U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-17-2013, 03:42 AM
 
33,142 posts, read 39,090,825 times
Reputation: 28498

Advertisements

At 90 years old his liver is failing and he will probably pass on in the next year or so, he's had a remarkable life and will be missed.
However before the grief becomes a reality theres some issues that need to be addressed beforehand.
Mom is also 90 years old and would find it difficult to take care of all the paperwork and legal issues of Dad passing away, i will be there for her during this time, problem is she lives in the Tampa area and i live in Montreal with wife and 2 kids so i cant be with Mom for much more than a month , two if i stretch it.
What i need to know is what would be a list of priorities i should take care of in my limited time spent with her. at this point i'm thinking
Contact funeral home
Deal with funeral
Get copies of Death certificate.
Get notary to deal with will
deal with Dads cars
deal with transferring his bank accounts and probably the house to Mom.
None of this stuff is going to be a pleasant experience as Dads death will be on my mind constantly and the fact that i have to return to my life back in Montreal doesnt give me unlimited time to be there with Mom so it would be very helpful if i maximized my time while there by Knowing what issues will need to be taken care of...
How does my list look? any tips for my scenario would be appreciated
Thanks.

Last edited by jambo101; 08-17-2013 at 03:51 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-17-2013, 08:15 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,083,410 times
Reputation: 30973
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101 View Post
....Get notary to deal with will....
Sorry for what you will evidently be facing in the relatively near future.

The above caught my eye. I live in Europe where notaries and wills go together like bread and butter, and perhaps in Quebec that is also the case. However, in the U.S. you want to get an attorney.

Having been through this a couple/three times in the U.S., this is what occurs to me: Do you know where the original copy of the will is? Is it with your parents or a lawyer? Do you know a lawyer that your father would prefer?

If you are in the dark about important family business at this point, is your father the type of person who can sit down with you...or get on the computer, and answer questions obviously prompted by your expectation that he will die sooner rather than later.

Good luck with a delicate and unhappy task.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2013, 09:02 AM
 
33,142 posts, read 39,090,825 times
Reputation: 28498
Thanks kevxu.. Yes the will is registered with a local attorney, sitting down and discussing the issue with Dad is not something i'm willing to do as about 10 years ago knowing he didnt have a will i asked him if he shouldnt think about getting one he got mad and implied i was a vulture prematurely after his money, so we aint going there again,
it was Mom who saw a tv article on a news report type show on the disadvantages of not having a will, shortly thereafter they both went out and got a will.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2013, 10:38 AM
 
2,222 posts, read 9,140,928 times
Reputation: 3225
Here are a few of my thoughts:

Be sure and order at least a dozen certified death certificates from the coroner. Some of the things you mentioned can not be done without them. It may take several weeks to get them.

I think the funeral will be the priority, along with your mother's and family immediate needs.

You will also need to have a final tax return done for your father.

An attorney can walk you through the basics of what must be done legally. I would make contact as soon as you are able.

I'm thinking you may need to make more than one trip. I can't imagine being able to do this all in the time frame you mentioned.

Also, can your mother live alone? Do you need to make other living arrangements for her? Would she move to your area so you can look after her more easily? At 90 years old, does she still take care of the bills, etc?

I am sorry. It's never easy losing a parent or loved one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2013, 12:28 PM
 
33,142 posts, read 39,090,825 times
Reputation: 28498
Mom seems quite content to live in the big house all by herself if necessary, i've sounded her out about moving to a smaller abode or a senior assisted living facility, she;ll have none of it, i've also offered to give her a home in Montreal but after living the last 50 or so years in Florida its not going to happen as she gets cold at 70 degrees..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2013, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Not.here
2,828 posts, read 3,443,292 times
Reputation: 2347
At 90 years old his liver is failing and he will probably pass on in the next year or so, he's had a remarkable life and will be missed.
However before the grief becomes a reality theres some issues that need to be addressed beforehand.
Mom is also 90 years old and would find it difficult to take care of all the paperwork and legal issues of Dad passing away, i will be there for her during this time, problem is she lives in the Tampa area and i live in Montreal with wife and 2 kids so i cant be with Mom for much more than a month , two if i stretch it.
What i need to know is what would be a list of priorities i should take care of in my limited time spent with her. at this point i'm thinking

Contact funeral home
Something to consider is pre-payment and pre-arrangement. That helps to lock into the current prices and when the time comes, all the paperwork has already been done between you and the funeral home, and the cost has been pre-paid. All that will then be required when the time comes will be a call to the funeral home to let them know that the person passed away and where they can be picked up.

Get copies of Death certificate.
When the time comes the funeral home will prepare the paperwork, get the necessary signatures from the certifying doctor, and submit the paperwork. If you pre-arrange the funeral, you will be giving them information they will need for the death certificate ahead of time. You should receive the number of death certificates you requested after a couple of weeks.


deal with transferring his bank accounts and probably the house to Mom.
It makes things simpler when things are in joint accounts. Regardless, the bank will need a death certificate to make sure the accounts are transferred appropriately.

None of this stuff is going to be a pleasant experience as Dads death will be on my mind constantly and the fact that i have to return to my life back in Montreal doesnt give me unlimited time to be there with Mom so it would be very helpful if i maximized my time while there by Knowing what issues will need to be taken care of...
How does my list look? any tips for my scenario would be appreciated

Don't forget that Social Security will have to be notified of the death. They will contact Medicare so that health payments are also terminated. If he has a secondary health insurer, they will have to be notified also. That goes for any other private insurance he may have.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2013, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,086 posts, read 5,500,568 times
Reputation: 6407
I'm so sorry that you are facing this task, especially long-distance. Yes, it is much better to be prepared and organized. The funeral director was invaluable in taking a lot of tasks off my shoulders, like ordering death certificates, I think he also contacted Social Security. I assume your Dad would be buried in FL? If so, can you get a recommendation from neighbors on funeral homes? I think some funeral homes take advantage of the bereaved by trying to upsell, especially if someone is from out-of-town and having to make arrangements in a limited timeframe. My Mom also died in FL, and I had the extra complication of having Mom's body flown up to PA for the funeral. The PA funeral director worked with Hospice to contact a local FL funeral home; I didn't have to be involved in any details or worry about it at all....thank goodness.

I contacted the FL attorney who had done her will. He basically seemed surprised I was calling him, and said I needed to do it all myself. I then contacted the eldercare attorney who had done her living will, power of attorney documents, etc. They said I didn't need them either (her condo went to me and my Mom didn't have much else), but the office was wonderful in giving me a specific list of what needed to be done.

One "gotcha" was, I wanted to get her pearls out of her safe deposit box for the viewing. I did not realize once she died, the POA died with her and I wouldn't be able to get anything out until the will was probated. Thankfully, I found the pearls in her house, I guess she had forgotten to put them back in the box.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2013, 01:12 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,740,923 times
Reputation: 7078
My husband was an estate attorney and he died with an old will (the shoemaker who never had time to make shoes for his family...). I got an attorney (friend of his) to probate the will. The funeral home handled getting the Death Certificates, and I ordered 10 Certified copies because many places (banks, etc) want original, certified (the raised seal) certificates. If you are his Executor, you'll also need papers saying you are (Letters Testamentary) to be filed with banks, etc., along with the Death Certificate. You will need a lawyer to draw those up and get you an EIN (Estate Identification Number~~the Estate's Social Security number, if you will) from the State.

If there are more beneficiaries than just your mom, you'll want an attorney. Once your father passes, his copy of the will should be filed with the County he resided in and it then goes into probate. At that point the Estate is open, and the transfer of title to property, bank accounts, investments, and other real property can begin. If his estate is extensive, you will find it's easier to have an attorney to settle the estate than trying to do it yourself. If it's a simple estate, meaning he's left everything to your mom, you may be able to do it yourself.

If you already have a copy of his Will, it might not hurt to show it to an attorney and get an opinion as to whether you can file and probate it yourself, assuming you are the Executor. The attorney will also be able to give you a list of "chores" you'll need to do beginning when your dad passes. If your mom is his Executrix, as well as his sole beneficiary, she will definitely want an attorney as she will be overwhelmed with all the work. She will have to sign all the papers at the funeral home for his service, and she will have to be the one to make the decisions of how to dispose of his property (even if it's just to transfer it to her name), unless you have a Power of Attorney from your dad that he signed before he died. He should also have a Medical Power of Attorney, and a Health Directive that you can file with the hospital with his end of life wishes. Having an attorney makes probating the Will so much easier as someone else is handling the all the detail work, and there is a lot of it...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2013, 03:48 AM
 
33,142 posts, read 39,090,825 times
Reputation: 28498
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
My husband was an estate attorney and he died with an old will (the shoemaker who never had time to make shoes for his family...). I got an attorney (friend of his) to probate the will. The funeral home handled getting the Death Certificates, and I ordered 10 Certified copies because many places (banks, etc) want original, certified (the raised seal) certificates. If you are his Executor, you'll also need papers saying you are (Letters Testamentary) to be filed with banks, etc., along with the Death Certificate. You will need a lawyer to draw those up and get you an EIN (Estate Identification Number~~the Estate's Social Security number, if you will) from the State.

If there are more beneficiaries than just your mom, you'll want an attorney. Once your father passes, his copy of the will should be filed with the County he resided in and it then goes into probate. At that point the Estate is open, and the transfer of title to property, bank accounts, investments, and other real property can begin. If his estate is extensive, you will find it's easier to have an attorney to settle the estate than trying to do it yourself. If it's a simple estate, meaning he's left everything to your mom, you may be able to do it yourself.

If you already have a copy of his Will, it might not hurt to show it to an attorney and get an opinion as to whether you can file and probate it yourself, assuming you are the Executor. The attorney will also be able to give you a list of "chores" you'll need to do beginning when your dad passes. If your mom is his Executrix, as well as his sole beneficiary, she will definitely want an attorney as she will be overwhelmed with all the work. She will have to sign all the papers at the funeral home for his service, and she will have to be the one to make the decisions of how to dispose of his property (even if it's just to transfer it to her name), unless you have a Power of Attorney from your dad that he signed before he died. He should also have a Medical Power of Attorney, and a Health Directive that you can file with the hospital with his end of life wishes. Having an attorney makes probating the Will so much easier as someone else is handling the all the detail work, and there is a lot of it...
Unfortunately i'm not the executor of the will,that job was given to my brother who lives near Mom and Dad, problem is i think he's a bit immature and untrustworthy for the task,he's never had a real job and lived with Mom and Dad till he was 45yrs old having them basically support him,At 45 he met this bold as brass woman who i dont trust one bit, he now lives in a trailer out in the woods and spends most of his time polishing his guns, tending his 4 pit bulls.listening to all the rightwing media and trashing the President every chance he gets, he basically eats all his meals at Mom and Dads and stores all his stuff at their house as well, i'm viewed as the socialist brother from that communist nanny state to the north..I got a feeling family friction will arise during the course of Dads eventual passing.
At this point i can only put together a comprehensive list of things that need to be done, hand it to my brother saying how can i help....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2013, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,086 posts, read 5,500,568 times
Reputation: 6407
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcy1210 View Post
My husband was an estate attorney and he died with an old will (the shoemaker who never had time to make shoes for his family...). I got an attorney (friend of his) to probate the will. The funeral home handled getting the Death Certificates, and I ordered 10 Certified copies because many places (banks, etc) want original, certified (the raised seal) certificates. If you are his Executor, you'll also need papers saying you are (Letters Testamentary) to be filed with banks, etc., along with the Death Certificate. You will need a lawyer to draw those up and get you an EIN (Estate Identification Number~~the Estate's Social Security number, if you will) from the State.

If there are more beneficiaries than just your mom, you'll want an attorney. Once your father passes, his copy of the will should be filed with the County he resided in and it then goes into probate. At that point the Estate is open, and the transfer of title to property, bank accounts, investments, and other real property can begin. If his estate is extensive, you will find it's easier to have an attorney to settle the estate than trying to do it yourself. If it's a simple estate, meaning he's left everything to your mom, you may be able to do it yourself.

If you already have a copy of his Will, it might not hurt to show it to an attorney and get an opinion as to whether you can file and probate it yourself, assuming you are the Executor. The attorney will also be able to give you a list of "chores" you'll need to do beginning when your dad passes. If your mom is his Executrix, as well as his sole beneficiary, she will definitely want an attorney as she will be overwhelmed with all the work. She will have to sign all the papers at the funeral home for his service, and she will have to be the one to make the decisions of how to dispose of his property (even if it's just to transfer it to her name), unless you have a Power of Attorney from your dad that he signed before he died. He should also have a Medical Power of Attorney, and a Health Directive that you can file with the hospital with his end of life wishes. Having an attorney makes probating the Will so much easier as someone else is handling the all the detail work, and there is a lot of it...
Marcy, my understanding (after the pearl incident above) is that a Power of Attorney dies when the person dies. So even if he had a POA before Dad died, it would be no longer valid after Dad's death. Right...? The point sounds moot anyway now since the OP said his brother is Executor, which sounds like a whole 'nother nightmare.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top