things he would never have done due to health & fitness issues. These become maybe goal-oriented, to see how far I can cylce or hike, to this town, or that forest, etc....so some goals there, perhaps, small things.

I guess in relationships I sort aspire to have another lover... but hard to do. I feel as I get further into my widowers' life I become more ...shal we say...self-centered, and less open to the give-&-take that comes with a relationship...as you all know when you are married or in a partnership, you sort of sand down each others rough edges...the two become one....how true that is!

But you have to be open to that...I think I am becoming less & less open to it.

Not sure this makes much sense.
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:49 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,740,923 times
Reputation: 7078
Our dream was to buy some acreage in the mountains of Colorado as we'd lived in Denver for several years, and we did that. We lived there from 1975 until he died. In the meantime, we dreamed about one day having a "snow bird" condo in Tucson after many years of going down there to watch the Colorado Rockies Spring Training. We finally did that. We dreamed of going to Hawaii where he could learn to SCUBA dive and we did that. We dreamed of driving all over the US, and with a daughter married to a graduate of the Air Force Academy, we were able to visit each base/city they were stationed in as well as visiting our other kids as they empty nested and moved out of state. The one thing we dreamed about that never happened was retiring and moving to our Tucson condo and living out our golden years together. Instead, after he died, I sold the house in Colorado (but kept a lot of the land), and I moved alone to our condo in Arizona. The house in the rural mountains was too far from the nearest city, and too hard to maintain alone. I decided the condo was more my size, maintenance free, better weather, and very near all the best doctors, hospitals (you think of these things as you get to be my age), shopping, the University, library, and so on.

I have no dreams or aspirations anymore. I have no desire for another man in my life. I have grown accustomed to living alone, and I actually like it. I volunteer for my community to keep busy. I quilt and sew to feel productive. I joined my local chapter of Sewing Guild of America and go to meetings. I do the book club here at my complex and I'm on a couple of committees. I keep busy, but I don't dream or aspire. Well, I take that back. I guess my dream would be to be content. I'm not, yet. Coming up on 4 years, and I still ask "Why?" I still cry. I still have a huge, gaping hole in my heart. So, to be content would be a goal. To hurt less would be a goal. To feel comfort would be a goal.
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Old 08-14-2013, 09:32 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,625 times
Reputation: 2047
Dayton and Mary thank you for sharing. I so can relate to you both. I go through the everyday emotions. I feel I exist. I live within my very own existence and I walk two steps forward and fall on my arse so many times. Such a huge void in my life without my husband. I entertained a man for dinner the other night and he is a professional singer and guitar player and I enjoyed the evening with him singing and playing the guitar. We just did not click. Something was off. However; I ran into a man who I have known for several years through the Alzheimer's support group. He is the nicest man and his wife died in Feb. I blurted out to him, "I am lonely and I am looking just for a friend" and he told me the same. So, we can be friends with no benefits. He reminds me of my husband in so many ways. He is kind, caring, soft spoken, he even likes to talk on subjects my husband talked about. I am going over to his house at 3:30 p.m today. and he will come over here afterwards for dinner. I was going to make meatloaf with mashed potatoes and but asked him what he would like for me to make? He replied, "meatloaf and mashed potatoes". We are on the same wave length.
Do I have any future aspirations or plans? one day I feel I do and the next day I feel I don't. I just can't seem to have one thought in my head that stays consistent. I am the leaf blowing in the wind. I feel I muddle through my life. I don't have any good friends because that requires too much work on my part and I don't seem to click with anyone.

I never in a million years thought it would be this difficult for me to create a new life for myself. I have no family left and it is just my dogs and me. I feel so lonesome I could cry.
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Old 08-14-2013, 04:21 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18814
Have a good time tonight, smilin'.

I have no dreams or aspirations in life anymore either. I too just "exist". I'm glad every morning when I wake up though. I used to wake and think "ugh, another day to have to go through the pain again." Now I'm glad. Don't have anything to be happy about, just being alive and I'm learning to be content with that.
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Old 08-20-2013, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life...Just haven't been able to get beyond "day-by-day" quite yet. (Either.)...My cat died last night and we'd been together for over 16 years. He was the last one left in my "immediate family." I still have my son's cat left. And I'm still "here."...I'm sure I'll make plans for the future when my grief subsides. But I'm not quite "there" yet.
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Old 08-20-2013, 11:34 AM
 
8,440 posts, read 10,717,209 times
Reputation: 6201
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life...Just haven't been able to get beyond "day-by-day" quite yet. (Either.)...My cat died last night and we'd been together for over 16 years. He was the last one left in my "immediate family." I still have my son's cat left. And I'm still "here."...I'm sure I'll make plans for the future when my grief subsides. But I'm not quite "there" yet.
CA,

Sorry to hear about your cat. You shared a lot of your life, and probably a lot of concerns and fears, with your furry friend. I'm sorry for your loss. The loss of a friend, regardless of species, is difficult.

I hope you had some special moments to tell your friend those things in your heart.

MSR
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Old 08-20-2013, 01:55 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,150,188 times
Reputation: 18814
Oh, CA, I am so sorry kitty died. 16 long years is a good life but it also makes it so hard to let go. I'm sure you pain is terrible, like losing another child. I wish there was more I could do to help you vent and cry on my shoulder. All I can do is (((HUGS))) though. Your heart/emotions need a rest, dear one.
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Old 08-21-2013, 08:19 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,625 times
Reputation: 2047
CA, sorry for your loss. ((HUGS)).
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Old 08-22-2013, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,175,549 times
Reputation: 3514
MSR, Tami and smilin...Thanks for caring. I sure miss "Little T." He was my "buddy.".. He was definitely an "up close and personal" cat and he showered me with love and attention everyday. (And vica-versa.)...I called my cousin in the Mid-West last night and I might drive out to spend time with her before winter sets-in...I'll be bringing my last cat with me. (My son's cat "Gracie.") Can't leave her behind after all she's been through...She's not used to car-trips or traveling. But maybe we both need a new "adventure" right now. And need to "spread" our "wings" before we both end-up dying here too!...This area seems "jinxed!" Everyone has died one-by-one in a short span of time!...I'm even considering moving near my cousin before long if my visit goes "well." Time for changes!
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